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Tadpole79's picture

Submitted by Tadpole79 on Sat, 09/11/2010 - 8:24pm

My first time on this site, I can't believe that other sm have the same problems I do,I thought it was just me.Both my sd are in their 20s and they do not live with us. thank goodness! I really do not think my marriage would survive. THey both have never really welcomed me into their dads life, the day we got married the youngest sd asked if i was going to change my last name, I told her yes...that should have been a clue for me there! It has gone down hill from there. Neither one of the sd have ever excepted my 2 children who are also grown and do not live in the home, are married with children of their own. Sd #1 has a child that is Very sweet but sd #1 has never really included me in her life from the start,grandparents day the cards have always been for my husband that includes school functions, christmas presents with just my husbands name on it from grandaughter, is just very hurtful,sd father has talked to them about the problem with no prgress at all from the sd. When sd #2 had her child a few months ago she advised her father that I was not the blood grandmother and her child will not call me grandma, she has a grandma! First of all I did not ask for that, just to be included in their lives,not sure where sd 2 got that at. I have 5 grandchildren of my own, and I love them all...was just 2 more to love,but both sds ruined that for me. I really do not want anything to do with either sd or their children. I know that sounds really hard, but there has been alot of other issues that have come up, including comments,looks and faces made to my kids behind my childrens back, I have seen it, that, I'm sure has not made my feelings toward my sds any better, if not worse.
I have tried to text to talk out our problems with sd #2, I was told yea! will let me know when sd #2 is ready! well I guess with that responce that means never!
I'm confused was not raised that way. I'm from a larger family,where we had cousins that came with a new aunt.. they were treated just like part of the family...don't get it!!

Comments

Tadpole79's picture

Submitted by Tadpole79 on Sun, 09/12/2010 - 2:20pm

I agree, I think it should be up to them too...as they get older they will know the difference... and who cares we are all family...I thought....Boy was I wrong

lisa510's picture

Submitted by lisa510 on Sat, 09/11/2010 - 10:34pm

It seems to me that if you're the only one trying, you should stop. If you only want to be a participating member of the family and offer the sds your love and support and they don't want it, then give it to others who do. It's a shame, but your sds are missing out; you can't force it! Let it be and sleep well at night knowing you've made a genuin effort to share your love.

Tadpole79's picture

Submitted by Tadpole79 on Sun, 09/12/2010 - 2:15pm

Thanks..I have had others tell me that too...but I just kept trying...but have come to the end of the rope..I'm done... thanks for your advise

lisa510's picture

Submitted by lisa510 on Sat, 09/11/2010 - 10:34pm

It seems to me that if you're the only one trying, you should stop. If you only want to be a participating member of the family and offer the sds your love and support and they don't want it, then give it to others who do. It's a shame, but your sds are missing out; you can't force it! Let it be and sleep well at night knowing you've made a genuin effort to share your love.

Tadpole79's picture

Submitted by Tadpole79 on Sun, 09/12/2010 - 2:24pm

Thanks...their father has talked to them about getting along and I want to be their friend not their mother...but he gets no where with them...its like talking to a wall he says he is very frustrated with them too!

AVR1962's picture

Submitted by AVR1962 on Sun, 09/12/2010 - 11:38am

I do so understand your confusion. I I was raised in a country home where we learned right and wrong and we learned to love and forgive. What I have had to endure as a stepmom delaing with step children and a BM that was not raised to believe the same was very hard on me. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and unfortunately it doesn't sound like steps are even giving you a chance, unfortunate for them. I do hope your husband will be supportive.

Tadpole79's picture

Submitted by Tadpole79 on Sun, 09/12/2010 - 2:27pm

Thanks..yes, my husband does support me,but is still hard for him...puts him in the middle..and I don't like that either...sounds like we both had a good family childhood..

Tadpole79's picture

Submitted by Tadpole79 on Sun, 09/12/2010 - 2:32pm

Thanks...yes I feel like Iam the only one trying...I've said I was done with them several times, but just keep thinking let it go they are young...but the time has come like you, I do not want anything to do with SDs or their children. Still fell bad...but I think this sight will help me get thru this...thanks