Jealously issues driving me crazy
I am not a jealous person so its hard for me comprehend jealous, controlling thoughts or urges. DH & I have a near perfect life when skids are not there, but when they come, we both become more short tempered and affectionate starts to lack. Once its just us, DH is all over me, showering with kisses, I love you's, hugs etc. He still does when skids are around, HOWEVER, they have to intruppt or say "but daddy I love you" and want a hug right then and there. I always step aside b/c unlike me, they dont see him everyday and I dont want to stand in the way of their time or affection. At first I thought it was just me, but I'm starting to see they would jealous of a brick wall if he showed that slight more attention them then!!
They are jealous when DH spends time with my niece (his too) and she is only 2 so he does more baby things with her, well of course, they then want to do that same stuff and will try to push her out of the way to get the attention. They do with my SIL kids as well, who are 4 & 2. I know a lot of kids are like this but I've gone into observation mode a lot lately observing other kids, and the skids have it BAD! I talked to DH about it and he agrees, but what can you really do about it??!! You cant tell them not want to hug their father or say I love you and you cant give time frames on when they can do so.
This morning, just took me over the edge. I got up and used the bathroom and came back in our bedroom & shut the door and DH was sitting on the edge of the bed and said come here baby and kissed and was hugging me. Something we normally do in the morning to start our days. And the door opens and here is SS5. DH never pulls away from me, I'm the one who pulls away from him, if I feel them coming. And SS5 makes his baby sound when he wants DH to pay attention to him and he runs practically into me to get in Daddy's arms. I feel like I shouldnt be annoyed by this, but I am.
DH and I are planning to start for a baby (my first and only) at the end of this year and it concerns me for what will happen. B/c I'm not going to be okay with them trying to push my baby out of the way.
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My SD12 does the same thing.
My SD12 does the same thing. Not always but she does sometimes and it drives me nuts. If we are sitting on the couch and cuddling she will want to do the samething. She makes little comments like... "he's my daddy. I will win." So eventualy this drove me nuts. One day Dh and I sat her down for a talk. We let her know that there is no compition between the two of us. It is her dad and my husband. He loves us both in completely different ways. I do not come before her and she does not come before me. We are in different catagories. I think this helped her a lot because it might have made her realized that she and I hold different places in his heart and he can loves us both.
I aqree with spunkidoolittle.
I aqree with spunkidoolittle. You said, " but what can you really do about it??!! You cant tell them not want to hug their father or say I love you and you cant give time frames on when they can do so." WRONG!!! actually, you can and need to teach them that there is a moment and a time for everything. They need hug their dad when they feel like it not when they feel jealous about it. If they do, they need to wait their turn because that is plain rude.
Spot on Gia...teaching
Spot on Gia...teaching appropriate behavior is what it is all about.
Don't think you're the only
Don't think you're the only one who gets these feelings, and no, you're not wrong to feel the way you do.
BF and I have set up some rules when it come to things like this. SS4 is not allowed to sit in between us without permission or asking first. He is not allowed to interrupt any affection between us whats so ever. He is more than welcome to hang all over BF so long as he's not interrupting something between us. BF never says "It's time for me and outofplace right now", instead it's "You are not allowed to interrupt me and outofplace", so it doesn't create competition between him and I, and he feels less loved than me.
Subconsciously they're fighting with you, trying to make your DH choose them over you, because they're unsure of your place and theirs. So it's your DH respondsiblity to let them know where everyone stands.
It has worked wonders for us!
I'm gonna go out on a limb
I'm gonna go out on a limb and ASSume they get these jealous tendencies and need to compete from their mothers..... :jawdrop:
While I haven't experienced this, yet. I can see this happening with BF's kids. However when BF gets home from work, I'm more interested in allowing our kids to get all the love they need from him the moment he walks through that door. Then mom is open to get all the affection she needs from dad. This is definitely something I'd need to go over with the BF as we're talking of marriage and I don't want any of his kids being jealous or feeling the need to compete with me over dads affection. His kids (all GIRLS) are VERY attached to him, as they rarely see him due to his work schedule and uncivilized BM's.