mean stepdaughter or overreacting step mother
I am brand new to this sight. I welcome any input and advice. im 29 my husband is 35. we have 4 children together and he has 3 from another marriage and one that he had in his teens. he is a hard worker and loving. my step daughters have lived with us since they were 4 and 5 now are 14 and 15. i do not call them my step daughters i refer to them as my daughters.the 2 boys live with their moms. so we have 6 kids here at home. anyhow my oldest daughter has been bumping heads with me for a few years now. shes always caught bad mouthing me to her friends and just being a mean person behind my back. i dont know what to do i have not been perfect. ive made mistakes and im a strict parent but nothing that i dont do to my own kids and my other daughter 14 doesnt do this. so long story short i am feeling really sorry for myself and ready to give up. childish i know but i do have feelings. all ive ever done is try to be a good parent to her. she tells her friends all she does is cook and clean. thats the furthest from the truth. im a stay at home mom. my job is to cook and clean. however i make my kids put away their own laundry and clean their own bathroom and load the dishwasher after dinner. idk. will it end? im so unhappy now i dont know if it will ever be the same again. i want to take my other kids and go. i dont even feel conected with my husband no more what do i do? anyone else have this going on?
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Has she always been this way
Has she always been this way to you or is this a new behavior? If it is a new behavior I might be tempted to think she is just being a nasty teen? However if this is sort of common-I would say it is a typical step issue. I could lay down my life for my ss13 and he would never even consider saying thanx-instead he would complain about how I didnt do it the right way. Or he would refuse to allow me to rescue him.
I raised my ss from 1-9-was his primary parent-he ended up hating me. Nothing I can do about it. Took me a long time to even get dh on board to see what was going on but he finally did-he cant change it either (although it is very helpful to know he understands and supports me).
I would talk to your dh and see where he is with all of this. You need his support-maybe he could talk with her? I would also give her a consequence for badmouthing you. And ask her if she wants you to perhaps get on facebook and share made up info about her-sometimes you have to get them to put themselves in your shoes.
What we ended up doing is allowing ss to move back in with his mom. This helped the tension in the house but didnt end up changing how he felt about me. So we are now at the point in which he will be visiting with dh away from the home. His negativity towards me obviously hurts me but has created problems with all the other children in the home as well (not to mention there are a whole host of other issues here). I dont think this is an ideal solution and I will say it took us YEARS to get to thi point-tried everyhting we knew to do and it just didnt work-so this is what we are going for.
Personally, I think a lot of
Personally, I think a lot of it might just be her... being a teenager. I remember bad mouthing my mom at that age, and I am sure the fact that you are "stepmom" even if you aren't referred to as such, is just another chance for her to dig at you, because she is a teenager. Kids are gonna be kids no matter what, we can't chalk up every instance of bad behavior to the fact that they are in a blended family. Something tells me that even if she were your BD, she would be acting the same way. The attitude of teenage girls sometimes blows my mind.
Thank you for all your
Thank you for all your responses. I sometimes feel very alone in my situation and taken advantage of. i look forward to sharing more soon as i get a chance! busy and leaving for the weekend.