Feelings have changed since growing up

I met my husband 10 years ago. I was 19 and he was 35. We was seperated from his wife and had a 18 month little boy and a 3 year old little girl. We fell in LOVE hard and now have been married almost 7 years. We have a 5 year old little boy, 2 1/2 year old little boy and another boy due in about 5 weeks. My stepdaughter is now 13 and stepson 11. I LOVE being a mother more than anything in this whole world, but cannot say the same about being a stepmother. I look back and feel I was so young when I feel in love with my husband. I was 22 when we got married. I just was not thinking about how much I would change the older I got. The kids really were not a big deal when we were dating. They were young and we only had to hang out with them every another weekend. It seems to me the older they get and now that I have my own children it gets harder and harder!!!!!! I HATE when they come to stay with us. I feel that I have to compete with them to have attention or time from my husband. I basically feel that every other weekend I am on the back burner. I miss my husband! We were so in love at one time, but now I feel so lonely. I stay super busy with our boys, but often regret ever marrying anyone that had children. It is so hard! They really are good kids, but I just really cannot stand them!!!! I feel they take so much time away from my life and make me so sad. I really envy people that have the normal family...husband, wife and kids. I dread every weekend they come. I could write for days about my feeling, but am just wanting to know how many other people feel the same way I do. Anyone out there????????

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Maybe since they only come

Maybe since they only come every other weekend, on the alternate weekends you could find a babysitter and have some one-on-one time with your husband and that might help. Really, they only see their dad 4 days a month. Thinking back to when I was young, I would have really hated only seeing my dad 4 days a month. I'm sure your DH doesn't mean to put you on the back burner but I know my DH is so happy to see his kids after not seeing them for two whole weeks, he pours the attention onto them, and I want him to! It would really be unfair for me to be resentful of his attention to them when I live with him 24/7 and they only get 2 days every other week.

I know you are busy with your other boys, but maybe trying to work in some alone time would help you feel better about the situation.

You are exactly right and I

You are exactly right and I know that, but sometimes it is just hard having to share. Thanks for the comment! I really just needed to vent and hear what you told me.

I've been doing it for 10

I've been doing it for 10 years too and it's hard enough with only one child of my own, let alone 3! LOL! (But boys really are the best aren't they?)

LOL...Boys are the Best!

LOL...Boys are the Best! Thanks and Good Luck to you as well!!!!

HMSM, I do not recall seeing

HMSM,

I do not recall seeing you on STalk before so let me open by saying, welcome and that I hope you find the community to be a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful advice from the experiences of others.

I am a custodial StepDad and have been for 16yrs. My wife and I met in college and have a similar though not quite as large an age difference as you and your DH have. I was 30 and finishing up my 11yr undergrad career and she was 18 and in her first semester out of high school. We met in November and married the following July a week before our Son (my SS) turned 2yo. I was 4yrs post divorce (no kids) and my Wife was ~6mos out of the latest and last break up with my SS's BioDad. They were never married.

Our Son (my SS) lives with us and has a long distance visitation schedule with BioDad and the SpermClan (if you stick around you will find our the depth of my disdain for my SS's toothless moron BioDad). Visitation is 5wks Summer, 1wk Winter and 1wk Spring so we do not have the EOWE invasion that you have. We are pretty much permanently invaded.

Our Son (my SS) is an only child in our home.

So, let me say this. The problem you are experiencing is IMHO is not a marital issue it is a family relationship issue. My Wife and I have gone through several phases since we met and married but we have always made our marriage the center of our family. The Skid is a beneficiary of our relationship but is not a part of it. In order to get past what you are feeling I believe the key is discussion with your DH and the mandate that things will remain constant whether it is the on week or the off week of EOWE visitation. Do the things with the skids that you would do without the skids. Take a date night regularly distributing those nights so that they occur on Skid weeks as well as non Skid weeks. Of course all the kids (Skids included) need the occasional 1:1 time with each parent. With 5 kids/Skids that is a challenge but it can be as simple as a 15min walk around the block with Dad, etc.....

Regardless of how you currently are feeling you are going to have to get past this disdain for the Skids before it does irreparable harm to your marriage.

My Wife and I commited to each other long ago that the Kid will not come between us, my family will not come between us, her family will not come between us, work will not come between us and for damned sure the SpermClan will not come between us. All of those things are a part of our lives together but the marriage is just about us. Not that periodically any and all of these things don't seem to conspire to harm our relationship.

The key for us is that when the stresses of all of the above start to show in our relationship we talk about it and realign to make it all about us ....... at least part of each day. This makes us better friends, lovers, partners, parents, children, sibling, Uncles and Aunts.

But ....... it really is all about the two of us.

To make things better call one of the GrandMa/GrandPa combos, book a suite at the nearest Love Shack hotel complete with a bottle of Dom, strawberries, a hot tub and whatever lingerie you feel will add to the mood and remind yourselves why it really should be all about the two of you.

Your relationship with your kids, the skids and everyone else will benefit from it.

Just my thoughts of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Thanks for the props though Starfish.

Best regards,