If you guys already had plans, then I'd put your foot down to say no to BM, however if you haven't, then it gets difficult because your DH is probably pleased to get extra time with them (though as he's doing BM a favour she should do the running around!)

You've got to pick your battles really, so unless it's disrupting your plans then I'd let it go.

"God never gives us more than we can cope with, I just wish he didn't have such faith in me!"

I totally understand this, except in our case, it's done in reverse. Wookie will ask to have the kids during OUR time. She will buy tickets to a play or concert and then want to keep them extra. We used to let her, but not anymore. You spent the money? Too bad.

Our solution - your time, your problem. Our time, our problem.
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Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

I think this depends on the relationship you and DH have with BM. If BM has been flexible to accommodate your plans, then I see nothing wrong with helping her out. IF you didn't already have something planned. If you and DH have plans, it's her responsibility to find childcare if an event she wants to attend happens on her weekend. So simply tell her no you can't do it.

If she's a pain in the butt 24/7 and always has something planned on her weekends, tell her to kick rocks! It's her responsibility to find a babysitter if she's uncomfortable leaving them at home. If she's planning an overnight trip, once again her responsibility to find a babysitter.

Also sounds like this favor is costing the dad, as she isnt dropping them off and picking them up. BM still expect the dad to do all the driving to help HER out. I bet it would be a little better if the BM said, and I will drive them to you and pick them up the next morning.

Okay so here is the agreement I have with my DH:

If SD is here on any days that are NOT his custody days, I am to be informed as soon as he finds out she will be here, not find out when I get home and she is already there and he has known for hours.

DH can take SD on any extra days he pleases, long as it doesn't interfere with any plans we have made prior, unless in case of emergency (a couple times BM called DH to come get SD because her and her husband were fighting). We don't really fight about who picks up who because we all live so close.

When DH does take SD on extra days, she is HIS SOLE responsibility. If I feel like lounging in my room and watching TV and she needs to be somewhere, you agreed to take her today, don't ask me to help unless I volunteer.

This arrangement works out well for us because DH gets to spend time with this kid, but also I don't get stepped on because IF we already have plans in place we don't change them and BM has to get a sitter. And I also don't have my kid free time impeded on because I will help him on his regular custody days, his extra time is just that, HIS extra time.

Maybe you guys need some sort of agreement on what extra day protocol is? But think about if you had kids. If you got to spend some extra time with them and it didn't effect anything DH and yourself had going on, wouldn't you be mad if DH had an issue with it?
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Rome wasn't built in a day, and my marriage won't be either.

Who does a husband owe his loyalty to, his wife, his kids ore his ex??? To me in a relationship that is based on respect if BM wants dad to take the kids on a weekend night that is hers, she asks & dad needs to say, let me talk it over with my wife & see what we have going on & I will get back to you. What cheeses most of us off on here who have step children that have visitation is when our men make decisions with their exes & not us. THAT is imo what is wrong here. Who doesn't want to have a say in what goes on in their own home.

If I want an evening w/o children I have to get a sitter, my parents if they wanted an evening out w/o children they had to get a sitter, that is part of life. Their is nothing wrong with BM asking dad to take the kids, but dad needs to respect is current wife & include her in the decision, unless he wants another ex wife.

I always tell my husband you think BM is a Biotch, I am smarter & gave up a whole lot so it is in your best interest to not have me for exwife #2.

Sweetthing, I agree with you, the marriage should be the first loyalty.. he should check with his wife to make sure there is nothing going on before making such a committment. now, I know that I am the one that is going to get ripped apart for saying/agreeing w/this.. so.. I DONT CARE in advance! lol.

I know I check w/my dh before I make plans.. whether it be on skids weekend or not. When we committed to each other, I know I am not the sole decision making person in that family... nor is my dh. We present each other with what we would like to do or go or have over if it will affect the other person.. then we make a decision TOGETHER. Its called respect.

Did we have this system worked out at first?? NOPE! lol.. do we now?? YES. We have a unique situation, in that my dh's visitation is not set in stone. He doesnt have anything specific assigned. What they do, is after DH and I discuss what we have going on in X month, he then plans vistitation requests around that. He then discusses w/the ex the weekends he would like, and they go from there. It has worked thus far..

FM, You have said nothing to be ripped a part for. Respect is something missing in most marriages & in life today...sorry I am on a roll with this today.

If I make plans that involve myself & my husband I check with him first, guess what I did that in my first marriage where there were no kids, and almost every normal married person I know does that.

My husband for one would LOVE it if BM would give up time on her weekend & let the kids come over ( BM would NEVER do that, she would rather leave 7 kids home alone to babysit themselves so she can go do Kareoke than allow the kids more time with their father) I for one love my steps but you know what even I need the two weekends a month with a few less kids & crazy going on and I don't feel guilty for saying that.

And you shouldnt!! None of us should. That is the thing.. and when people express that opinion lately, or sympathize w/someone that does, they get torn to shreds.

Glad you are still around Sweetthing!

Hey, the only way I will ever catch up on my laundry is if I have weeknd with only 2 mess makers ( DH & BS) verse all 4 walking mess makers, hollowed leged men who need my attention & create work for me. My only female companionship is a 7lb weiner dog and she can't reach the dials on the washing machine.