I'm not his babysitter....
So BF wants to get involved with the local ice hockey team doing stats. Home games are sometimes two nights in a row, Friday and Saturday. When these fall on his visitation weeks he seems to think that the 2 kids and I (6 and 7) will merrily just go to the game and watch. We wouldn't get to watch with him as he'd be off doing something else. He doesn't seem to get the fact that 1. that takes away from his limited time with his kids (he gets them only every other weekend) and 2... I AM NOT HIS BABYSITTER!
Yeah, I'll watch them if he has to go into work or something like that but to me this is different. Maybe I'm just being selfish? I guess he's done this kind of thing in the past when he was married and thinks that because we're living together that it's the same situation? I don't know what he thinks? They are not my kids... sure, I like them... but they are not my kids. Even if we were married... they are not my kids.
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A friend of mine had a
A friend of mine had a similar circumstance and she put up with it. I always thought that is was wrong. If it's his weekend to have the kids he needs to step us and be responsible. I totally agree with you. You are not a built in babysitter when he thinks that he has better things to do than be with his own kid. Don't feel guilty for sticking up for yourself and you are also sticking up for his kids.
Glynne
I know it's really important
I know it's really important to him and I feel a little bad about it. Am I being selfish?
You are not being selfish.
You are not being selfish. They are not your children. Did he even ask you if you would watch them before he made these plans, or did he automatically assume that you would just be there to babysit?
Pretty sh*tty of him, in my opinion.
Tell him no. If you don't, it will leave the door open for him to continue to use you as his doormat. Otherwise, charge him $10 per kid per hour for your "services".
JMO, of course.
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
you are right dont do it,
you are right dont do it, dont do it, dont do it... they are not your kids. It will just lead to resentment on your part, why should you be home looking after them while he is out doing whatever he wants. NO WAY. He is going to have to make alternative arrangements for them simple as that, either that or he pays you like he would have to pay a baby sitter. You are not a free nanny
You are entitled to your
You are entitled to your feelings. They are his kids. I would be happy to take them to SOME of the games but not all. Games are lame. I'm sure the kids don't want to go to them all either. He's being selfish for only thinking of himself and not you and the kids!
Stop this now. Or it will
Stop this now. Or it will just get worse. He has a responsibility to spend HIS time with HIS kids. You can be a part of that just not the built in babysitter. Maybe you can prepare for the next visitation with some family plans. Sounds like he's pretty active so maybe bike rides together, or playing ball in the back yard, hikes etc.
Also, you are not the selfish one - he is. He is putting his activities before his kids.
Glynne
Make plans for that fri &
Make plans for that fri & sat night you have the skids and tell him he has to take care of them. Lets see if he thinks your selfish...lol Good luck!
I put my foot down and he's
I put my foot down and he's agreed not to do the hockey thing except here and there (instead of committing to all the games).
It's too bad that it has to
It's too bad that it has to come to us putting our foot down, drawing boundaries, etc.
But....GOOD FOR YOU!!! :)Glynne
Tell him he will need to
Tell him he will need to make arrangements to switch with BM on the occasions that these events fall on his visitation weekends. If he's not available to see the kids, there is no reason the kids need to come over.
Now I'm sure he would like the kids to maybe come see a game or visit him at 'work' so maybe one night you can volunteer to bring the kids but otherwise, you should have a 'free' night to do as you wish since he has chosen to do as he 'wishes'.
These differences in
These differences in expectations really need to be discussed and worked out prior to marriage, so I hope ou guys talk about this stuff and get it worked out. I assume your resentment comes not so much from watching the kids themselves since you like them, but the fact that he just assumes you will and should. Talk to him!
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"