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Has anyone had a court ordered evaluation?

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Fri, 10/25/2019 - 11:52pm

So we are almost to the end of our move away case where we are requesting to have sd9 during the week. Bm is a druggie/alcoholic/bipolar/certified crazy person. We had our $6k evaluations this week that dh is court ordered to pay for because bm is poor.

I’ve never met bm before because I am disgusted by the way she talks to my husband over text. Everything in her texts are vile, disrespectful and emotionally charged. I do not feel I should be subjected to trashy bm so I refuse to meet her. 

The evaluator then tells me that because I married my husband, I married bm and sd9. She wants to court order me to “hug bm and chit chat” once per week in front of sd9 so she can see that all of her parents care about each other and we are one happy family. I told this to dh and he said he didn’t know sister wives were legal lol. Am I in the twilight zone?! I’m not married to bm or sd. Wtf?!

In bm and dh joint evaluation, bm was screaming at dh, wailing, crying and being generally cray cray. I told the evaluator that I refuse to be bm’s emotional punching bag and the evaluator told me I had to “take it” and agree with whatever the bm said about me because it will help bm emotionally. The evaluator also said it’s my responsibility to ensure bm becomes emotionally stable. Ummm noooooo!!!

I have difficulty understanding emotions so I just gave the evaluator a “you’re crazy” look and told her “that is an interesting concept to consider.” The evaluator seemed flustered at this point. Was the evaluator just trying to say strange things to get a reaction out of me? This seems like a sick joke. Has anyone dealt with these insane evaluators? 

Comments

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 1:20am

I'd ask for a different evaluator. Is this one new? I can't imagine a court that would order you to actually make physical contact with BM - that is just bizarre. At the very least I'd talk to her supervisor - everything you said seems completely out of line and not the type of things that are usually included in court orders.

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 10:18am

the evaluator says she’s done thousands of cases. She seems to be able to tell bm is crazy. We live in a ultra liberal state so I don’t know if this is the norm for “new age propaganda” or something. 

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 2:57am

So you need to help bio mum heal despite not being the reason she became a psycho, nutjob valuator states that you need to take bio mums shit and all her craziness and abuse- umm no, if she is so high conflict and abusive you have every right to get a restraining order. Now you are gonna be forced to hug the bio mum once a week

if a valuator told me or hubby i had to hug bio mum for the sake of the kids, i would laugh in their face and say bio mum is off the charts batshit crazy and never will i meet her.

no court would be stupid enough to force you to hug your hubbys ex wife, its a direct contravention of your civil liberty and freedom, no one can force you to hug her - thats absurd

so basically your happiness and life means nothing, it must all revolve around bio mum and the skids- yeah no way!!

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 10:38am

I was thinking that must be an infringement on my civil liberties, just not sure which one....I shouldn’t be forced to hug or talk to anyone I don’t want to right? I forgot to mention that the evaluator wants to court order bm and I to have ongoing therapy to build our relationship. Sorry, not doing any of this! It’s crazy. 

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 2:19am

the bio mum and dad, no new partners can be court ordered or forced by the law to participate or engage in anything. By all accounts you are an outsider and unrelated, the law states this.

at the most a judge may say its in the best interests for the kids to see the parents working together but that ended a long time ago when bio mum went fruitloop psycho and you have every right to not want anything to do with her.

her actions have been to control your househole

heck my husbands exwife and her current husband go to witch drs for spiritual healing and to do black magic, exwifes family went to see witch drs and break into a home hubby bought for his daughters and their mum to live in for privacy (specifically for the daughters) because their mum is an ahole who refused to spend any money or contribute to their welfare. The put knives, candles and dead black cats then exwife claimed my husband did this to hurt them despite cctv from a neighbor showing eldest sd your mums sister and husband broke into your home to do this. Bio mums family hate her so much they went to see witch drs.

so if any fruitloop court ordered evaluer told my hubby your wife needs to hug your ex for the sake of your kids, my hubby would be “NO!!, how about ex-wife stop being a psycho and stop blaming others for her crap”

sd’s are under her influence and ss has been manipulated by her too so they will not be welcome in any home i buy with hubby because i do not need exwife spies invading my privacy

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 8:08am

The evaluator then tells me that because I married my husband, I married bm and sd9

I'm afraid I would have to whip out my marriage certificate and point out the obvious.

How are YOU responsible for BM, in any way, much less her mental state?

I'd tell the evaluator that maybe SHE can hug it out with BM, 'cuz I am not the one.

What a bunch of bull.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 8:13am

This evaluator doesn't seem to understand that wives are not cumulative and that a divorce separates a former couple completely. Idiot.

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 8:22am

This is perfect and I think OP should state this exactly to the evaluator. Scratch that, OP's husband should, because OP shouldn't even have to attend court/evaluations/meditations.

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 10:26am

I think this will be the last time I have to see this evaluator before her report. Dh and bm have to attend phsycotherapy together to confirm bm is crazy but I’m hoping I do not have to go as well. Should our attorneys step in at that point and refuse to allow me to be subjected to this? I am mostly disengaged for this exact reason. Everything to do with bm is crazy. 

Felicity0224's picture

Submitted by Felicity0224 on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 10:55am

That is beyond crazy. I really would insist on speaking with whomever supervised the evaluator. Forcing you to interact with BM cannot be within the scope of their normal operation. I just can’t begin to imagine how anyone would believe that would be productive in a high conflict situation. 

Our experience with a court ordered home study left me pretty bitter. The evaluator wrote a report that basically exposed all of BM’s insanity, and recommended full custody for my DH. Then when we went to trial and she was on the stand with BM looking at her, she totally tried to gloss over everything she’d written and was extremely vague and non-commital about her recommendation. DH’s attorney said she was one of the worst witnesses she had ever seen. It was very frustrating because the judge obviously hadn’t read the full report ahead of time, so what should have been a 15 minute testimony ended up taking 2 hours ($$$) while DH’s attorney had to drag the truth out of her bit by bit. DH ended up “winning” anyway, but the whole thing was ridiculous and left me with a very low opinion of GALs and social workers in general. 

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 11:17am

yes that’s what I’m afraid of, that the evaluator will gloss over the insanity of bm. We have a home visit scheduled via face time which should work in our favor since bm rents a room in a run down house and the child sleeps on the floor in a dirty corner. We have an upscale home where the child has her own room and private on-suite as well as a loft that is hers. 

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 11:23am

also the evaluator is the business owner in this case and we had a very short list of evaluators to choose from. This whole process seems like the biggest racket to exploit thousands of dollars from the higher earning parent and redistribute the wealth for the benefit of the lower earning parent. 

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 11:30am

OP I would print OFF that page I sent you in the link...give it to your lawyer. LAWYER can call Dr. Craig Childress/email him for futher facts to send your money grubbing fake evaluator into the next universe. I would also report Miss Liberal ----telling you to HUG BM when you dont want to. Get the hell out...

Gotta fight fire with fire---not jaws on the floor. Get that copy of Dr Childress to your dh's lawyer asap. You my dear wasted 6K on junk.

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 11:38am

wow. I just read the report you sent. It’s absolutly correct! I’ll send that over to the attorney. I told my husband I will have to get our attorneys involved if this evaluator tries to implement any of this before the report is done. I should not be subject to this abuse and it caused me to have an anxiety attack yesterday just thinking about it. Thank you again. 

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 4:10pm

thank you! I’m going to look into Dr. Childress teachings now! What he is saying is common sense. Liberal propaganda as I suspected all along! I now wonder if the evaluator is purposly tiring to get me to not cooperate with her coop so she can have a reason to give the child to the bm to fit in with her idealology. 

Lollybobs's picture

Submitted by Lollybobs on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 4:20pm

'The evaluator then tells me that because I married my husband, I married bm and sd9.'

WTF? Precisely where does it say that on your marriage certificate? I would have walked out on that meeting at that point.

If BM does something that enables you to get a restraining order against her, go for it. You certainly can't be court-ordered to hug and chat with her then!

advice.only2's picture

Submitted by advice.only2 on Sat, 10/26/2019 - 5:57pm

Crazy as it seems I can believe this.  When Meth Mouth was going off the rails the courts, her lawyer, people we knew kept telling DH like there was something he could do about it.  Worse they acted like it was his responsibility to do something about it.

 

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 1:29am

If I ever get personally named and dragged into my husband and his ex’s legal matters again I am going to seriously consider getting my own lawyer to represent my case. OP I would suggest you consider the same. 

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 3:46pm

my dad suggested the same thing. I sent an emailed list to my attorney outlining the items I’ve told all of you and informing the attorney I will have no further involvement in this evaluation other than the home visit. Ive had several anxiety attack’s because of this and cannot deal with this bm low class trashy drama. Hubby also said that he will step in if the time comes and tell this evaluator he will not subject me to any more of these shenanigans. 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 3:48am

end the session by breaking out the rosary, saying a few Hail BMs, propping up a skid shrine then removing her false mustache to reveal her TRUE identity...BM's BM?

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 3:47pm

thats what I was thinking lol except bm mom lives in a 5th wheel in a trailer park lol total trash these horrid people are haha

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 12:15pm

I’d not meet with evaluators at all. Why? She isn’t your ex and kid isn’t yours. If I am being court ordered to meet with evaluators, then I’d only do it with my lawyer present. I’d not willingly participate in such nonsense 

 

 

Lizzylemon's picture

Submitted by Lizzylemon on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 3:49pm

Agreed, but I was trying to be nice to my husband and play their liberal game of “its all about the kids” to get the outcome we need. I’m so done though! This is not worth my sanity! 

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Sun, 10/27/2019 - 8:07pm

Not sure what’s liberal about it. I am liberal but no way no how I’d be part of such circus and I can’t imagine anyone asking me to. I am not that nice. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 10/29/2019 - 2:16pm

Im a few days late to THIS game, but oh boy!

I checked to see what state you are in - and we are in the same state (hope you are ok with all the fires and outages!)

And there is not a shnowballs chance in he!! that I would have ANYTHING to do with Toxic Troll, trash monger. Nor her spawn Feral Forger. Just no, not going to happen. DH would never ask me to do anything of the sort either. Hooey. Our courts never asked this of us, they just wanted to get DH out of there, quickly and gave a quick look at paperork, heres your Child Support amount and she gets to claim head of household, and BAM, next!

In this state, yes they do favor the BM, and the tendency is to treat the father as either a deadbeat or "just the sperm donor/ATM/PAYCHECK", but the step monster has no bearing on anything (good for us because I dont have to figure in my income either!)