I told DH I was going to disengage and I have done a pretty good job of it. I have slipped once or twice but its brand new to me and I am not one to "not care" about someone. Its taking A LOT of self control on my part. But I have done good. After a week or two DH realized I was serious. He did not like this and told SD17 that she better get her shit together (not sure what would happen, not like we can send her to BM who lives in another country). He told her I am his wife and I will be first before SD anytime. That she is to respect me and that he will not tolerate it if she doesn't. He told her I am the reason she has EVERYTHING she does and without me she wouldn't be anywhere near where she is (its true). He told her that I will no longer be miserable in my house because of her. This was Saturday.

Mother's came and went and ended up with me deeply hurt with my DD, DH and (full time) SD ruining my day in every way possible. AND DH/SD weren't even home until 4pm so they didn't have much time to fuck it up. So that didn't end well.

Monday evening and its me, SD and DD at home and I am getting ready so we can take MIL out for dinner for her mothers day. SD comes up to me and says she is sorry for all the times she has been mean to me, you could tell it was worse than pulling her nails out with pliers having to say sorry to me. I told her "thanks for the apology but at this point your words are moot. Actions speak louder than your dad making you apologize to me and if you are sorry it will show in your actions. The last 3 years I have had so many 'sorry's' I cant count." she sat silent through the whole thing.

I make meal plans two weeks at a time. I put A LOT of time and effort into them to make sure they are healthy, good and something everyone will like. I am NOT a cooker, it takes me twice the time it should to make something cause I have to re-read the directions over and over. Food always comes out good but its exhausting. I cook Mon-Thur (fri is family night) and most weekends. So EVERYONE in the house knows I am going to make dinner. I get home tonight and there is KFC in the trash. I touch the cup, its cold and wet, so fresh. I ask DH who went to KFC and he said "I dunno, SD? Ask her" Well, she is suppose to tell him everywhere she goes. She just got a car (my car) and in order to make sure she is ok and such, she lets us know every stop. I remind DH he should know if she went....well he didn't. So I slipped, I had to ask. I couldn't wait for him to get home. The idiot went and ate at KFC KNOWING good and well I was going to cook dinner and had the nerve to throw the trash in the can in the kitchen! So much for "you wont disrespect SM anymore!" from DH cause she did it yet again. I said "don't you think its kinda pointless to eat a meal right before I am going to cook you a meal?" her reply "well now that I look at it, yeah"

I cant cook everyone else in my house dinner except her, I am at a loss. Same shit, different story. Its one thing after another with her. Its not rude in front of my face, hardly has she had the balls so say things to my face. Its shit like this, always behind my back. AHHHHHH!!!

She has one more year in high school and says she wants to stay in the US for college. I don't know if I can handle that and stay living here with her. How do I deal with that mess?
Thanks for letting me vent.