I realise that those who have probably aren't on this site... But any stories of hearsay stories of stepmoms who bailed and are now happy would be great. Struggling right now.
If I am reading your question correctly. I am divorced from the ultimate failed blended family. I am at peace, lonely yes, but at peace.
I think what happens in dysfunctional families is the unhealthy becomes a norm. Often we are gaslighted to think we are damaged, NOT the incestual daddio and daughter. At least that was my case. I was led to believe I was jealous, too sensitive, and I was in the wrong to not accept I place second as the wife. Valentines day brings so many sad hurtful memories. BUT you know what I am happy to be ME. I am happy to not be angry, hurt, sad and that no matter what I did I was not good enough.
You are enough. You are a superstar when toxic is behind you.
No kiddos with ex DH. He did the bait and switch. He initially said he wanted more. SD was furious that daddio would want more. He finally said why do I want more when SD is already perfection. PUKE Hello ex DH are we talking about the same snot nosed brat that is perfection?
I was devastated and stayed too long. Now bios off the table. BUT that was a blessing in hindsight. Otherwise I wouldve been connected to this toxic crew for life.
Domestic violence if you want confirmation if you are being abused or not. Narcissists gaslught others not normal people with empathy.
Domestic Violence places helped me a lot...they have tons of resources even uf you aren't being abused! Hugs!! Listen to your gut, get info, you got this!
Stepdrama, I dealt with incest too...my ex had triplets via artificial insem. And literally said his 23yo dd really wasn't his (justifying that it was ok to fool around with her). Blew my mind
There are several here who have moved on and are happy. Look up the blogs of NoWireCoatHangars and ProbablyAlready. StepUltimate has a blog that is still on the first page titled, "Freedom!!!" She is well on her way to a new and happy life.
I am now happily remarried. I recommend running if things aren't grear. Longer we stay with wrong people, less likely we are to find the right ones. I am on this site because this site helped me to leave wrong situation 8 years ago (under different screen name). I am now trying to pay back by helping others in bad situations to see the light.
I left and am now happily engaged to and living with someone incredible, patient, kind and understanding. My fiance also has his life together and does not have any kids so that is definitely nice for sure! I feel I can finally breathe and enjoy life. My self esteem is also so much better than it was. Even before I met my fiance, after the break up I was more at peace. Yes there were times of loneliness but they would pass. The first three months after the break up were really difficult but it got easier after that. Every month after the first three got better. I began dating about a year after the break up and met someone soon after. Life is good. I am here to tell you, you can do this
I've been miserable for the past 2 1/2 years since I moved in with my boyfriend and his two daughters. Today I made a hard decision to tell him I was moving out and won't be renewing my lease with him. I'm terrified, I feel like I blew up my world but I'm also excited and relieved. I know that it will be worth it. My inner child has been making a lot of my decisions in the past and I will no longer let that happen, adult me is taking over and will make the right decisions for my growth and well-being. Being in this relationship and living together has only cost me stress and affected my mental health. That's it I jumped today and I can't wait to touchdown.
I left.. Not really happy.. But divorce has only been 5 months..I doubt I will ever get over the dysfunctional situation I was in.. If I had a chance to do it again (marriage to blended family) I would not do it..No way.. Searching for some healing and peace...
The main issue for me....despite all the crazy drama...was that the man I married showed me that I was not honored as wife in his mind. I was there, I realized, to do chores, help pay bills, and sex only. He didn't put me first...more like 5th after his ex wife n triplets.
It's not acceptable to be someone's slave. The selfish men out there who use women with no benifits to her deserve to be lonely old men one day. I am sure my ex's princess/wife won't be there to clean him up when he is old.
I left when I was ready...without notice. I ghosted him after n divorced him 5 months after I left...via zoom. Zero contact....helped me heal faster
The first 3 months after I left were filled with hyperviligance. He tried to contact me many times. I ignored my slave driver. He never respected me as a human being so why should I give him a listening ear and a chance to hoover me back in?
A year later I am HAPPY, PEACEFUL AND FREE. IF my ex had put me in the proper place of wife...and defended me, etc. I might have stayed...maybe he, like many parents on here, would eventually have learned boundaries on his kids etc.
Yes, there is great happiness to leave a situation in which you are disrespected on the daily. It is abuse and staying in it will tear at your self worth.
Taking care of you is priority. It's good to bail from a sinking ship...or one stuck in the muck n mire of mini wives and a husband who gets his emotional and other needs met by other women including his ex or children...
I am free and happy. Life is short, why be any other way? Praying for you in your decision process!!
My ex literally just wanted a new mom for his kid. There was so much I overlooked cause he seemed like such a great guy but looking back he was literally talking about his ex on our first date.
From what I'm reading alot of people have left and are now happier. My experience definitely made me wake up
I stayed and things have 100% improved... I don't think there are many of those on this site. So I wanted to share.
When SD was younger she was 100% miniwife. As she has gotten older, DH (on his own) realized that she was not perfect. He also came to the realization that she will not be young forever. I think reality honestly slapped him in the face when we had an "ours baby". He accepted the large age gap between them... and also we started talking about potentially moving once SD is 18. Our dream is to eventually move to the beach. He has also accepted that our plans are not required to involve SD all the time and he should stop living his life (and ours) around her. It has been a huge adjustment and also some hurt on his part too... there has been some alienation.
None of this happened over night and we took years to get here. But happy we finally did. Otherwise, I honestly don't think I would have stayed.
I am!
If I am reading your question correctly. I am divorced from the ultimate failed blended family. I am at peace, lonely yes, but at peace.
I think what happens in dysfunctional families is the unhealthy becomes a norm. Often we are gaslighted to think we are damaged, NOT the incestual daddio and daughter. At least that was my case. I was led to believe I was jealous, too sensitive, and I was in the wrong to not accept I place second as the wife. Valentines day brings so many sad hurtful memories. BUT you know what I am happy to be ME. I am happy to not be angry, hurt, sad and that no matter what I did I was not good enough.
You are enough. You are a superstar when toxic is behind you.
Blessings
Exactly this.
Exaclty this. Exactly same set up. The gaslighting, the second place, the inappropriate relationship. Did you have a child together?
No bios
No kiddos with ex DH. He did the bait and switch. He initially said he wanted more. SD was furious that daddio would want more. He finally said why do I want more when SD is already perfection. PUKE Hello ex DH are we talking about the same snot nosed brat that is perfection?
I was devastated and stayed too long. Now bios off the table. BUT that was a blessing in hindsight. Otherwise I wouldve been connected to this toxic crew for life.
Call
Domestic violence if you want confirmation if you are being abused or not. Narcissists gaslught others not normal people with empathy.
Domestic Violence places helped me a lot...they have tons of resources even uf you aren't being abused! Hugs!! Listen to your gut, get info, you got this!
Same here
Stepdrama, I dealt with incest too...my ex had triplets via artificial insem. And literally said his 23yo dd really wasn't his (justifying that it was ok to fool around with her). Blew my mind
Jojo
No words
Disgusting.
Blessings to a better life
Blessings to you too
Sorry you went thru it too!!
There are several here who have moved on and are happy.
There are several here who have moved on and are happy. Look up the blogs of NoWireCoatHangars and ProbablyAlready. StepUltimate has a blog that is still on the first page titled, "Freedom!!!" She is well on her way to a new and happy life.
I bailed. I am now happily
I bailed.
I am now happily remarried. I recommend running if things aren't grear. Longer we stay with wrong people, less likely we are to find the right ones. I am on this site because this site helped me to leave wrong situation 8 years ago (under different screen name). I am now trying to pay back by helping others in bad situations to see the light.
Me!
I left and am FAR better off.
I left and took our shared baby with me as his kid was hurting ours and he did nothing but make (wierd) excuses.
He has chosen to not see our child - has not seen him in nearly four years.
I left and am now happily
I left and am now happily engaged to and living with someone incredible, patient, kind and understanding. My fiance also has his life together and does not have any kids so that is definitely nice for sure! I feel I can finally breathe and enjoy life. My self esteem is also so much better than it was. Even before I met my fiance, after the break up I was more at peace. Yes there were times of loneliness but they would pass. The first three months after the break up were really difficult but it got easier after that. Every month after the first three got better. I began dating about a year after the break up and met someone soon after. Life is good. I am here to tell you, you can do this
I just made the jump
I've been miserable for the past 2 1/2 years since I moved in with my boyfriend and his two daughters. Today I made a hard decision to tell him I was moving out and won't be renewing my lease with him. I'm terrified, I feel like I blew up my world but I'm also excited and relieved. I know that it will be worth it. My inner child has been making a lot of my decisions in the past and I will no longer let that happen, adult me is taking over and will make the right decisions for my growth and well-being. Being in this relationship and living together has only cost me stress and affected my mental health. That's it I jumped today and I can't wait to touchdown.
I left.. Not really happy..
I left.. Not really happy.. But divorce has only been 5 months..I doubt I will ever get over the dysfunctional situation I was in.. If I had a chance to do it again (marriage to blended family) I would not do it..No way.. Searching for some healing and peace...
We deserve respect
The main issue for me....despite all the crazy drama...was that the man I married showed me that I was not honored as wife in his mind. I was there, I realized, to do chores, help pay bills, and sex only. He didn't put me first...more like 5th after his ex wife n triplets.
It's not acceptable to be someone's slave. The selfish men out there who use women with no benifits to her deserve to be lonely old men one day. I am sure my ex's princess/wife won't be there to clean him up when he is old.
I left when I was ready...without notice. I ghosted him after n divorced him 5 months after I left...via zoom. Zero contact....helped me heal faster
The first 3 months after I left were filled with hyperviligance. He tried to contact me many times. I ignored my slave driver. He never respected me as a human being so why should I give him a listening ear and a chance to hoover me back in?
A year later I am HAPPY, PEACEFUL AND FREE. IF my ex had put me in the proper place of wife...and defended me, etc. I might have stayed...maybe he, like many parents on here, would eventually have learned boundaries on his kids etc.
Yes, there is great happiness to leave a situation in which you are disrespected on the daily. It is abuse and staying in it will tear at your self worth.
Taking care of you is priority. It's good to bail from a sinking ship...or one stuck in the muck n mire of mini wives and a husband who gets his emotional and other needs met by other women including his ex or children...
I am free and happy. Life is short, why be any other way? Praying for you in your decision process!!
Amazing
So proud of you.
Once you realize you dont have to live in misery, that life is what you make it, everything falls into place.
Dang right princess wont be there to change your ex DH diaper when he is old. He will have to sit on it (reference to Fonzie :) )
OP follow your gut. Its your BFF
My ex literally just wanted a
My ex literally just wanted a new mom for his kid. There was so much I overlooked cause he seemed like such a great guy but looking back he was literally talking about his ex on our first date.
From what I'm reading alot of people have left and are now happier. My experience definitely made me wake up
Have you already left?
Have you already left?
I stayed and things have 100% improved... I don't think there are many of those on this site. So I wanted to share.
When SD was younger she was 100% miniwife. As she has gotten older, DH (on his own) realized that she was not perfect. He also came to the realization that she will not be young forever. I think reality honestly slapped him in the face when we had an "ours baby". He accepted the large age gap between them... and also we started talking about potentially moving once SD is 18. Our dream is to eventually move to the beach. He has also accepted that our plans are not required to involve SD all the time and he should stop living his life (and ours) around her. It has been a huge adjustment and also some hurt on his part too... there has been some alienation.
None of this happened over night and we took years to get here. But happy we finally did. Otherwise, I honestly don't think I would have stayed.