BM Vent - She annoys the hell out of me
SS9 needs braces and a lot of work. He has been to the dentist about 7 times in the past 4 mos doing all the prep work. Today was the day, where they discuss the cost and timeline. We carry the insurance for the skids. And BM said she was going to add them to her insurnace so they have double coverage and eliminates co-pays, BUT never did. So its going to cost $1800 out of pocket for phase one and phase two isnt covering but thats about 18-20 mos away.
So they said that we have to put a downpayment of $450 (spilt so we may pay $225). We have a Flex Spending account and plan to just use that for our portion. Well they said that they will give us ONE payment book and it works out to $75/mo (Split $37.50 each). So I said to DH well BM doesnt pay her bills as is. She gets CS and daycare is always behind, she lost her house, her car, her phone has been cut off numerous times. And the kicker, she makes more than both of us!! So I said I refuse to write a check to her and rely on her to pay it. Because I dont want that money going elsewhere and then we get screwed in the end of this.
Why cant the damn dentist office just give us each a payment book splitting it down the center b/c SS9 is not the only parents with split parents that have to pay for braces. I'm so annoyed b/c everytime I turn around, we are putting more money out for them and she is the one getting half of his paycheck!!
Everyday I wish for the bitch to found herself on a desserted island and get eaten alive by some crazy animal. I know thats mean, but she is a money grubing whore and she doesnt spend the CS on the boys and we know for a fact. Example, SS5 daycare was 6 weeks behind and they called DH and said if it wasnt paid in full, they'd have to refuse him at the door. She got 2 CS payments in that time!! That would've paid that in full plus some!!
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We're going through the same
We're going through the same thing. The ortho sent US the payment book in the mail for some reason, which was very annoying because the only way they would have gotten our mailing address was from her. We have to split it, but it's her responsibility to pay it and then we reimburse her. Otherwise, we would never know that our half was being paid if we wrote her a check. I completely understand your frustration. We sent the payment book to her and told her that it's her responsibility, but we'll pay half as the court order says. The way I look at it, if she's going to authorize the visits then she needs to pay it. We'll pay half, but only after it has been run through our insurance and she's paid at least her half. However, in our case, she owes us $800 that was overpaid in child support so we made a deal (on paper and signed) that we don't have to pay any on this cycle and we won't go after her for that money in court. So it works out evenly. I do NOT look forward to the second cycle of these braces though. Ugh.
Ugh...we deal with the same.
Ugh...we deal with the same. So frustrating not knowing where the money is going. Oh wait, it goes to tanning and hair and nail appointments, new clothes (for BM, not the kids) and getting drunk on week nights, and going on weekend trips with friends.
I agree you should not rely on BM to cash the check you write her and to make the payment. Be responsible for your end and your end only! I think you are right in that there should be some way for the dental office to allow you to make separate payments. Why would it matter where it comes from - a payment is a payment to them. I think you should call the office and request to speak to the manager (if there is an office manager) or the dentist. Could you open up a bank account specifically for this and have BM deposit the $75 each month, but make it so she cannot take any money out? I don't know if that would work but it might!
Good luck! Money makes dealing with ex's and bm's so much more difficult.
OMG do we have the same
OMG do we have the same BM...she doesnt get her hair or nails done but she tans and parties the wkds WITH and without them!!
Well I told DH that I think we should have the lawyer write up something where we take her portion (37.50) out of the CS (DH writes a check to her, its not auto withdrawn) and then we pay the full amount. That way we know its getting paid and on time. But this all just occurred this morning.
Love DH to death but he really procastnates with things and I'm not like that. I want to know what's gonna happen, when and how.
Hahaha...my DF is the same!
Hahaha...my DF is the same! I'm like "Get it done now!!" and he waits and waits....I'm sure it's him not wanting to create conflict but NOT making a decision IS making a decision
I think that's a great idea about going through child support.
SO frustrating....I have to
SO frustrating....I have to ask him everyday did he do this or that. We are in the process of trying to have CS reduced b/c SS5 goes to scholl this year and will be out of daycare. And I ask him everyday did you follow up with the lawyer. I'm like thats money we could be saving if you'd get it taken care of!!
my x and I did this as well.
my x and I did this as well. I mailed in my part each month with my son's name and his account # worked out on my end
We had this same situation
We had this same situation almost a year ago. SS10 got Phase 1 done, and the ortho is up in the air whether he thinks SS will benefit from a Phase 2 also or not. Regardless, it is expensive, we know! BM is antoher one that doesn't ever pay any of her bills, collections from Doctors and Dentists all the time, just got one in the mail the other day in fact. But she has to keep up on the ortho or else SS can't keep going. When we first got the proposal I was like you, and wanted two different payment accounts. SS Mom account for her share, and SS Dad account for our share. We'll of course that is not what BM wanted, she wanted us to give her cash of our portion every month. I was like yeah right so you can spend it, and have no paper trail to show we paid our portion, I'm not that dumb (she's done it so many times before to my BF). So BF said he would write her a check (which I still didn't like, just like you), well she is so irresponsible that she can't keep a bank account because of her derogatory history of running accounts into the negative and not repaying them. Not my fault, but my idea was the separate accounts, well our ortho didn't want to do it either, but after multiple phone calls they were willing to make the exception to do it. I looked at it like this, if they want the business they will work with you, and they did.
Since then BM took my BF back for CS, and in that the ortho bill was addressed. I didn't like it at first, but what they did was they incorporated our portion of the bill in her CS payment so she gets that portion every month in her CS money. I wanted our portion to just to STRAIGHT to the Ortho, that was I KNEW it was paid, but they didn't want to do that. You know the court has all of their faith that the BM will do the right thing with the $$$$, yeah right!!!! But all of the CS documents have it in there that BF pays her in her CS for the ortho and it is HER responsibility to pay the ortho. If anything legal comes out of this EX- Collection account, we will have the court docs to show BF is not the one responsible. Of course she doesn't always do this, and instead alot of months has her Mom or Dad pay because she is worthless, but still it is off our back now. We actually have nothing to do with the appointments or payments at all, just updates about progress every so often by calling the ortho office to make sure the stories BM is telling are accurate, and I like it like that, less for me to bother with is how I see it!
Why are they so insanely
Why are they so insanely stupid and losers and worse what did our men see in them?!?!
She doesnt pay anything on time and I'll be damned if I give her money to pay things and find out its behind and then SS9 cant get the treatment he needs. And thats not fair to him!! DH and I are going to discuss this wkd and figure out a plan that we can live with.
I know! I could not agree
I know! I could not agree with you more! I often ask my BF the same thing, what the hell were you thinking????? Of course there is no real answer, just young and dumb is the only response he can give me. Of if he has a chance to do it over and knew then what he knows now, he would have never even started dating her. But it happened and it's real. But it does amayze me how some of these BM act. Like fathers owe the BM the world just because they had their kids. Sorry just because I didn't get pregnant at a young age, doesn't mean I deserve less!
I swear our BM has to have the lowest credit score possible. Can't have anything in her own name, Rent-Father's name, Phones-Best Friend's name, Car-Mom's name, Insurance-Dad, and the list goes on, and on! And your right, it's the kids who end up suffering. They want to be viewed as "Mother of the year", yet they are the ones responsible for making their kids go without. Yeah, that's really Mother of the year material to me!!! Her old trick was telling my BF that the kids always had doctors appointments, like all the time. So after a little bit I caught on and asked SD about her doctor visit the other day and she's like I didn't go to the doctors, we went to the mall with Mommy's friend. LIAR, she was taking the money claiming it was for medical reasons (so my BF wouldn't question, afterall since it was about his children's health), and she was pocketing the money for herself!
Children's bills are really challenging, but I would try to contact the ortho again because there has to be some sort of plan they can work out for you. Every office makes their own "rules", but they are never set in stone, there has to be some flexibility there. And when I called and they finally let me do it, they mentioned that they don't understand why they get this request all the time, well obviously it is a common problem!
OMG I've asked him SO many
OMG I've asked him SO many times. B/c he tells me all the time how he was never attracted to her and his kids were "not planned". So I'm like okay well why then b/c something there made you sleep with her (puked a lil in mouth!) Seriously BM looks like a dude!! At first I thought it was just me but then I did a poll of random ppl and didnt tell them anything and wow what a response!! lol. This BM wants DH to pay for her "broken" heart. He left her b/c he was so damn miserable and on the way to being an alcholic if he didnt leave. And she tried for months to get him to come back and she couldnt get that he was unhappy. Then he met me and well all hell broke loose. She became SUPER biter and wanted him to pay.
He never not supported his kids but he said he wasnt going to support her. BM and I dont speak b/c she is so immature. She tries to be best friends with DH when I'm not around but when I'm around, she wont even talk to him and just glares. Seriously?! She needs to grow up!
BM's right there with her on the credit score. She lost her house, car, has doctor bills and who knows what else. She pays the minimum payment when her stuff is about to be cut off. Sad part is, she makes good money more than DH and I.
For some BM, at least mine
For some BM, at least mine and yours, there seems to be a misunderstanding between CS and supporting them! They think that you should pay for EVERYTHING! When my BF and BM got divorced she guilt tripped him into soooooo much extra money, and he was just going along with it like it was fine. Finally I was like WTF! Literally he would give her money on Friday when he got paid, and she would be out by Monday, and try to get him to come and drop off more money to her after work on Monday, which would happen at least one more time before the next Friday! She literally told him that he needs to pay for his kids because her income is for HER and only her, not to raise his kids. Like seriously, how selfish of a mother are you???? They are just as much her kids as they are his! She's tried everything, and everytime they would go to court it was sob sob, poor me, I'm a divorcee of 4 kids (2 are my BF, the other 2 are other guys), feel sorry for me! And the thing that gets me is the courts used to side with her. It's kinda different with us my BF makes way better money than she does, but that is because she works part time at a very low paying job (her choice) because she just can't take a full on career type job because it is "too stressful" for her. But she likes it that way, because then she knows she is getting my BF's money every month!
Me and BM don't talk at all either, like literally can't because she is so totally immature. The only time that she did try to be civil with me was because she wanted me and my BF to foot the bill for Christmas and her take the credit. As soon as I called her out on it, I was every name in the book.
Sometimes I wonder why my BF has such blinders on when dealing with BM, I'm sure you feel like that too. I just don't get it, she is so fake and it is so obvious to me, but he doesn't see it. And then I'm the b*tch for nit-picking everything. Maybe because I'm a woman too, or that I'm an outsider, but sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my mind!
WOW!! Thats all I can say!!
WOW!! Thats all I can say!! How is he expected to pay for his kids but her money is hers. What a jackass!!!
I like it better that we dont talk. I see SM on here who have to get txts and nasty calls from BM and I'm glad I dont have to deal with that.
Thankfully my DH never has given her more and when they didnt have CS sitauted, he paid for half of things directly to whatever it was. Like daycare, he paid straight to the place and not her. Now when she asks for eaxtra, he's like take my portion out of child support. And she throws a big old fit and we laugh at her!!
And yeah sometimes I feel like I'm loosing my mind too! We seem to have a lot in common!
We do have alot in common,
We do have alot in common, your right! Crazy BM's to deal with!
You are so lucky in the aspect that you never delt with harassment! That really was a low part of my relationship and my life. But once she had a court order to stay away from me in every way possible, and she got probation for 5 years, she knew she didn't want to mess with me then. But there still are immature comments all the time, but now I ignore it.
I'm glad your DH was smarter than my BF. For some reason my BF felt that if he didn't do what BM wanted that he was a terrible father, and it took alot of arguments and conversations to get him to realize that BM was just manipulating him in every way possible. If I had my way he would have paid everything directly to the places like daycare, doctors, dentists, etc. If that would have been the way it was the kids would not have been switched to so many daycares due to non-payment. They love to throw fits though! Sometimes I wonder who is more mature the skids or her, alot of days I lean towards the skids!
She stalked my house the
She stalked my house the first few mos we dated and I'd call her out on it. I cant tell you how many times I've made her cry. And she let me know i was getting under her skin so I continued to do so. She is 5 years older me and she said I was immature! I've never stalked someone or drive by their house 5x a day. She is all talk though. She use to tell me that her and her g/f's were going to get me if they ever saw me. I use to see all them all of time, never once has anyone touched me or even said a word to me!!
BM tried to play that guilt trip on DH. She'd tell him you "left your family" and he'd remind her repeatedly that he left HER not his children. She'd call him a deadbeat and had a lot of people believing so b/c when he first left, he didnt have a place to stay so he couldn't take the kids overnight for a few months till he got his own place so she told people he never came around. But he was at her house spending time with the kids every other day and took them on the wkds and spent whole days with them. Karma is a bitch b/c all those people she told he was a deadbeat too have since seen her true colors and apologized to DH for thinking he'd ever do something like that. But she played the pity party well.
You may need to find another
You may need to find another orthodontist. When SD needed braces, BM and DH agreed to split it equally after insurance. The orthodontist's office had them sign something to that effect. The first bill comes in and BM claims she never agreed to pay. Orthodontists whipped out the signed agreement and that was that. So then BM tried every way she could to get us to pay MORE than half. DH took SD the majority of the time and would deliver a check for his half to the orthodontist every month (per the payment plan). BM constantly claimed DH missed a payment or underpayed, anything she could do to get more money. But we had it all on paper. When all was said and done, it was BM who was WAY behind on her payments, and she was trying desperately to get that money from DH. Get a job, would you?! She didn't work (by choice) and was always crying "poor me." Go find someone who cares.
Amicrazy, I think our BM is
Amicrazy, I think our BM is the same! No doubt! The lazy bitch can't put anything in her name cause her credit is so fricked up!! She relies on everyone else.. And now gets food stamps to buy her kids junk food since she doesn't even cook dinner! She could get a job instead of tanning, doing her nails, dying her hair, drinking every day and being a scank at night!! Its disgusting.. And you wonder why my BF is with me? UM.. I'm not a drunk lazy idiot for one..lol.. I work full time, pay my own bills, have my own car, and I don't dress like a scank.. On that, just a side not lol, when my BF went to pick up the kids from BM the other day he got home n was like "OMG, u should seen what she was wearing..she is such a scank!" I said what now? "Booty shorts, with her flat no ass showing (EW) and a skin tight belly shirt reading"I hate haters" WTF?? He was like I'm so glad u don't dress like a scank! Lol.. Seriously tho ladies?! Why is she dressing like that in front of her kids, or in front of my BF? EW, please put some clothes on! Had to share that lol
Sounds like a very similar
Sounds like a very similar situation dguiwh2334!
Haha about the junk food! Not because it is healthy all the time, but because our BM doesn't cook either! It makes too much mess! You know because normal people don't make dinner then clean it up, she doesn't want to deal with it, so instead she buys the kids frozen waffles because they are super cheap like 2.00 a box and they eat those all the time for dinner. SD said she is so sick of waffles that she usually throws it away when BM leaves the room. I laughed but then she isn't even getting dinner. And if it isn't frozen waffles, it is ramen noodles!
I swear if credit scores could go negative, she would have the most negative score possible! And the thing that I don't get, is that she doesn't care! I guess because I work in finance and know the importance of credit in your life I have more respect for it, but she has none. It's like a game for her, lets try to get an account somewhere and run it sky high and then not make 1 payment. She has collections for medical bills, dentists, multiple daycares, even her old landlord that evicted her 2 years ago. All that matters to her is tattoos, hair, tanning, nails, and new clothes, black of course because you know it is super slimming! LOL, sorry but it's true, she like only wears black because she thinks that somehow it will subtract 60 pounds and make her look skinny! LOL And my other favorite is black flipflops that are at least 3-4 inches thick, because they are tall they will also slim her another 20 pounds! haha Our BM has no style either! She is def on the larger side, but she always is wearing black or jeans and sweatshirts looking like a bum. I on the other hand take pride in my appearance, and am into fashion, I do really like clothes and shoes and stuff like that, so whenever she sees me anywhere she will be on the phone with my BF in like 30 seconds flat about how I look like a whore and a slut and she can't believe that he would let me leave the house looking like that. Meanwhile whenever she sees me 95% of the time I just came from work where I work at a bank, at least at my bank, you aren't allowed to wear anything inappropriate. But seriously who the hell is she to say anything. One time picking the skids up from daycare she saw me and made this huge thing about how I looked like a whore and my ass was hanging out, and he should be ashamed to call me his GF. This fight literally lasted 5 days! 5 days going round and round in a circle about me and her clothing accusations, meanwhile I showed BF just what I was wearing that day just so he could see that I was wearing a very work appropriate stylish outfit, and he agreed that there was nothing remotely wrong with it. When she realized she was loosing the battle of how I was dressed like a whore, then it turned into "I hope your ready to be a grandfather in another couple of years because if our daughter follows in your GF foot steps, she will be knocked up before she is out of highschool. Sorry but I wasn't the one pregnant in highschool, she was, and had 4 kids before she was 27! I freaked for a day or so, but then I laughed about it, because I was getting to her that much that I was completely consuming her life for 5 days straight! }:)
HAAA our BM dresses awful to
HAAA our BM dresses awful to but she is really overweight and does not have the body for it she wears belly shirts to teacher conferences with her chest hanging out.... sooo makes me die everytime I see it...