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At it again

sanity23's picture

I am so upset; i know its fathers day and all, but seriously. This 12 year old sucks her thumb and is afraid of the dark, thunderstorms, her own shadow, etc. and her father plays into it and allows her to act like a baby. There might be a thunderstorm tonight so he is going to sleep with her WITH HER. Did I mention she is 12?! I find it to be poor parenting to let such antics to go on. IF it was my kid I would say "hey its just a storm theres nothing to be afraid of" I think that if you act like you should be scared its a storm and sleeping with her because there MIGHT be a storm is not right. Seriously we broke up a year ago because of this behavior and I just cannot deal anymore!! Please HELP!! Does anyone think that this is as crazy as I think it is? I have a nephew the same age and he does not act this way at ALL. Not to mention he tells me i am watching his daughter all week because when he asked I told him we do not have the money this week I do not really want to have her this week and he does it anyway then acts like oh well deal. So some advice on what to do would be nice. THanks so much in advance.

Comments

violetforest's picture

Totally agree, my hubby's ex baby's the 13 year old, needs to protect him from us but treats the 16 year old like he is a nobody from a 3rd world country. Drives me nuts, when we got together he talked baby talk, needed speech therapy and now she has put him on ADD meds without Hubby's concent which per the court order she needed Hubby's concent and input with the assessment PRIOR but no we have to baby him because of course she knows no other way to parent other than to medicate him. (we have never had any behaviors that would indicate his needs for these types of medications, his last school never indicated any issues and his current report cards and teachers do not indicate concerns only his biomom) Treat them like a baby and that is how they will act.

sanity23's picture

Thanks for the post but really what am i to do? I am at my wits end; I need comfort advice. I am seriously thinking of just moving out, we have a two year old that acts more mature than she does. I SWEAR if my son acts anything like it because of him I am going to explode on him.

Sunnydays's picture

Sanity23, I can relate to this... My DH is the same way with my SS although he is a little younger. I love my SS dearly, but there are somethings that my DH does that irritates the hell out of me. Like rocking his 6 yr old to sleep. I'll NEVER understand it. I try and tell him that he is no longer a baby and is big enough to be put to bed, tucked in, read a book and to fall asleep. We do this with our 2 year old son, so when I asked why he doesn't do it with the 6yr old it's "because that's they way "we" (meaning his ex and himself) have always put him to bed! So I've just learned to bite my tounge and go on. He's only making my SS weak by treating him like a baby. So as long as "they" don't mind him being weak when he gets older, why should I? As for advice I wish I could really offer some because maybe then I would learn how to deal with it better on the inside!

sanity23's picture

Thats what I think; why would you want your child to be afraid of their own shadow? She is so dependent and thinks that her dad should sleep with her and when she is here they are tied together the entire time. We have a two year old and he treats him differently; if he wants to go outside and play he puts him outside by himself, now if his daughter wanted to go outside and play he would be right there. Its frustrating when I bring up the difference on how he treats each kid he says its because our son lives with him!! Really so if I moved out you would treat him better; good ridens. IDK its annoying. guess ill deal or leave.

AlexandraL's picture

I had somewhat similar problems with my exbf...except the stuff was health related...his daughter seeks attention from hypochondria bc her mom has anxiety issues and is a hypochondriac. Both parents were/are totally fearful for her health and safety and so, something minor (a headache, for example) is suddenly a possible brain tumor, that kind of stuff. Minor childhood injuries and illness is always potentially something more sinister and the world stops when something happens, or it did.

At any rate, my exbf didn't realize the dysfunction in rewarding a child for illness until we went to a couple's counselor. Hearing it from me didn't really allow the stuff to sink in, but hearing it from an objective third party went a long way in him at least beginning to see how he was harming his daughter.

Do you think your BF would be agreeable to counseling? Just curious, is SD an only child? How's the BM? Is she like my exbf's BM?

sanity23's picture

Hers is not health related its mental. However, both parents play into the acts and actually lets her think its okay. :jawdrop:

sanity23's picture

I feel the same way; its completely inappropriate for him to be sleeping with her but i have given my opinion. I truly think that she does it for attention her mother, she says, sleeps with her too. And yes it upsets me that he does not listen to me that he is doing her more harm than good.