I was just wondering the same thing in reference to my bio-daughter. She has strong preferences about where she'd like to be, but I don't know that she'll be willing to express that to her dad. This year is taken care of, but I don't know about going forward...

When my kids were driving age, they still followed the parenting plan. They were never allowed to choose. The parenting time belongs to the parent, not the child.

18.

No good can come from not following the CO in my opinion.

Any other time I would say 18, but since both your DH and BM have been letting her do what she wants thus far I don't understand how it matters now. You can't let her do what she wants one week and then tell her she can't decide for herself the next. It doesn't work like that and honestly your DH is going to get the backlash if he makes her go. Sure it's hurtful she'd rather be with y'all but BM isn't really investing her time by letting her skip so many weekends anyway. I have a feeling since your SD drives she'll end up doing whatever she wants regardless if your DH sticks his neck out for BM (would she even do the same if it were reversed) so he should just tell SD that her mom has more to say on the subject and they need to work it out.

I'm from Canada and any time after the age of 16 the child can decide where they want to live..or visit. CO regarding visitation is practically void as they can legally leave at any time and there isn't a thing you can do.

I'd say this is between SD and BM. SD is 17, if she doesn't want to drive to BM's until the day after, I don't know how BM can make her.

If it's really what SD wants to do, what are you going to do? Refuse to let her be a part of the festivities at your family's? I doubt it.

It's a tough one. After all, it's Christmas. I think she should go to BMs. It sounds like it will be the last time. But she is 17, she should talk to her mom directly about it. But I would encourage her to go, even though it does not sound as fun. Bad parenting has a price. My ex loses his kids attention more and more as the years go by. My daughter is 22 and wants nothing to do with him. My 16 year old son is losing interest as well. I stay out of it. Ex digs his own grave.

At 17 I would let her pick. She's damn near an adult, she can decide where she wants to be.

Whoa I feel like I'm the only one who read the entire post.

This is a tough situation. First, it is absolutely RIDICULOUS that anyone on here is acting like your entire family should rearrange their traditions to accommodate the CO. It sounds like these traditions have been in place for quite some time, so I don't know why you are being blamed or being called names here.

As far as SD goes. I think you and DH should tell her you understand her wanting to be with you guys on Christmas, but to consider her BM as well. BM has put herself in a tough position by allowing SD to visit whenever, so it is pretty unfair of her to change her mind about that now. I'd try to help SD come up with a compromise with her mom for the holidays and go from there. It will be hard for SD to know the "right" thing to do, but after this year, it will truly always be her decision.

I think that Dad needs to talk with his daughter. Just an informal chitchat about relationships and becoming adults. While the young lady is use to splitting the holiday (one house one year, the other house the next), this is a very first of potentially making her own decision. Having these types of decision making powers can and does affect others.

Does SD truly intend to cut Mom off totally for Christmas? How does SD think Mom will feel if that is the case? Is SD planning to select together alternate celebration time (example, spend the weekend with Mom)? Does implementing the weekend plan with Mom, mean Mom ends up trying to reschedule grandma and Uncle Joe at Mom's house? Does it mean Mom will be all alone? Should SD perhaps consider skipping the movie and Chinese and go to Mom's midday?

Dad can talk to her honestly about how he would feel if shoe were on other foot. No, not guilt tripping. Just helping his daughter come to her first adult like decisions process taking all things into consideration. Life is changing for SD, it's changing for her parents and all Dad can really ask of his daughter is that she carefully gives consideration to all decisions she now finds herself facing as the young lady she is becoming. That's all he can do. It's all any parent can do when our children aren't children anymore. We have to let them go and watch them become the young adults they are (a 1/2 year is close enough)

She needs to go to her mom. This is the last year and that is the court order- if SD and BM directly work something out then great but the default needs to be follow the holiday schedule.

The problem is both mom & dad have set this situation in motion. You can't allow someone to do something and then when it doesn't suit you bitch and complain about it.

My ex husband told my former step son who is 18 and a senior that he did not have to come over for the weekends any more but that he needed to come down and visit on Sundays. That works great for ex as then he doesn't have to drive the 15 year old home to his mothers.He doesn't give the kid money for gas for the 60 mile round trip either. Now for Christmas that decree says he gets the two teenage boys Christmas eve night until 8am on Christmas day. He has never made them stay overnight and BM1 was always good about letting them stay the night of the 23rd and then we had them home by 9 or 10pm Christmas eve. This year he emails her stating that he wants them over night on the 23rd but the kids don't want to come till the afternoon of the 24th. There is no bed for SS18 since ex moved to his GF's and he has given the 18 who has to do the driving the promise of no overnights. When BM responded because he emailed her not the kids this he got nasty with her and said she was taking advantage of his good will and he could make them stay overnight on the 24th and prevent them from serving midnight mass on Christmas eve because of the decree.

To me this is a great example of you tell the kids that they can do one thing until it doesn't suit you and then you get nasty.

My decree says that he gets from 9am xmas eve to 9pm. Last year I let him take BS8 the night before and then he brought him home late at 10 pm. My decree says that I have to pick BS up and I unfortunatly did that to myself never thinking he would move 45 minutes away and because he is always late. In the begining before things got really combative with him he used to drop BS off now we follow it to the T.This year he asked to have him on the 23rd using the excuse that his parents are in town... they are not going to be there until the afternoon of the 24th anyways but I am a reasonable person so I said yes but only if he brought him home. He agreed, but it will not surprise me if he screws me over at 9pm on Christmas eve... and then it will never happen again.

I have no opinion. It sounds like your SD has a really good head on her shoulders

Here's something that has stuck to me for a decade. When DH's youngest daughter wanted an extra overnight with him when she was 8, BM emphatically said no! I could see the sadness in her eyes I said to her "it must be hard when you want to be with your mom and your dad and can't." I was trying to acknowledge her feelings and get her to open up. This is what she said in response "I wish my mom and dad lived in the same neighborhood so I could see both of them every day." She's a very intelligent girl (tested 140 IQ at age 16). I think her answer was simple and brilliant.

The b*tchiness is strong in this thread. And no one is reading what the OP has clearly stated.

Lmao. Let the kid do what she wants. My daughter did at that age and I am not a GUBM. Kids grow up. The CO is no more than a guideline for folks who can't get along. Otherwise you're free to work out a schedule that you like. A judge won't waste their time and the BM will take a slap for being behind on CS.

Let the girl do as she wishes. Otherwise, why don't you handcuff her, throw her In The car and dump her at her mother's. The GOORIOUS CO MUST BE FOLLOWED. Half the folks saying they did, didn't. No one always does. Duh.

And no. Your family shouldn't rearrange what's been done for 10 years because of this.

What a bunch of bull.