How did your DH/BF act when BM was with someone new for the first time.
BF and I have been together for 4 years now. BM has never had a full on relationship with anyone since BF and her split (only afew blow ins) until now.
She is with someone who she has just introduced to the skids (last Tuesday), she is talking about wanting to get married, settling down with someone etc... (she told the skids this). Anyway none of this bothers me in fact I'm happy about it cause that just means she wont be trying to cause trouble for us as much anymore (she always settles down alittle when someone new is in her life).
BF, I think is having problems with this. I know he doesn't love BM anymore but I'm sure there is more to it then what he is letting on. All he said is he better be nice to the skids.
BM wants to get married. This did upset BF as he proposed to BM when she was in labour with there first child she excepted the ring of cause but never actually wanted to marry him so a date was never set (there split happened about 5 years later after another 2 skids - idiot).
BM'S boyfriend sang to her and BM was in tears, she thought it was so beautiful (skids words). BF is a singer as am I (that's how we met) and BF use to sing to BM all the time and BM use to tell him to shut up, never wanted to watch him sing in concerts, never encouraged him was always against it.
I can understand this may be abit of a blow to BF but it seems that his frustrations as always is getting taken out on me. When I said to him that he is being stupid at what he was yelling at me about and is he sure that his mood doesn't have to do with BM, he promised me that it's got nothing to do with her, he is just stressed out with work.
He said the marrage thing bothered him when he first heard about it but not anymore.
In the past BF bottled things up and use to just yell at me for no reason until I would crack the shits, then he would say I'm sorry it's actually got nothing to do with you, BM pissed me off because........(whatever).......
This seems to be happening again. He doesn't want to talk about it, he says that his fine with it. I'm not so sure.
Have any of you ladies or gents been through this. How do you handle it?
Do you think he is only worried about how this new man will be with BF kids???
Any thoughts would be helpful!
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H was never married to the BM either,
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
He told me when she wanted to get married, he didn't, and when he wanted to get married, she didn't. But that didn't stop the fools from having 2 kids out of wedlock, either.
BM did get married-a few years ago, when H and I were dating. He didn't say much about it, but, boy, did he ever run everything and anything the guy did into the ground. Jealousy? I think so.
Feelings for her? Not love. But, I think he still felt ownership, strange, but I think that's what it was. Did he take it out on me? Nope. Because we were not married, we were not living together. So he couldn't.
Most likely, however, my guess would be that your bf is feeling jealousy-over the idea of another man not with his ex, but with his kids. For four years, apparently he's been the only man really in their lives-if she marries, tho he will always be Dad, another man will be making decisions, doing things with, imposing his rules on your bf's kids. That is probably why he's being so moody. Just a guess.
A last thought
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
You mentioned the singing, and he obviously was hurt over her response to his singing, when they were together. And now she is in "tears" over the new man singing to her.
After I divorced my first H, I positively did not love him any longer. Yet when he remarried, the first thing he did was buy her a new car. And take her on a cruise. And, Dani, it did hurt. Not because I loved him still. But because he never even considered doing anything of that nature for me when we were together. (something your bf may be feeling over the singing). The pain did not come from lingering feelings of love; it came from realizing that I had loved (past tense), given my heart to, had children with, a man who so obviously didn't value me as he evidently values another woman. I know it's confusing, but it has to do with how one perceives their sense of self, their value, their worthiness, by the actions of another. Alas for her, he only treated her like that the first few months they were married. Now she has a life wondering who her H is sleeping with every day of her life.
I think
that your BF is worried about how the new man will do with the kids but more in the way of the fact that his place is being taken by the new guy. Not to mean that he wants BM back, but just the fact that this guy will be another father figure to the kids.
"OCD sucks"
Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.
--Henri de Lubac
I agree with bewitched
When I found out my ex-H had a new GF I was happy for him, until I found out that he was doing for her all the things he wouldn't do for me, treating her the way I begged him to treat me. Yeah, it hurt a lot. Like bewitched said, it felt as though I was worth less to him than his new squeeze did. I just can't adequately explain the blow your pride and ego takes when something like that happens. In the end, his new GF broke it off with him. Seems he did a complete 180 from how he treated me and she felt too smothered by it all and couldn't handle it. He was actually going to ask her to marry him. A small part of me said "GOOD" when he told me, because now he knows what it felt like to be rejected, but another part of me feels sorry for him, because obviously he doesn't get it and perhaps never will. He's realized much too late that I was right and that the way he treated me was wrong. I told him several times and he wouldn't listen, so now he's paying the price for his stubborness.
DW was not married to Skids Bio-Dad either.
He ran off with another 16yo a year after my SS was born(DW was 16 when Skid was born BD was ~22). He married her three weeks before the court date on Custody/Visitation/CS for my SS so that the judge would not put him in prison for statutory rape.
Three months later he divorced her.
Bio-Dad has never married again but has continued to spawn children with any willing womb who will have him. Four kids by three different moms so far.
DW and I also married a couple of weeks before that same court date. But, nearly 15yrs later we are still married and very happily providing the best future we can for SS and looking forward to living the rest of our lives together.
If Bio-Dad did find someone to agree to marry his worthless ass I for one could not give a flying rats ass other than to fly to Vegas to put some money with a bookie on the demise of his marriage(if I knew what a bookie looks like). That is a sure money maker. I doubt DW would care even that much.
Best regards,
Rags-where did you come from?
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
You are like a man from Mars compared to so many of the H's & bf's on here. You actually reason!
Maybe we could pass a law-before any man with children remarries, mandatory Raggerization should be required!
My Mom and DW keep me in line. Thank them!
And they both tell me that I am very hard to live with. They both tell me that I am just a pain in the ass. Dad agrees. So does my son (SS).
I like to think of myself as a thinker who is passionate, dedicated, caring and giving..... and opinionated. :O
Just don't ask me to do chores!
Raggerizaion! That is funny. My Mom will scowl and lecture me when I tell her about that one. My DW will just roll her eyes and give the the talk to the hand thing as I gloat. Dad will laugh.
Best regards,
My BF was never married to BM either
and they were never together as a couple. It was a one night stand, that turned into 18 years!! She broke down in tears and had a fit when she found out about me. But when she finally found someone to date her, BF was happy! Hopefully she would focus more on the guy and not making him miserable. As long as the guy treated SS nice, he was grateful to the guy. In some ways it has got better. The guy is weird and ugly, but so is she! And so far he seems to be nice to SS.
I think your BF is worried about the children, and a little jealous of this new man in their lives. But I also agree with the other ladies that it probably stung a little as well. I think that is just human nature.
We were a little backward.
DH got used to men drifting in and out of BM's life during the year she dragged out the divorce (she had a baby with one of those) and the three years after before he met me. The one who had the extreme reaction was BM. Within two months of our marriage, BM and her man were engaged, and BM went all out with the big white wedding with SD as a bridesmaid nine months later. If I didn't know better, BM is competing. She has a big diamond, bigger house, newer better vehicles, and a *perfect* life!
DH likes BM's husband. He's a good man with a steady job. He adopted BM's younger child (his BF ran away the second she announced she was pregnant; "conceived in love" my ass) and treats SD well.
~Trish
my DH was married to her
then the got divorced, got back together a year or so later then he knocked her up,but never re-married her( thank god)
I know she was pissed that he sold "there house" (moved into mine,that I bought myself) proposed with a ONE carot diamond (2 years after we met), and started his own business ( and is doing very well with it)I'm sure she felt that she wasn't good enough to marry a second time, BUT she made up for it with the county and CS. anyways I think honestly my husband was soooo over her by the time we met that i really believed him when he said he felt bad for the new guy,and then laughed. She moved out of state, the bad thing his son went with, so he really resents her, was he sad that she moved on?
probably not because he knows his life got better. he's far more ahead financially paying CS then staying with her.especially when he took her back,then he really new it was a huge mistake????? BOYS DO STUPID THINGS?????