I know there are a few people here in various stages of custody order changes. My SS12 wants to come and live with us, we’ve been talking about it over the summer and have seen a lawyer once already. We would have a pretty good case, there are documented police visits and psych evaluations as a result of arguments BM has with SS15 that get WAY out of hand. SS12 sat down the other day to gather his thoughts and write down some of the reasons he wants to move… there are rules at Dad’s house and I know what they are… Dad is way better about helping me with homework… Dad has better anger management and doesn’t just yell all the time. I’m thinking (hoping) that when the state evaluator has a conversation with SS12 these kinds of answers from him will weigh heavily in our favor.

My question is this – did you have a conversation with BM before starting court proceedings? We’re debating how we should approach this – we’re pretty sure she will fight it tooth and nail, she’s all about the control. We're worried that if we give her any kind of heads up that this is going to happen she’ll have time to prepare an even bigger fight, but if we blindside her with court papers she might be even more angry and make things worse. I’m thinking maybe we have the conversation with her (this will be with SS12, his dad and BM, probably best if I stay out of that one), and see what she says without mentioning any possibility of a court case. Assuming she refuses to even discuss it then we proceed with the attorney, get our case put together and she gets served with the papers without the extra time for her to prepare.

Any ideas / thoughts?