Oh, the laziness!
So BM and SS18 are making a point to send my DH emails that say that SS18 can't look for a job because there's no point in him getting one if he can't get there because DH hasn't provided the 18 year old who doesn't have a driver's license with a vehicle. I guess they think this will make my DH cave and buy him a car? That somehow saying that is going to make my DH feel guilty and punished or that he's holding back his only poor child who can not get to a job. When my DH asekd if my SS18 had his driver license yet. he said he had worked on it "a little".
He doesn't want to work. He doesn't want to get his driver's license. He is as lazy as they come. My nephew, same age, walks to work every day. It's about twice as far for my nephew (2.5 miles) as it would be for SS18 to walk 1.3 miles to the main shopping district in their town, where there should be jobs available. Those jobs might suck and might pay minimum wage but there are jobs.
He doesn't want to work. He doesn't want to drive. But somehow, they expect this will make DH feel guilty enough to run in and solve the problem for them. It disgusts him! They really live in a different world.
People get rides, ride bikes, walk to work, get jobs close to home etc. BM has a car and could drop SS at work in the morning and he could stay there all day. People do that al the time. My adult daughter got rides to work and read before and after work until someone could drive her. She did that for years, that's just normal. But SS18 can't be expected to do normal things like other people.
In this case SS should stand for SUPER SPECIAL. Normal expectations don't apply.
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My SD didn't get her license
My SD didn't get her license until she was 21. Job? What job? She's 27, no job.
She did have one job when she was about 23, working for someone her aunt knows, but she was fired within 6 months because she is LAZY. And that was the end of her working.
My DH is disgusted, as well.
First of all, unless dad is
First of all, unless dad is paying CS and/or is obligated to pay for college, BM can leave him the hell alone! Second, no license? Why give him a perfectly good car that more than likely will not be insured (definitely not by your household, but you already clarified that) or even used since SS is not motivated to get a job? I rode my BICYCLE 3 miles to work at least 3 days a week at age 15 until I got a car at 16 and I ACCEPTED THE CAR MY FATHER GAVE ME! This all just annoys the crap out of me on your behalf. If I were in DH's shoes, I'd simply IGNORE or write a polite, but direct, email stating that SS was offered a perfectly fine car 2-3 years ago and REFUSED his offer. End of the damn story.
CS is DONE! Yay. And no,
CS is DONE! Yay. And no, not obligated to pay for college. He will get financial aid and enough grants to pay for community college, which is what he says his plan is. Although I am sure the next thing will be that he couldn't enroll in classes because "he didn't have a way to get there."
They have ignored our suggestions that they move to an adjacent city with public transportation. Because there's no way he could be expected to take the bus!
I feel your frustration, but
I feel your frustration, but it still ticks me off that people really function this way. I've been fortunate enough to have always had decent cars to drive even though they weren't always luxurious sports cars or brand new trucks! SS is afraid to drive, yet, thinks he deserves the best of the best? As a person who's never driven, I'd be more afraid of a sports car or truck (his original preference/ request).
All of this to say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. I didn't have a choice to NOT go to driver's ed the second I turned 15, or right around then. I just can't fathom reading about these "kids" 18+ not driving and even being AFRAID to drive. Yes, it is dangerous, but it is pretty much life and adults suck it up, take the risk, and take care of their responsibilities. It sounds like dad did his part and SS just thinks he's "mean ol' dad". Will DH get FD wishes this weekend from special snowflake SS?
Why does he want a car if he
Why does he want a car if he doesn't want to drive?
Is this urgent need for Dad to buy a car because perhaps BM needs a new vehicle?
Doesn't want to work, Doesn't want to drive. So what does the young man need a vehicle for?
1.3 miles? HAHAHAHAHA
I actually don't think he
I actually don't think he does. He told his aunt a couple of months ago he is afraid to drive and doesn't want a license.
BM wants him to have a car and to have a job, but she doesn't have the parenting skills to structure time to practice driving, take classes and get him the license OR tell him to stop playing video games and get off his rearend to go job hunting.
SHE wants him to work and drive. But she doesn't have the parenting skills to teach him how to problem solve around obstacles that make it less than easy to get there.
SS is conveniently using it as an excuse not to grow up, but probably towing the line with BM about how horrible it is that DH hasn't gotten him a car and so he can't work.
What is it with kids not
What is it with kids not wanting to drive???? I couldn't wait to get my driver's license and I had to beg my parents to use their car to go to the orthodontist!!!
I'll tell you what...I practically chewed my way out of my parents house ASAP. It sucked living there with those people. I guess if it's cushy enough, they don't want to leave!
This 100%. I couldn't wait to
This 100%. I couldn't wait to drive and made my dad take me out to the desert to practice in his truck at least once a month at 14. I also moved out less than 2 months after graduation and never looked back.
I don't get it either. I had
I don't get it either. I had a job cleaning dog sh*t out of kennels in a BASEMENT (pretty much the most disgusting job in the world, and in hindsight I feel really bad about those dogs being kept in a dark dingy basement...) when I was 12, and had to ride my bike 1.5 miles to get there. No one made me do it, although when I was 16 I was strongly encouraged to have a job, which I would have done anyway since we were poor. I was stealing my dad's car out of the church parking lot when he was at evening events there and driving all over town when I was 12, because I couldn't wait to drive and have a car! How could you not want that freedom?
When my SO's kids get old enough to work, they will be expected/required to have a job to pay for their own gas, spending money, etc. There won't be any "I don't want to". This is one thing my SO and I agree on firmly. However, BM will probably try to wreck that plan, since she sends nasty emails if we make the kids walk to school in nice weather (.9 of a mile, all on side streets in a small town), won't make them do chores, and never made her 20yr old daughter work (daughter is a complete loser now, no car and won't hold a job).