First Post - Don't even know where to start
I have been reading this site for a few days now and see so many things I can relate to and am curious about. I have decided to throw my story into the mix, albeit I will probably be all over the place because I am currently so confused about what I am bothered about these days that I don't know which way is up. I also was hoping that a lot of what I struggle with will get better with time but when I read this site, I have more fear that I will never get to that ideal place with my blended family.
Ok so where to start. I have been with my BF for 3 years, living together for 2. We each have kids - him 2, myself 1. He is an amazing partner; we communicate wonderfully, plan time for ourselves, we both get along with our exes very amicably (no real craziness there), our kids adore each other and think of each other as siblings, etc... So in other words, we are very blessed with the makings of a great blended family. So why am I not happy? I have constant anxiety. Why do I question if I would be happier back with my ex? I know I don't still love my ex, but it would be so much easier. I could see my child every day, I could have more children like I always wanted without stresses of rocking the boat with BS and skids, I would not have to adjust to being a SM, etc... My skids are great kids but I get irritated about the smallest of things. I often do not look forward to going home when my skids are there and my BS is not. I want to form a stronger bond with them but when it comes time, I just get irritated. My BF and I have admitted to one another that we love each other's kids but it is not the same love as our own and I am frustrated that I don't think it ever will be. I can not imagine being irritated for the next 15 years. Are there any good news stories out there about a blended family that has made it work? Or am I going to have to make a choice to be with a man I love and struggle with blended family issues for a lifetime, or, decide to walk away and just focus on myself and BS? This is only the tip of the iceberg - but a start anyway.
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Comments
In you are in a blended family you will have to struggle
with the issues for as long as you are in the relationship. But, it sounds like you love your BF. Making it work is hard work, it is with any relationship. It's just up to you if you want to put in the effort of if it's to much to deal with ya know. Only you know the answer.
And a big fat WELCOME!!!!!
~All you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust~
hello
Welcome to ST.
First off, I think its great that you have a good relationship with your BF and that you and he have no real issues with the ex's (that's the cause of most people's problems right there). But since your and BF are doing ok on that end, then your situation isn't quite as bleak as you feel it is.
You will most likely never feel the same kind of love for your skids that you feel for you bioson. That's just the way it is. You can however, form a bond with them that will make you like or maybe even love them. It just takes time and alot of patience. I would bond with them through their interests. Ex. my skids are into skating and gymnastics. I was a gymnast, dancer, cheerleader, you-name-it when I was their age so I can talk to them for hours on end about gymnastics class because I was (still am actually) interested in that subject and have knowledge about it. My SS loves science and I got my degree in a science topic so we have tons to talk about there. I'm sure you get my drift by now. Find something that you can show a genuine interest in and use that as a means of bonding with them. It won't feel like work or like you're struggling if you have a real interest or passion for the topic/subject matter.
Keep in touch. I look forward to seeing you around the board
Confused123
It is a struggle evn if you don't have the added challenges of crazy ex's and angry kids. I read something, either on this site or another, that one poster contributed that summed up alot of this craziness for me.
You never really go "home" again once you get a divorce. Boy did that hit hard.
I am lucky that my bd lives with me full time but my dh shares custody. He will never have the luxury of living with his kids full time again. There are simple, daily things that he will miss out on that in-tact families take for granted.
I too want that bond with Dh but have not even come close after almost six years. In my case, I would never want back with the ex - ever!! However, it does not stop me from sorely missing the feeling of all being connected in the same circle. You are very lucky that you good communication with your Dh that will bring you closer. I have learned that trying to blend has it's own set of challegges that you just cannot be prepared for.
Welcome and good luck!
Do you ever feel like you
Do you ever feel like you are falling out of love with your BF because you are so irriated with your blended family life....you know you want to be with them and you had a great relationship at one time but you find it hard to get it back...
Don't know why
you have only those two options? either stay with this man, or go back with your ex, which is pretty odd, because most people here including me, would not even CONSIDER that an option (going back with your EX)...
You have the option of staying by yourself, you still wouldn't see your kid every single day, but you wouldn't have to deal with the "BS of the stepparenting world"
It has not being easy for me, even with a GREAT supportive husband by my side, and a stepchild that pretty much listens to what i say. But still IT HAS NOT being easy dealing with certain emotions and boundaries. At this point in my life I would never consider other option other than staying with the man I love. He has showed me that we truly are a team, he takes my opinion very seriously when it comes to SD or BM. So I truly think I can make it, I WILL struggle, that is for sure. But I will fight for my marriage and my family.
If you are willing to be a united front with DH and if HE IS WILLING too, then every obstacle should not be big enough to affect your marriage.