She is legally the wife because she is refusing to sign the papers. She walked out on him because he told her they needed her to go back to work and she didn't want to. Now she wants to remain his wife but not live with him. That is just ridiculous.

As for the co-parenting, here in NY, the court makes each parent go to a court mandated parenting class where they tell the parents they have to co-parent. I didn't say she wasn't co-parenting with me; I said she wasn't co-parenting. Period. The lawyers, law guardian, and counselor all agree she is the one not cooperating with him.

As for my kids, the reason their father is not aroound is because he married woman 4 years after we divorced who didn't want kids and made him move to FL. My kids felt he abandoned them and refuse any contact with him, now that they are teenagers.

Don't assume you know everything when you try to read between the lines and make me the bad guy. I would have immensely grateful had my kids stepmother accepted them and treated them as her own. Instead she took their dad away from them, thousands of miles away.

Oh God! Maybe now I don't feel so bad! LOL.

As to the divorce situation, I agree with you that it should have been settled at the same time but the lawyer said no, it would complicate matters in the custody. At the time, she had also told her attorney that she would sign any divorce papers he wanted becuase she wanted to be out of the marriage. Now that custody/CS was settled, she renegs. I don't see this being anyone's fault but bad attorney advice and the fault of the BM for being a liar (about wanting to sign papers.)

It seems like everyone here wants to paint me as the bad guy when all I am trying to do is make my home harmonious, rather the acrimonious. I know (as a step-kid) that not getting along and always feeling like the "red-headed stepchild" is not comfortable. That's the reason we don't use step in our house, not because I am trying to take over someone else's child. We treat all kids equally, regardless of parentage and that's how I feel it should be done (and fiance agrees with me.)

I think some misunderstanding is that people think I am the one running the show and telling her what to do. That is far from the case. Oftentimes, I have to calm him down because I think he is getting out of line over something. When I say she fails to take advice, it's on silly things. For example, the child has eczema (pretty bad) on her arms, legs, and buttocks. Well, my kids have ezcema and we always used Aveeno oatmeal lotion on them. When we've tried it on her, it calms the eczema down. We told the BM this and she adamantly refuses to use it because she thinks we are wrong. It doesn't matter that the doctor told her what to use or that the stuff she is using isn't working. All that matters is she does the exazct opposite of what we suggest. This has nothing to do with how slighted she may feel, but to her insistance that, as the BM, she knows better than anyone else.

Yeah, I never gave my ex a problem with anything either. In fact, before he moved to FL, if I had a special event on my weekend (say a wedding) and couldn't take the kids, I offered to have him watch them so he could get extra time. He always refused the extra time. That never made sense to me.

Actually, he didn't agree to a huge amount. When they ended up going to the hearing for CS, the magistrate sided with him in his points and she got slightly less than what she was asking for. She had also been asking for spousal support and the magistrate laughed at her, especially since they had broken up twice during the short marraige, the last time when they had been married less than six months when she left for good.

As for supporting him, I do no such thing. He works some overtime to account for the child support, which the magistrate told her she would not be entitled to any portion of since OT is not guaranteed income. The only thing I do is make sure all the bills get paid on time. I am in finance so I handle all monetary transactions.Basically, he deposits money and I write the checks. In no way do I support him; in facat, he had to support me for a while when I lost my job and my ex wasn't paying his CS on time.

I know all these things, since I have an ex-husband which I have two children with but thanks for pointing them out; some people don't know these things. As I said in a previous reply to someone else, he is taking care of business and money is not an issue. The magistrate told her that she does not qualify for more CS because she is choosing to stay home and even ordered that they split the "extra's" (co-pays for example) 60/40. Where she will get the 40%? Probably the CS he pays but the point is, she is not getting a free ride. She is actually getting slightly less than the "normal" percentage of his pay because he has a child with his first wife that he shares custody of (no CS paid there) and so has expenses for another child.

He does not exhibit a single one of the points you mentioned so I'm all good. From the first night we had overnights, we got the child to sleep in her own bed. We did take turns sitting with her for a bit, in the rocking chair while she laid in bed, when she went to bed or woke up in the middle of the night. However, now we can walk her into her room, read one more story (maybe, depending on other circumstances) and walk out of the room with a kiss and hug. As to being permissive or the kids being "hyperactive", we don't have any of these issues. At our house, she is basically a well-behaved child. Of course, like all kids, she does do things that we tell her should not but she is only learning boundaries at our house so we have to re-teach her every time she comes over. Example: At her mother's house, she has a cat which she likes to pick up, squeeze until it vomits, and swings it around by the tail. Her mother does nothing but say "Stop that now and sit down." The first time she came to our house and saw my cat, she tried to pick her up and squeeze her; the cat hissed, arched her back, and took off. We gave her a hort time out, sat her down and explained why she was not to that again and we haven't had a problem. Now, if the cat doesn't like being touched at any given time, she will hiss and the child walks away.

The major problem is the mother's refusal to take any advice. She complains the child acts out at her house and she does not know what to do. The problem as we see it, is the BM is too permissive and "begs" the child to behave or calls him to have him reprimand the child. After the first time, I told him to stop, as this makes him the bad guy and gives the BM a reason to keep calling him for things that should be under her control. The behaviors she complains about don't happen at our house because she (the child) knows we mean business and we don't cowtow to her. He tried to give her advice on how to handle misbehaviors but she doesn't listen. Due to this and other concerns he has, he told her that he was going to seek out counseling and insisted that she come. They (she?) need to learn co-parenting skills so that behaviors are considered unacceptable in both homes and are dealt with similarly. I had my ADHD son in counseling when he was younger and the therapist said this only works when both parents participate. The counselor my SO picked said the same thing and that I should be involved also, as I am going to be her (step)mother and we live together. She does not want to go to counseling at all and specifically said she forbids me to participate, despite the counselor saying we all must participate or he won't see us.

He does not prescribe to the "one big happy family" when it comes to his ex. We (him, my kids, his kids, and myself) are the big happy family. The BM has gotten pissed off because his family included me in the holiday celebrations over the past year and she was excluded. She still thinks she is part of the famliy despite his insistance to her that she is not (I have heard him say this to her, on the phone and in person.) She thinks because they have a child together that they are a forever family. So, this is my frustration.