Quick background. DH has been divorced for 7 years, SS30, SS 28, and SD17. Ugly divorce, kids all took BM’s side. Due to PAS, daughter wanted very little to do with DH for several years. About a year ago BM got evicted and she and SD17 were not getting along. SD17 had one more year of school and really wanted to move in with her boyfriend. Instead, we took her in. The CO was modified so DH no longer paid child support and BM did not start paying it either.

At first it was great, we got along fine and she seemed to be realizing that maybe her Mom wasn’t perfect and her Dad wasn’t horrible. It lasted 3 months. When she turned 18, the three of us were going to sit down and talk some things out. Instead, she called and said she was moving in with her boyfriend and she was bringing a cop with her to get her things. DH was on call so had the large work truck in the drive. I was afraid either SD or her boyfriend would smart mouth him and start something – so I had him leave.

She showed up at the door with a police officer and said she brought him because she “was afraid things would get out of hand like they had in the past.” Things had never gotten out of hand beyond some raised voices. I honestly have no idea why she brought the cop. I had a neighbor come over and stay with me because it was a very tense situation. She moved out with no problems.

She dropped out of school the first semester – but did get in a special program last January and is graduating this week. While she was in school we gave her $100 a week. In our state support lasts until age 19. Our lawyer said it was a bit of a gray area, if she put in for state services there was a possibility the state could come after us for the money since she was under 19. She never thanked us for the money. I haven’t heard from her in almost a year. DH has talked with her briefly maybe 5 times.

She sent a text on Sunday asking us to attend her graduation and her graduation party on Tuesday. I told DH I was not going. The last time I saw her she was standing at my door with a cop and I have never received an explanation or an apology. DH wants me to go with him, but gets why I won’t. He doesn’t want to go either, but is going to out of a sense of obligation. He comes from a huge family and only his brother lives in this area. SD invited DH’s brother even though she sees him about once a year, if that. DH doesn’t want his brother bad mouthing DH to the rest of the family. I get that as well. So we are good with me not going and him going.

What do we do about a gift? I love buying gifts for people, but have no desire (or time) to do it in this case. Money would be the easiest thing to do, although I don’t think she deserves anything from us. DH is really torn. He wants to do it partially because of how it will look to family and partially because he does give her credit for living on her own and making it through school.

I know the invitation was a blatant request for money - DH doesn't want to admit it, but I think he realizes it as well. We are both struggling with how to handle it – so I thought I would ask you all!