My heart is breaking...
This isn't a blog to vent about the crazy things a BM is doing or how much my DH is driving me crazy, it is about needing some advice for a hurting 3 y/o little girl. My SD is hurting very badly right now. The schedule that my hubby and BM have worked out is we have SD 4 nights a week and she has her 3 nights a week. For some reason BM has been calling us in the middle of the week to see if we can pick up SD a day earlier meaning SD only has 2 nights a week with her mom. BM works during the day so SD is only getting to see her mom a few hours a night. I know I can't change BM and there is nothing we can say to her to figure out what is going on, but where we are confused is what to say to SD. Keep in mind she is only 3 and the other night she said to us as we were tucking her into bed was "I don't get to see my mom very much." It broke my heart. We had no idea what to say to her?? When we go to pick up SD she literally loses control of herself. She starts screaming and jumping up and down and she will hit her mom because she wants to stay with her. And I don't blame her. If I only got to see my BM 5 hours a week when I was little I would be sad too. So, what I'm really looking for by posting this blog is what to say to this little girl. We don't want to say anything bad about her mom to her, but we don't want her to think we are "taking" her away from her mom. She loves being at our house and is very happy, but there are moments when you just look at her and can tell she just misses her mommy, and it's killing me 
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We have the same visitation
We have the same visitation schedule and it began when my SS was 2 and a half years old... he is 5 now... and his brother was 5 then, 8 now. Even tho we have 50/50 joint physical and legal custody, BM always has some 'work thing' (mostly lies) that comes up and she asks us to keep the boys. I think boys are different from girls in the respect that there isn't much emotion for not seeing their mom. But, I guess as a bio parent of a girl (8) and boy(9) I can just say REASSURANCE is about the only thing that worked for me. Ive used it personally because when my daughter was 3 her father died. I would just put on your best happy face when you pick her up and be soooo excited that you are going to have a great time together and that 'she will see her mommy when you bring her back'. I would also enlist BM's help if possible to echo those feelings... maybe she can say something like 'I know you will have fun and I will see you when you come back.' Dont know if this helped but remember whatever you can do to REASSURE her is key.
In time
That must be terrible to watch a little girl's heart break & not be able to do anything about it. I don't know what you can say to her, but just bear with it for now. She will become accustomed to the situation in time. Just keep remaining supportive of her, because when BM isn't there she'll at least have you to fall back on.