PAS!! Got proof now

So, my ss11 was telling my MIL how he is mad at this father because before he had to move away for work, he chose to not see the skids due to their soccer schedule. That he blamed the skids for playing a sport.
MIL was shocked, she asked, where did you get THAT from? SS11 says, mom told me!!!!!

MIL immediately set ss11 straight. She said, your father took you every other weekend. That is his visitation. You went to his house (we lived in different states from them) at least twice a month or for 4 days a month.

Mind you, how does an 11 yr old FORGET he was there??? How is it, someone is able to repaint a picture of history that you took part in, and you BELIEVE IT?!?!?!?! how is that? I grabbed our calendar, and verified it, yup.. w/the exception of Feb, we had them every other weekend.. and due to their soccer schedule being so jacked up in Feb, we took them for school vacation (which we wouldnt have otherwise) so that he got his visitation in, as it wasnt possible given THEIR schedule. He took time off of work, and spent every minute of those days w/the skids...

Would you share this info w/them? Its not like we can undo the brainwashing from 1700 miles away. It would crush him to know that his kids think that he chose to not see them, when in fact HE SAW THEM.. in fact, drove through SEVERAL snow storms to make his weekends happen. Spent over 8 hrs a weekend in another state watching said soccer games.. while I stayed home w/our newborn ALONE!

I am just so pissed off right now. That she is telling them a bold faced lie, and they are CHOSING to believe her, rather than what ACTUALLY happened.. I mean, its one thing if you tell someone something and they werent present for the reality.. but seriously!!!

I am sure the b*tch is lying blame w/my newborn.. why not? easy target right?? Give the child w/anger issues more ammunition and reasons to hate. Not sure what SD11 believes.. but she didnt repeat it. Thank god MIL said something to SS.. Just dont think she will be able to undo the brainwashing in the short period they have them. Mommy Dearest picks them up tomorrow...

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I think you, DH and in-laws

I think you, DH and in-laws need to do some collaborating on this stuff. They need to start documenting every interaction they have with BM (encourage them to go the email-and-text-message route so then they can print it off and file it) and ask their attorney if they can record calls between them and BM.

Also, I know someone else mentioned Dr. Richard Warshak, an expert on PAS. You and your in-laws should check out his site and read some of his work. He has things that are appropriate to show your skids, too:

http://www.warshak.com/alienation/index.html

Here's a link to share with your in-laws on stuff for the kids:

http://www.warshak.com/publications/video-audio.html
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It helped us with the SDs, and I hope it helps your skids too!

PS. It might be a good idea for DH to call the kids often, at least a few times a week, and document each and every phone call, and put an emphasis on the phone calls that were unsuccessful. He might want to consider getting the kids computer cameras and Skyping with them frequently, so he can let them know he loves & misses them.

These are great suggestions..

These are great suggestions.. and if my husband had a regular job, these would totally work. As of right now, I barely get to see him or hear from him. He is active duty military and is rarely home. He is out to sea often with no cell phone capabilities and no email on his boat (the patrol boat he is on does not have this ability when underway).

He has skyped w/them, I have skyped w/them.. my MIL and FIL have skyped w/them.

By the way, SHE knows how busy his job is, and that he doesnt have the luxury of being home every night.. instead of reassurring the skids and encouraging, she is just trying to drive that wedge even further in. This is not something new, but has been going on for many many years. Now that he doesnt have regular access to them, she is just ramping it up.

Thank you!!! I will read those links you sent!

I know there are other posts

I know there are other posts about this from steps who have spouses in the military. Maybe you could go talk to the local attorney on the base. I definitely think the in-laws should keep in touch with BM via email and text, because their contact with her would not only serve as documentation for them, but could also serve as documentation for DH.

Thank you. This particular

Thank you. This particular kid has been angry for awhile. Has clenched his fists at me for daring to have rules in our home.

SS11 actually told inlaws that he wants to live w/them!! He doesnt want to be w/either set of parents (not that we are in a position to take him, given what we have learned he does to small children in BMs care.. we are not subjecting our children to that... and we are talking physical abuse). My inlaws are great to the skids, and I think he thinks that what happens during a vacation w/them is what life would be like, and ummm.. Its obviously NOT. He just wants to live where life would be easy, people spend endless amounts of $$ on them, and he has no rules.

This poor kid is already damaged.

I don't know that there is

I don't know that there is anything you can do to undo the damage. Kids believe what they want to believe, it seems. BM could tell SD17 the sky was purple and her dad was a giraffe and she would believe it. DH has started to reveal some of the truth to SD now that he believes she is old enough to handle it. I don't think it would be wrong to show SS the facts. Not tell him BM was wrong, just show him your calendar and the time dad spent with him and leave it at that. Let him draw his own conclusions. I will never understand BMs who feel better about themselves by making their kids feel bad about their fathers.

I don't know that there is

I am just chalking it up to

I am just chalking it up to she is a crazy bitch w/nothing better to do than disparage their father.. who jumped through every obstable and hoop she put up over the past 10 yrs since their split. She is just walking craziness that needs to get medicated.

I am so freakin done. We live far away now, that she cant really get to me, she cant control me or our schedule and I am washing myself of her. Sounds selfish, I know.. but seriously.. life is too short for these games, and maybe when they are adults they will be easier to reason with.. if not.. oh well.

I have distanced myself from all the drama, and I want to keep it that way. I may not have a dh nightly anymore due to the job requirements at this location, but at least I dont have crazy up my @ss 24/7, and you cant really put a price tag on that.

This happened to ss as

This happened to ss as well-He totally recreated history and all the years he lived here with me as the main villian. He just comletely made up things I did or I dont know maybe they were put there by bm. Anyway, he is 12 now and can say-I know those things arent true, but I made up so many stories that I jsut believed them and cant help still feeling angry and hateful.

Sad thing is.. this kid is

Sad thing is.. this kid is 11. and we are talking about this year.. so, unfortunately he is not as enlightened as your ss.

Oh well. I quite frankly am over the drama. I have my own child to worry about and another on the way.. and I seem to be now a single parent as my dh is away from home for work so much, and my family and friends are over 1700 miles away. Just couldnt believe it when MIL told me. We both decided to not tell dh. He gets very upset about things like this (not that he shouldnt) but seriously, there is not a thing he can do from our location to correct it. Maybe if we were still living in MA.. but, then again, who knows if it would have come out then.

I am just done.

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