oh my god, so true "Amazing how he grows balls when he talks to me but they shrink up and fall off when the fucking princess comes". my DH is the same, my SD12 lives with us and she is a piece of work, lies, manipulation, little shitty hate games with me CONSTANTLY. talking to DH does not work, he always take her side, he confronts me with the "she is a girl", "Se is not perfect" really? not perfect?????
the girl breaks stuff and has no concecuences, lies..no concecuences, doesthings directly against what he told her and she gets the "next time please tell me before"..i had to laugh!..tell me before? im not sure what he meant...tell me before you do exactly what i told you not to do? he makes no sense!!!
he is afraid of her getting mad, he dos not want ot deal wit hher tones and faces so he avoids edcuating his daughter for fear...my god. no fear when he shouts in my face that he picks her over me every day of the week. he is an ass

The part of this that is most disconcerting to me about your situation(which sucks...and I'm sorry) is not WHAT he said to you (from your 4th Paragraph)...the you lose stuff...but even more HOW he said it. I'm not sure if I'm hearing it right since text is text, but the way you describe your discussion sounds as if he has already made up his mind, and you have already lost. I understand a man being defensive, protective, even stupidly so about his child....but it's how he speaks to you and treats you that should matter. If he was that aggressive, unsympathetic, and quite cruel to you about even the subject of disengaging, I think you are in trouble. If he doesn't care how you feel, or if he'll have any time with you...then maybe he doesn't deserve ANY time with you.

I hope he chills and wakes up and starts appreciating not only who you are and what you do...but the difficult and uncomfortable feeings that you are experiencing. It's not a bio-parent's fault that we feel weird, left out, odd and stuff about all the skid stuff, but they should still be empathetic, kind, considerate, and attempt to help us and the relationship improve. ANY time a person does that "my way or the highway" shit to me...I have always chosen the highway, because without positive communication and a bit of give and take...I know it's all going nowhere but downhill.

I think you need to have a calm non-threatening discussionn and be honest with your feelings. If he doesn't give a crap...then he's made his choice clear....and hate to tell him, but it's NOT YOUR CHILD..so you don't have an obligation to do SHIT for either of them. Maybe a few weeks without you would make him realize what you do....who knows.

Hope it gets better

before i met my DH (my first/current marriage mind you) I dated a little - 3 long term relationships 2+ years each... one of them... i dated 2 years to almost the month... he had a daughter my daughter's age and they didn't click at all. they were nice to each other, had a few similar hobbies, but his daughter was condicending and rude and mine was quiet and kind to anyone crossing paths with her. he was a nice enough guy... but when he did have his daughter on every other weekend they would have tickle fights and he would baby her to no end... he would lick her nose and do the oddest things... brace yourself... she was 14.
you dont know how many times i thought about breaking it off just based on the weirdness. if she was rude to me or my daughter he never defended us or disciplined her... she could do no wrong in his eyes. he finally annoyed me to no end being a cheap person (i ended up always paying for dinners, etc) so i just cut it off. best thing i ever did but one thing i still think of is i could have NEVER been a good SM to that girl. She was cruel to my own daughter and a strange egg. If you cant love the other person's child for who they are inside and out then being with the guy certainly wont work.

you have to love you first... then him... the kid's should be unconditional in a natural way. I love my DH's kids... pity them for what they have to go through with his ex but love them just the same. I wouldnt have that feeling if i had settled for cheapskate. LOL

Wow!! Feel your pain..My SD20 is the same way...just makes me sick..I am on my way out 2!! GOOD LUCK

she makes me sick. she acts like a 5 year old. play piggies on my toes? :sick: and how the hell does dh get that you are trying to pit him and his brat against each other just because you don't want to play "mommy with no authority" with her every time she's there? he's a piece of crap. i hope you find a place real soon and let him see what life with her by himself will be about. }:)

This SOUNDS very verbally abusive of you, and if so I agree with Purple Hope. At least the issues are clear as a result. If there is any reason why you are going to stay and be with her on the evening of his wake, could you lighten up the experience for yourself by having a friend round for a meal, or maybe take the child out for/play a movie so she is glued to the screen? It's really unfortunate for her to be foisted on you at a time when you have been so abused by him, it will make the experience even more difficult for you, so any distraction of her could help.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by looking for another place. It's better to get out now before things get any worse. And from the sounds of it, there is a good chance they will get worse. I battled similar for years, and it has taken a serious toll on our relationship. I wish I had just left it at the "dating" level and never moved in. Would have saved myself a whole lot of grief. It is extremely difficult for these Disney Dad's to change their ways. Even if you decide to stay and completely disengage, you will still be turned off by the behavior you'll have to witness on both sides, especially when it continues as she's older.