I will try to keep this as brief as possible but there's a lot to unpack here. I can't even make this stuff up. 

First off, an update on DH and my blowout fight. We didn't talk for a week (he tried to act like nothing happened, I was not having it). He came home from work early on Fri without me knowing and we ended up having it out. Things got super heated again- DH admitted his approach was not right and he shouldn't have threatened me with anger, but he escalated it because he was still super upset with me because I talked to SS16 about texting DH that he was going to "punch that fat coach in the face" (our friend), and I "hurt SS's feelings", and he didn't agree with the way our friend talked to SS but I didn't even try to get SS's side, blah blah blah. I'm honestly over it and we are not going to agree. I think SS is playing a victim when he isn't one. I flat out told DH that I will not be in a toxic relationship, and if he wants to fight dirty he can go back to Crazy because they are perfect for each other, but verbal abuse is not going to be tolerated. That actually woke him up and somehow calmed the conversation down and he sincerely apologized and said he never wants me to feel the way he made me feel, in his mind he's hoping I'm as mad as him, he doesn't imagine I'm sad and hurt and rethinking things. We talked about strategies to help in the future, and he's filling out the paperwork for marriage counseling. He pointed out that we only fight about skids, which we already know, and is so frustrating. More work to be done obviously, but it's a good start. 

Now, on to the shitshow that happened yesterday. SS16 started texting DH around 4pm saying Crazy was being super crazy and that she is kicking him out and he's not going back there. SS actually said she was crazy and nuts a few times, and said the more he talks to her he realizes she's just dumb. Which is true, but as much as I hate her, I didn't love hearing him say his mom was dumb. He sometimes has this superior attitude and he's only 16. Apparently SS doesn't listen to her, won't clean his room and is disrespectful, doesn't tell her where he's going or when he's coming home, and she has no idea how to parent so her solution is to make him give his cat away as punishment. He said at 2am when he was sleeping, she came into his room and threw the cat on SS and told him he had to get rid of it- SS text a pic of his leg all scratched up from the cat. I told DH to send her a message saying it's unacceptable to kick skids out of the house, and if she continues he will be filing for a custody change (a bluff to scare her really, she usually freaks out about that). She responded that SS was not listening to her and being disrespectful- she has been telling him for weeks to clean his room and he hasn't, she told him he needed to do it when he got home from work on Sat and he said he was going bowling and couldn't. She said the hell you are. He said the bowling alley would be closed by the time he got done (this kid really thinks he's on his own schedule and doesn't have to listen) so he couldn't do it then. He apologized and Of course she allowed him to go, but when he got home he was cranky and still wouldn't do it, which led to the cat-throwing incident. She resorts to emotional abuse and taking his best friend rather than just taking his PS5 or car keys until he cleans...

In her message to DH she closed it by saying "SS tells me he hates you and Truenorth and hates it at your house all the time". She said the kids tell her that "Dad married a drinking partner". Most of what she says is lies, so I don't really believe it, but DH was like, stop deflecting, handle this situation like a parent- you do not kick your kid out of the house. 

The whole time SS is texting DH nonstop. The screenshots of messages he sent from Crazy weren't bad, although in one  paragraph she was yelling at him for not cleaning his room while also demanding a Christmas list with at least 10 things on it, immediately. SS resonded that he didn't have time to clean and she said "Send me the christmas list!!". Cause, priorities. It pained him to say it but DH told SS that the messages didn't actually seem bad, and he needs to listen to her rules, and manage his time so that he gets his responsibilities done prior to doing other activities. SS claims that even if he listened to her this still would have happened- maybe so, but I doubt to this level, and either way the kid needs to listen. He kept repeatedly asking DH about changing custody, but said that SD doesn't want it to change so she's worried. DH said it doesn't have to change for both kids, and "we will discuss it". The whole time I'm hearing this, my stomach is in knots. 

Just when you think it can't get worse, it went downhill after this. Crazy told SS he was the reason she couldn't keep a bf, since she had just broken up with hers (she has also told SD this same thing), and SS needs to break up with his gf since it's not fair that he has a gf. He left and went to Crazy's twin sister's house to drop the cat off and text DH "After I drop the cat off I'm going to crash my car. I hate all of you and I'm sick of this". Sigh. DH called him and talked him down, but also raised his voice at SS and reiterated that he can't just do what he wants and he needs to listen to rules, while also acknowledging that he's not dealing with a sane person unfortunately and he needs to not escalate the situations. DH told SS he could come over after dropping the cat off to talk. SS said Crazy told him if he didn't come home right away she was calling the cops. Turns out Crazy's sister would not take the cat, and Crazy wouldn't let SS bring the cat back, so SS was sitting outside her house in his car with the cat, talking to DH with the cat screaming in the background, trying to figure out what to do with it. It's winter here and cold. DH sent Crazy a message saying it's illegal to put cats out on the street, and she needs to allow SS reasonable time to find a home for it- if she made him put it on the streets we would be calling the police and she would be fined. She told him to stop messaging her, and said "you hate animals- the kids tell me you throw your cats against the wall". *lol*  We laughed pretty hard at that, but she did tell SS to come inside with the cat and that he had to hang up with DH because DH is only allowed one phone call per day. LOL. I just cannot. You kicked him out, then threatened to call the police if he didn't come home, and now you're saying he can only talk to DH once per day! 

SS text DH that when he got in the house, Crazy was yelling at him saying she was afraid of him, and told SD13 to lock her bedroom door because she wasn't safe around SS and kept yelling up the stairs to SD about how SD wasn't safe. She also told SS that after skids come by us today she will give DH full custody of SS.  

I am sick about the whole thing. I said to DH last night "You are planning on discussing it with me prior to making a decision on custody, right?", He said yes and we talked about it a little- on the one hand, she is crazy and it's not a good environment to be in when things escalate like this. She is bipolar, has anxiety and depression and we don't believe is taking meds, according to SD. However, with skids, aside from being a crappy person, not knowing how to parent, and some sporadic crazy behavior, she is decent with them the majority of the time. I don't want them to be in a situation that isn't healthy. But also to consider is SS not listening, being disrespectful to her, escalating the situation and then thinking he can just come here and be free of that. We have stricter rules here, and lately he tries to not listen and get away with not doing what he's supposed to, and that isn't going to fly. I told DH that is a concern and he agrees. DH thinks this may blow over because it usually does, plus SS doesn't like our rules and will realize that, and Crazy will calm down. We think we will see how the week goes and take it from there. But I am terrified of custody changing with SS- SS is who we argue about the most. I live for skid-free weeks. I cannot imagine not having them. This is my absolute worst nightmare. SS is almost halfway through his Jr. year and he is definitely going to college so it wouldn't be forever, but still.  

While this was all happening we got to a point where we just looked at each other like, exasperated, like this is just too much, and DH joked "He's a 10 but he has kids", and said that will probably be my next Tik Tok (I don't really Tik Tok). I said "Marry a guy with kids they said, it will be great they said". I'm trying to laugh so I don't cry....