I thought I was just paranoid!
What is it with skids and their unnatural (and highly irritating) attatchment to DH's? I thought that I was just being paranoid but after reading many posts on here, it seems that we can't all just be being paranoid, this must be a real problem! My SD is overly clingy to DH, in an unnatural, unusual and almost sickening manner. It's unhealthy and makes me uncomfortable. She watches his every move, wants to be on him (not near him, on him) at all times and cries when the other kids call him daddy and says "he's my daddy, not yours" Why are skids like that? My kids love their dad, but they aren't "in love" with their dad. She's even jealous of me and want's me gone because she wants all of her dad's attention.
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My SD11 was this way BEFORE
My SD11 was this way BEFORE the divorce(I've been told) so it's only natural that she remain this way AFTER her parents divorced...I can't explain the kids that were normal pre-divorce and became little clingy barnacles post divorce other than simple insecurity and the desire to have their "family" put back together.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
The thing is DH and BM never
The thing is DH and BM never had a family with SD, BM was a fling or one night stand, so SD has never seen them together because they never even actually dated, and has only more recently become overly clingy.
Children see the families of
Children see the families of others and want that for themselves. If she is friends with a child who has a close family...that could influence her. If she has a friend who gets 100% one on one time with their daddy...that could also influence her.
Don't take it personal...she'd have a problem with ANY woman trying to "steal" her daddy...I say it that way because that's what these children think, especially the girls.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
I try not to take it
I try not to take it personally, but it does get to me. Maybe I'm having just as much a problem as she is with the jealousy issue, if I'm going to be completely honest. It's like everyone in the family disappears, when SD comes for her visits. DH ignores me as well as the other kids and it causes a great divide between SD and me which isn't entirely fair considering it isn't all SD's fault but more DH's fault. DH will cuddle on the couch for the entire day with SD, ignoring our crying 7 month old or my requests for help with other things. She has different rules and god forbid she shed a tear when she doesn't get her way, or all hell breaks loose! And it's not just DH.. it's his entire family. My MIL and SIL only call to come and get SD or to visit when we have SD, they really couldn't care less for the other children. I just don't want the other 3 children feeling like they are less important than SD. (Especially our youngest who is also biologically DH's child). They even go as far as giving all the kids a gift on Christmas and later calling BM to get SD to give her the rest of her presents from them so that the other kids don't feel left out. I'm just fed up. I don't know, I guess I just feel the need to vent today.
It's not right at all but
It's not right at all but it's DH's way of dealing with his feelings of inadequacy and failure as a dad to sd. He is obviously insecure about his parenting ability and being a good dad when it comes to sd otherwise he wouldn't act this way.
Venting is good,healthy:) I hope you feel better
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
Thank you, that shines a new
Thank you, that shines a new light on the situation that I really haven't thought about before... AND venting does feel good!
My ss is the same way.... of
My ss is the same way.... of course he's only three.... but I have to say, its a tad bit annoying that I can NEVER catch bf for more than 3 seconds before ss is back on his ass (literally).... ss follows bf around, always wants bf to hold him, always needs to be sitting in bf's lap.... bf literally can't even go onto the porch for one minute before ss is smashing is face (snot, drool and all) all over the sliding glass door as he peers out at bf crying and jumping up and down because he is too far away :sick:
My SD is only 4 but that's
My SD is only 4 but that's how she acts too. I would understand if she was like 1 or I was like a stranger or something, but it's like come on, leave him alone for a second so I can see him too! It's very annoying! I wouldn't let my kids act like that and they're only 6, 2 and 7 months, I wish he wouldn't let his act like that!
My daughter does that
My daughter does that sometimes when talking about me.... she'll be talking to her brother (my son) but she'll refer to me as "my mom".... bs is always quick to correct her with "sissy! she's both of our mom!" Then she'll smile her crooked little smile and say "oh yeah! I mean our mom".... My daughter is 8 and I think she does this for the attention her brother gives her (by taking the time to correct her).... at 16 I'm thinking maybe your sd is just trying to piss off her brother or otherwise get a rise out of him?
My kids do that to eachother
My kids do that to eachother too, playing around though. One will say she's my mommy and the other will say no my mom first.. etc. But their teasing eachother and think it's funny where as my SD will burst into tears and say "he's my daddy" when the kids are actually talking to their dad.. not teasing i.e. Daddy can I have some milk? BD2.. Histerical SD "He's my daddy, not your daddy!"
My SS's are like that too.
My SS's are like that too. DH cant take a shit without them asking where he is and than going to stand by the door and wait for him to finish. It annoys me but I kinda do my own thing when they are around anymore. SS8 & SS4 will have to sit on his lap the entire time they watch TV and we have sectional that sits 7-8 ppl. So its not like their are not enough seats. If DH comes to help me for dinner, the boys are right behind him and my kitchen is small for 4 ppl, esp 2 kids standing right in the way. I think the boys will have problems when DH and I have a child b/c that child will be with DH 24/7 and I think they will have resentment. I hope DH doesnt stop caring for our child just b/c they are around. And knowing him, I know he wont.
Zippy-now 17 was like that
Zippy-now 17 was like that with DH-until he was about 15 years old-he was all over his father and hanging off him like a dirty shirt. DH was trying to be Mom and Dad (he makes a lousy Mom and an even more irritating Father as he is so enabling). I think it was hard because Zip is a boy and teen boys should not be leaning all over their fathers, draped all over him-during TV time. It made me VERY uncomfortable so I set some boundaries - I mean seriously it was terrible!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I am so tired of hearing
I am so tired of hearing “Where’s MY DAD?” and “MY DAD said …”
About a month ago SS7 came into the kitchen at bedtime and said, “MY DAD said I could have a snack.” I was like oh really. I asked him if he thought he deserved a snack considering he would not eat his dinner.
He just stood there and proceeded to say, “But MY DAD said I could have a snack.”
I said “I don’t care what YOUR DAD said. I don’t think you deserve a snack.”
Then SS7 ran into the family room and told DH what I had said. DH comes slinking into the kitchen and said, “But I told him a snack was okay.”
DH leaves the kitchen and SS7 comes back in. “MY DAD said I could have a snack.”
I set it in front of him. SS7 had a happy little smirk on his face.
I went off on him not yelling or anything but I told him to wipe that smirk off his face. It wasn’t funny and it wasn’t a victory for him. That from now on I don’t care what YOUR DAD SAYS, if I don’t agree with it I’m not going along with it just because DAD SAID because he’s not my dad.
SS7 was clearly shocked. But I haven’t heard “MY DAD SAID…” at all since that night.
I also went off on DH after the kids went to bed for letting SS7 have a snack after he had refused to eat DH’s home-cooked dinner. DH’s response – Sorry I forgot SS7 didn’t eat a good dinner.
Sometimes men can be so dense.
SS7 also will sit on DH’s lap while watching TV. I think it’s funny actually, since DH will tell him to get off. SS7 also will get out of the car on DH’s side even though he sits behind me on the passenger side. This type of behavior reminds me of a dog trying to mark his territory.
~BettyRay
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