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Big Decisions

KiFire's picture

FDH has been working for his company for 3 years now, he lost his job as an R&D Engineer when he got divorced and has been floundering around trying to keep the BMs happy and an open visitation since. When I met him he was working at MCD's full time and a grocery store part time for the flexible hours because of how ridiculous his visitation was.

It's been 'fixed', because they're two different BMs they're two different cases, and they have two different judges. So we have SD7 EOWE and SD5 50/50. Anyway, FDH's company has been talking about promoting him, they're only request is he cut his hair (lol). They were being really slow about it until FDH had a sit down with one of the guys outside of his center and they learned about his previous job history and his education level. He had left off the R&D job and his degrees after he couldn't find work for 3mos, constantly being 'over-qualified' sucked. It's been a week since that meeting and now they're saying he has decisions to make. They're all ready to accept him into the 6wk training (In Michigan! halfway across the country!) and then he'd be up for a SERIOUS pay-raise, but he would be around more. right now he works 16hour days 5 days a week.

This job would be 12hr days, vacation time, bonuses, and double his salary now. He's seriously considering turning it down, because it might mean relocation. I'm having a mini-heart attack about this. I know they're his girls and he loves them and he fights really hard to be in their lives... but, he only see's SD7 4 days a month anyway, and SD5 is 50/50 on paper, but really.. it's just every weekend.. and with his work right now, I'm with the girls half of his limited time. I know he doesn't see it, but he would see them more, even IF we have to move a few states away and he get's summer visitation and stuff like that, we would have the money to come up here every Christmas, and we would have the money to have the girls for weeks at a time wherever we end up. That IF about relocation, is a pretty big if.

The woman who works this position in the center he's at is leaving in the fall, there's an opening in the three closest centers too.. so four open or opening positions here would have to be filled before we would be sent somewhere else. I guess I'm just upset that he'd rather continue to live barely surviving than take the chance. Honestly if we have a better life, he could afford a lawyer to fight BM1, he's been steamrolled but he could never afford a lawyer. He keeps saying that it will be so nice once we can save up for one.. problem is, every time we save, something serious happens. Medical bills, or car bills, or house repairs.. normal crap knocks us down because our savings is almost always shot to hell. this just sucks, I don't want him to turn down this serious, life changing promotion for kids he doesn't really see as it is.

Comments

3familiesIn1's picture

Relocation or lack of being able to choose where to live is a bad side effect of divorce. In my stupidity, I thought by divorcing my XH I'd be a free woman. Not so much. I am very much tied to him because we have children - call me stupid, I mean, I knew that, but I didn't know that - if that makes sense.

Then I up and fall for and marry DH - who has BM and 2 kids - OMG - now we are doubly tied. House shopping was a friggin nightmare. Had to be close enough to BM because of the skids school, which put us in an area my XH had no chance of affording - this was just to stay within the same bloody city.

Its never ending - the ties to BMs when you are 50-50 like us (80-20 with my XH) run deep and to the core, hell, if I am not careful, I can run into BM and XH when I pop out to get milk - sigh

SUCKS.

Your worries are valid. Relocation for involved parents often means, no relocation - he can't have it both ways - job or kids ... Sorry, its going to be a tough decision it sounds like for him and you are stuck.

KiFire's picture

I know that it's a hard decision but right now, on paper he sees one 4days a month and the other 50/50... the reality once you factor in his job and getting enough sleep to stay awake through a board game and he only see's them for half a day.

I suppose it's because they aren't mine so I can look at how little time he actually spends with them and think that even in the unfortunate chance he ends up a few states away, it would still be better than the time he currently spends with them.