Surely this cant be normal?
So I met my husband 4 years ago. His child is 10, the mother of his child was basically a fling the met 3 times in 4 months for one thing. She seen my husband who was 22 at the time with another woman and started screaming at him then text the next day to say she was pregnant. My step daughter looks nothing like my husband. He did the right thing by her moved in after a pregnancy health scare at 8 months pregnant and stayed for 3 years getting engaged after a year as he thought " this was it this was my life" he was miserable she took all his money and basically walked all over him. If he ever went out she told him their child was sick so he would come home. Over time he lost all his friends and he never left the house. It got so bad he rang his mum after hanging a rope from his bedroom light in their house and thankfully his parents got him out of there. She told him if he ever met anyone else he wouldn't be able to see his child. Anyways i came along and this woman would ring my partner morning noon and night as there where no boundaries. She would demand money for her baby who is not my partners saying that she herself is my partners responsibility. Once we got engaged she got my partner to sign the form changing his dauggrers surname back to hers and told my husband that he has his priorities all wrong as he refused to guarantor a car for her as she is the mother of his child she would always be first above me. There is no formal visitation rights in place as my husband spent years jumping through hoops so that he would have an easy life. Anyways we got married and we barely now sed his daughter as she was told by her mother that they where a family before i came along, how she could just walk into our home anytime she liked before me etc. My step daughter told me her dad was happier with her mum, i asked if she could remember and she said no ( obviously as he left on her 3rd birthday after wanting to kill himself). Shes told my daughter a romantic love story of their past and my husband has had to say to the mum that he only lived with her because of their child. Which thankfully stopped all contact as my step daughter has her own phone. Now my step daughter cancels on us everyweek and didnt show up to our wedding.
Sorry for the run on paragraph, but what is this womans problem and how do i deal with this?
My step daughter said her dad was happier with her mom too...
about five years into our marriage....when this SD was in her 30’s. The result of her little rant...haven’t seen her since in the past 7 years. It really does not get better as they get older. In my case the three sD’s were all adults when we met. Complete cutoff from all of them for me....too long of a story.
The woman is crazy. You do not deal with it. If the kid is not his then cut all ties now. Get a restraining order. Block her, etc. If he plans to stay in kids life tell him to deal with it all himself. Pickups and drop offs at the police station. Communication only through email. If kid is bad then he only sees her out of your house. It is not your crazy to deal with.
I'm confused, is the child
I'm confused, is the child his or not? If not, he needs to cut ties with both of them, as harsh as that sounds. The child being used as a pawn is just as bad or worse than not having her "father" around.
We aren't sure he assumed she
We aren't sure he assumed she was but is too scared to take a test at this point as it has been nearly 11 years and he does dote on the child
I could not be with a man
I could not be with a man that suspected the kid is not his but does not have the balls to demand a DNA test. If he wants to be in her life even though DNA isnt his discuss boundaries and not financial support. But otherwise I would be out.
I think after all he has been
I think after all he has been through his daughter is the only good thing to come from it all but i worry that he wouldnt be able to cope after all these years if he discovered she wasn't his. Me personally I think its a bit suspect how she went about telling him she was pregnant by text the morning after seeing him with another woman (He was not in a relationship with the childs mother)
Help for your SO
Your SO should see a counsellor, so he can work on not being so controlled by this woman.
"If your dad was happier with
"If your dad was happier with your mom he would not have tried to kill himself and would still be with your mom."
Kids need facts. They do not need to be left to the manipulative toxic crap of an evil parent.
This includes knowing the trugh about their geneology. DH needs the facts, and so does his daughter. If she is not his genetically, that does negate that she is his. What facts will provide for is to effectively counter BM's bullshit.
Your H needed to do a
Your H needed to do a paternity test as soon as he was accused of being the father. The fact that he didn't do so has left him with many unanswered questions. Why would he live 11 years with not knowing?? He has no visition and no say in this childs life so regardless if he's the father or not he needs to stop being scared and take control of his life.....instead of allowing this crazy woman to do it for him.....
It's not healthy for him or your marriage that your H is not taking steps to get things in order.