Ready for divorce first blog
I'm so glad to have found this website! My marriage is not going well right now. My husband and I have 1 daughter together 2 and a 1/2 years old and another on the way. He also has a 10 year old daughter from a previous marriage. Everything was good between us until the baby came along.
I'm a stay at home mom and he never helps out with our baby, even on the weekends. Sometimes I would like a break too! I'm always chasing her around while he does his own thing.
Also, his daughter is so annoying! Mostly that is her age but he seems more focused on her than our baby together. I am afraid when the new baby arrives, he won't help out with her either.
Also (this might be the worst) I can't seem to trust him. A couple years ago I caught him talking and sorta flirting on Facebook with another woman. I wanted a baby at the time and now I think he had one with me just to keep me from leaving.
The most awful part is how he acts when his family is over. His uncle married a woman almost 20 years younger and she is a couple years younger than my husband. I notice every time they are around he is always bragging about himself to her and also trying to make her laugh.
Once we got into a big fight because everyone was snacking on peanuts and he kept making references about her having nuts in her mouth. He said it was a joke when I got mad that night and I was overreacting. He says the same thing when I get upset at his daughter too. I don't know what to think but it's all too much!
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Can I ask why you conceived a
Can I ask why you conceived a 2nd child with him if he was already this way with your 1st? Or was it an oops?
A lot of guys can be standoffish with younger babies/toddlers but then excel at being dads when they are older. Or you could have one of those that only the 1st one matters. Not sure.
I would get into counseling 1st to address his lack of boundaries or flirtations and also ask him for more help w/the kids. Sometimes specific lists are more helpful then us nagging at them or expecting them to do what is right (sadly).
That said, divorce is really a very hard thing, on the adults and mostly on the kids- I rarely recommend divorce unless there is outright abuse or addiction/severe mental health issues. Everything else can be worked at-and being a single parent you will do absolutely everything alone with your kids- blended families are 100times worse then an intact home in most cases.
An oops baby but I probably
An oops baby but I probably would have still had another one anyway. I get mad and then I think I'm wrong. My husband is sooo good at making me feel like I'm overreacting.
is counseling expensive? We don't have a lot of money.
Check your insurance
Some insurance policies cover a certain number of visits per year. Or, check with you county family services - maybe they will help direct you to someone reasonably priced. Or, even some churches offer marriage counseling. Good marriage counseling requires both people to inventory - just be honest. Congrats on the new baby!
Counselling is always cheaper
Counselling is always cheaper than a divorce ...
AMEN to that!!!
AMEN to that!!!
Listen to Bananaseedo
Going straight to thermonuclear divorce at this point might be a little rash, but you're the one living with him, so you have a better read than others on the situation. Try to talk to him - calmly as you can- make sure he understands what your expectations are as far as the kids and watch him more closely to determine if he is really stepping out on you or just a social misfit.
I would try counseling before
I would try counseling before divorce. Especially since you will have to share custody time with him. I know I didn't rush to divorce because I was not comfortable with the idea of leaving now exH to care for a newborn or young child by himself.
Divorce is hard and something
Divorce is hard and something that you should fully consider and try to avoid. It will be hard you you, it will be hard on your children.
Before you go there, get a counselor. Then get a job. Daycare's are great if you have little ones because you get a really fantastic discount. Having that independence and your own income will help you make your decision.
I also want to add that his comments to his uncle's wife are beyond inappropriate! What did the uncle say? What did the wife say? Next time he says something like that I would publicly shame him. Call him out with his entire family there- "DH, that is inappropriate and disrespectful. Not only to me as your wife but to your uncle and to "Jane". Have more respect for your family."
His uncle and his wife are
His uncle and his wife are pretty passive people. They laughed like it was all just a joke but I know she probably felt uncomfortable! He says he was just kidding with her and I am overreacting. He was drinking.
I would still call him out.
I would still call him out. That was just rude.
I would still call him out.
I would still call him out. That was just rude.
Does his behavior get worse when he drinks?
Does his behavior get worse when he drinks? Does he use his drinking as an excuse for bad behavior?
"nuts in your mouth"...hmmmm.
"nuts in your mouth"...hmmmm. NO. I would have said something right then and there. That is incredibly inappropriate. WTF? Eeewww... You need to address things as they happen. And counseling is always a better way to approach things, if that doesn't work then go to the next step.