Congrats on being a really really really good person to not say what you should have said to your SS "Yeah, duh you clueless idiot, he's 3 months old......you're more clueless than him and your 10"!

~all you need is Faith, Trust, and a little bit of Pixie Dust...and sometimes a machine gun~

I think it is perfectly okay that you tell SS10 that it hurts your feelings when he says such things about his little brother.

Why do you think he lets such remarks fly out of his mouth? Is his intent malicious? Is he jealous?

I think that you can solve the problem if you figure out why and let him know that it's hurtful. I have 5 clueless children (age 6 to 13) walking around, and sometimes they don't even know when they are saying mean things.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

stay calm! Try to remember that they dont understand what a baby is supposed to do.... ummm ok I dont know, just trying to be positive?

Sometimes I find that the direct approach is the best, even with a 10 year old.

The next time he says something like that, try this: say, "SS10, why are you so threatened by a little baby?" And then just look at him and wait for a response.

Maybe it won't help at all. But maybe it will make him embarrassed, and in the future he will disengage from the baby (which is better than dislike). Or maybe, he'll open up and be honest about what he's feeling. And then you can have a productive conversation. It's definitely worth a shot. And it has the benefit of allowing you to say something, without being mean, and putting you on the offensive and him on the defensive without being mean.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

He's probably trying to get a reaction from you. I see my SS8 do that regularly. He watches my reaction to things he says and does just to see how far he can go. He insulted your child to see if he'd be allowed to get away with it.

My recommendation is for YOU to go to his room, sit down rationally, and say "I would never call you names either in your presence or behind your back. This is your warning - you are to never insult your little brother again. That behavior will have serious consequences in this household."

It takes the arguing out of it, you get to make your point, he learns that he crossed the line, and now he knows there will be repercussions.

and jealousy over the facts that a) the baby has both of his parents together and b) the baby gets to spend more quality time with DH than he (SS) does. My SDs are 12 and 14 and they'll get into occasional spats, calling each other "clueless," "stupid," "dumb," etc. But they usually mend their fences and are BFFs again within 24 hours.

I applaud you for not exploding! Listening to teenage girls get into verbal disputes has me popping Advil so I don't explode like Mt. Vesuvius.

I know I've probably asked this before, and I apologize if I'm beating a dead horse, but would DH consider getting the kids counseling?

He says nasty things about them. He says nasty things about SD. What do you expect from a kids who's mother tells him she found him in a garbage can.

Here's my come backs:

"That's not very nice"
Look at DH "Where did he learn to talk like that?"
"That is a mean thing to say"

SS always making fun of DH. Says his shoes are ugly, he's stupid, shirt's ugly, etc. I blew up last Friday. I said, "What do you want him to do, wear skinny jeans and look like you!" My tone was very scoffing like SS's outfit was really stupid. I actually felt bad. I usually try to take the high road. But really, I think he learn's it at BM's house and thinks it's okay to do over here...and it's not.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"