I am 39 years old, never married, no children. I just moved into the home of my BF after a year of dating. He has two daughters, a two year old and a five year old that he gets to see every other weekend. We waited quite a long time before introducing me to the children so unfortunately they didn't get a lot of time to adjust to me before I became a permanent fixture to Daddy at Daddy's house. BM has already moved on to the next sucker so the girls are used to the "idea" but the SD5 having always been a Daddy's girl is having a harder time adjusting to their/our situation.

All in all his children are fairly well behaved. The two year old is absolutely adorable. She says thank you for everything that you do for her or give her. She is pretty good about using please too although I find that I have to remind her more often to ask nicely than to say thank you. She just turned two so she's a little fussy but nothing that can't be handled with a little redirection. And the five year old is fairly good some of the time but she is mostly a brat. Not a horrible brat...just a brat. Sometimes I think we have a five year old Paris Hilton on our hands. And I think the two year old is starting to pick up on some of it.

For the most part the BF is a great father. He has conversations with the girls about behavior, practices a healthy time out, and spends a lot of time with them. Reading, art projects, cooking together, watching t.v. or movies together. He takes them to the park and plays outside. He's great! He's a very active and hands on dad. He calls them almost every night to say good night.

The BM on the other hand I truly have no idea about. I have what my BF says, whatever the SD5 says, which is like talking to a five year old ;), and my own judge mental imagination. From what I can gather she is pretty vain, insecure, not very smart, and she basically uses her children like accessories. According to my BF she has no parenting skills and if the SD5 is any reflection of that (as well as a reflection of the BM) then I believe it.

Although I have no children myself I have always been told that I would make an excellent mother. I am kind, patient, a teacher. I believe in talking to and treating children with respect in order to teach them how to talk to and treat other people. I don't believe in hitting, I don't think you need to raise your voice, and most of all I believe in being involved. For the most part I think the BF and I believe in the same thing.

It's been hard for me. They are a handful. I wonder how much attention they get from mom. BM's BF has a young boy SD5s age. How is that child raised? Do they just push the kids off on each others children and live there own little life? We know that the girls spend a lot of time with Auntie and Grandma. And now Grandma is SD5s Kindergarten teacher...uhg (I'll have to explain why later.) So there is a constant need for attention. Constant. This weekend the only time someone (SD5) wasn't demanding attention was when Dora was on or whatever the TV show for the moment was. We limit TV time but sometimes...thank you TV! Thank you! Other wise they maybe spent a total of 30 minutes playing by themselves! "Daddy! Watch me!" "Trish! Look at this!" "Daddy? Um...Um... Daddy? Daddy? Um..."

It's draining. It is very draining for the BF. It's weird for me to see him lose his patience on occasion. Which I don't think he would if the SD5 weren't so attention demanding. I tried to bring this up after dropping them off but I don't think I approached him right because my thought/suggestion was met with a short quip that he would think about it.

This poor five year old is a little obsessed with her looks and being the most prettiest/best. It's not really bad yet but I feel that it is going to get worse. "My mommy wants me to be the prettiest so my clothes have to be just right." "My art work is the most prettiest." Doing something very simple...like jumping...and Daddy saying,"You're the best jumper ever!" So I was suggesting to not over-exaggerate her accomplishments so much. Not telling her that she's the best at everything she does. I barely got any of this out before I got a short terse quip that he'd think about it.

The thing is my timing was off. I should have waited till he had unwound a bit from the weekend to bring it up. Now I'm scared to bring it up again. I even turned to this book that I had bought for my previous boyfriend, Kids are Worth It!, to see if my thought process had any validity and sighed with relief when I read Chapter 3: Threats, Punishments, Bribes, and Reward. There is a section titled "Praise Junkies" that sums up some of what I was thinking and pointed out even more.

So now I'm trying to find the right opportunity to talk about it again without him getting upset. We usually are so smooth sailing but this weekend was an emotional disaster for all and I would like to not repeat it again.

Any suggestions? I want to talk to him about implementing a little more routine while they are here and talk to him about how to elicit healthier behavior now instead of later. Even if mom doesn't do it isn't it important for us to implement what we expect from them while they are with us? It's reasonable isn't it? Am I trying to be too controlling? To me it's reason and logic.

There was a reason to my not dating men with children...I just like this one soooo soooo much...