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BestEvilSM's picture

Submitted by BestEvilSM on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 6:09pm

Hello! I am new to this site, but came across it on my search for advice. Today is Thursday. The start of the weekend with my "stepkids." I'm feeling anxious and really not in the mood to deal with them. The older one is 15 and the youngest is 10. I don't have any children on my own, so often times I ask myself if maybe I just not cut out for this type of relationship. Their dad and I have been together for over 3 years. It's by far the most rewarding relationship I've ever been in due to their dad. He is an incredible man. However, since it's the first time I've ever been with a man whose been married and has children makes it the most challenging relationship. Over 3 years with this man and I've never the BM. She's made no initiative to meet me? Should I be concerned? Is this normal?

Comments

NachoMama's picture

Submitted by NachoMama on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 6:13pm

I have met the BMs of my skids...and truly wish that I hadn't. I keep them as far away from me as possible. I have to in order to keep my sanity.

****I can do bad all by myself****

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 6:17pm

You should thank your lucky stars you have no contact with bm. Smile

Welcome!

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 7:17pm

Agreed! I envy you!! LOL - and Welcome Smile

______________________________________
"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

Snowflake's picture

Submitted by Snowflake on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 6:58pm

I met BM only a few times when we were first together. I think the last time was when I was in the hospital and she had to pick of the steps. She tried to poke her head in and be nosey and ask what was wrong with me.

The last time before that was when she found out I was prego and she wanted to confirm that I was. You could tell that she was on FIRE!!!!

I have really tried to avoid her calls, and her. She is a very unpleasant person with a very mean stare. Once when she knew my kids were in town, she came into the house... and proceded to give my kids a mean stare.

My son just stared at her back. Didn't say a word. Not hi, not anything. Now he normally is a really outgoing nice kid. But can hold his own, and I think he could sense her evil vibes. When she left he was cracking me up. He said that she couldn't have given him a meaner stare, and that she was an ugly fat mean looking person. He also said how could she have ever been married to a nice guy like my dh. He said she was the opposite of me. Kids tell the truth!!!

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 8:44pm

Welcome! Yes, I think I have to agree with the others. If it has been this long and you still haven't met her, then you don't want to meet her. Because she obviously has issues with you. And since that is the case, better to have no contact with her, than to meet her and have her start trying to sabotage your life and harass you.

Other than this, how is the relationship? What about the kids?

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

BestEvilSM's picture

Submitted by BestEvilSM on Fri, 04/09/2010 - 10:37am

I guess I should stop trying to understand why she has so much animosity to her ex-husband and I. She is the one that cheated and broke-up their unhappy marriage. She is married to this man now and they have a child together. Why the animosity? Anyway, you asked about the relationship and the kids. The relationship is great! We're a great team...I have no issues with our relationship except that the baggage that he comes with. Granted, we all have baggage of some sort, but the BM and the kids are excessive baggage. The kids for the most part are great. I can't say they are disrespectful or evil. We just come from very different backgrounds and it's often difficult for me to relate to them. They are very materialistic, spoiled, and lack responsibility. These are not characteristics my guy possess. Based on the stories the girls share with me about their mom, my guess is that mom possess these qualities. After being married to her for 10 years, my guy confirms it. They are not bad kids and I'm in a great relationship. So what's the problem? I have no real relationship with the kids. I'm not crazy about them and I feel guilty for feeling that way. I don't envision them as a part of our travel plans unless its to Disneyland. I don't really think of them until they are physially at our home. Because their mom and stepdad are married, I often think they disregard the relationship their dad and I have because we're not married. 3+ years together and we're just looking to rush into anything. We're happy the way things are now, so why I change it right? Anyway, I hoping this site will allow me to feel normal for how I feel about my "stepkids."

folkmom's picture

Submitted by folkmom on Thu, 04/08/2010 - 8:46pm

three years here...i met her once...and not on purpose! she came to our house and stood in the street at 10:30 at night screaming...while wearing pink fuzzy slippers:) i told her off. that would be our one and only meeting.

i have "seen" her on occasion..but then her nose is tough to miss:)