It's been a while since I've posted, but not because things have been peaceful around here- Quite the opposite. 

I was so wound tight and anxious about all things SK-related that I finally went to the Dr. and got meds. MEDS. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I have never needed anything before, and this is solely due to SK-related BS. What really did it, was the combo of SD saying I "pushed her" when she was 7, saying she was suicidal, Crazy full-on harassing us, SS16 acting up, and I also was feeling like I'm the only one doing any housework, aside from the measly chores that DH has stopped reminding them to do. So I would tell him, which would somehow turn into a disagreement. The housework was the last straw for some reason. DH and I got into a huge fight about it (my last post), where he actually brought up DIVORCE. WTF? We have been married just over a year and do not have any other issues. But he was all "I can't have someone on me about the kids all the time, and you will never be happy". Afterwards he apologized and said he didn't mean it and would never bring it up again, but it was just too much. 

So here we are. Me on anxiety meds. *dash1*

I will say that I think they are helping. I haven't felt the overwhelming anxiety and dread when skids come (it's still there, just duller). 

SD13 has been in this up and down pattern of being aloof one week, engaged with me the next. She actually came downstairs a few weeks ago and asked if she could talk to me about suicide, and told me that she has been thinking about it a lot, I asked all the questions about how she would do it (pills), and she told me that every time she tries to talk to Crazy about it, Crazy changes the subject or tells her that if she ever tries it she is sticking her in a mental instituation. Crazy also overheard her talking to a friend about it, and afterwards told SD that if she keeps talking like that she won't have any friends left, and "no wonder your friend didn't talk to you for a week recently". UNREAL. I had a great talk with SD about it, how sad we would all be, how this feeling is only temporary and so much good is yet to come, and how her dad and I have felt that way at times, but it gets better. I immediately hid all pills and gave her a phone # for a crisis hotline, and also crisis text #. She actually called the phone # and said she liked talking to the woman- I had to talk to the woman also to give my info. since I refered SD to the hotline...the woman said SD isn't in immediate danger, so she couldn't be put on a 72hr hold, and walked through the steps of what to do if that happened. SD was happy that whole week and talking to me like normal.

Next time skids were here, SS16 called me from his car outside our house and asked me to come out. He had found a knife in SD's room, and she told him she had cut herself with it. So he took it and was being all sneaky about giving it to me so she wouldn't overhear. DH talked to her about it and even yelled at her and she now has to show us her receipts from the dollar store when she goes, since that's where she bought this. She said that "wasn't fair". He's like, you want attention? You got my attention. But if you want to do things like this, you're going to see that we are taking it seriously, which means there are consequences for your actions (which is ironic since DH doesn't give consequences). She said she cut herself "a few times" (SD is NOT a cutter- she whines about the smallest tummy ache or anything), and she now has an app on her phone to track how long it's been since she "last cut herself" and that it had been 30 days. Not to minimize this, but DH, myself, and SS all know this is crap. She is doing it to have a "thing" and "issues" that she can talk to friends about. Having an app is just a way to dramatize it.  

Fast forward to this week, and she was aloof and not trying to talk to me at all. No thank you for the shorts I bought her and one-word answers when I ask her something. I talked to DH about it and he told me to just stop trying so hard. To not ignore her, but just don't try that hard. Fine by me! So I haven't been. SD seems to have decided she doesn't want the same relationship we had, so I guess that's how it will be. Petty me may even go take the shorts back when she leaves today, because I am not sure she will wear them and I'm not buying clothes for no reason. 

Also, one of SD's good friends has been TELLING her to kill herself and cut herself, so on Tuesday, DH told SD no more snapchat until she's 16, since it's all happening on snap. Guess what I see on Saturday while DH is sleeping? SD posting to her snapchat stories. I sent a screenshot to DH, and when I got home later that day, SD and DH are on the couch with SD in my spot watching a show, SD just giggling away, so I'm sure absolutely nothing came of her using snapchat after being told she can't (she could never have it at our house, so her using it here was ballsy anyway). I am done. I totally feel for her and have tried more than even her own mom to be there for her and help her, but she doesn't care and I'm not chasing a 13yr old, so I'm disengaging. The past few days I have been polite, but that's about it. I'm letting DH handle things with her. DONE. 

In other news, SS16 got a new job where he is making $16/hr during the week and $19/hr on wknds, he works 6 to 8hr shifts, and will be making really good money for a 16yr old. His days of trying to work 8hrs/wk at his old job are done, and he seems happy with it, as are DH and I. I'm actually proud of him!