Pre-teen SS won't keep items at purchased for our house at our house
Ok it may sound petty but I'm so sick of us buying SS things and they end up over the his mothers house. I'm not talking about one or two little things or him wanting to bring a toy over to his mothers house to play with and then returning it to our house when he comes back. He begs for us to buy him something then it "disappears" but he SWEARS its in our house but throws a fit if we try and make him "show" us where it is. We know he took it to his mothers house and lying. The older he gets the MORE expensive the things he wants gets. Now he has plenty of toys at his mothers house and funny(NOT!) nothing she buys EVER comes over to our house. The lastest thing to disappear is hand held video game that was over $100. It did not last 3 days at our house! I try to go through his school bag before he goes home but he's got wise to that and now keeps his bag in his room or puts things in his pockets. BM is not on good terms with us so talking to her about this problem is pointless. Maybe there is no advise but I just needed to vent!
That's too easy - just quit
That's too easy - just quit buying him anything.
Time to implement the TSA
Time to implement the TSA search before he leaves to go back to BM's. Pockets, back pack, suitcase, etc.....
What is bought here stays here....
Though we never did this because SS had long distance visitation with his SpermClan. If we did the bought here stays here thing he would have returned in literal rags with a stick and old grocery bag over his shoulder with various and sundry crap in it. So... we did the spread sheet inventory method where we inventoried all fo the clothes and belongings he took to SpermLand and made him be sure to bring it all back... or .... we billed the SpermClan for it. That mostly took care of it but not entirely. They were famous for keeping the Skid's name brand clothes to later have it show up on the three younger also out of wedlock spermidiot spawned half sib's in school pictures and family pictures.
Yup. Close the wallets. And
Yup. Close the wallets. And if he complains he's bored at your house, oh well. Too bad. He can bring the stuff you bought back over.
As others have said, stop
As others have said, stop buying him stuff for your house. Tell him you've bought plenty, and if he wants something for your house, he should bring the stuff back from BM's house first and show that it can remain at your house for an extended period of time. That would make me crazy.
Go to BM's and get the loot..
Go to BM's and get the loot....Uhhhh,I am here to retrieve my things I bought ss for our house.
As the others have said, do
As the others have said, do not spend your own money if you know it will disappear or won't be used. I never buy anything for SD14 any longer (unless I know it'll stay at our house, like a comforter for Xmas) and I cut back on SD12 too, unless it's really cheap and I won't miss it. I have bought her shoes and a coat recently, but she helped pick those out and she doesn't lose those things. I don't buy new tupperware, new utensils, etc. Because same thing. In fact, I used to give BM back the stockpile of stuff (usually tupperware) now and then but realized she never did the same, so I stopped that too.
DH started noticing when HE had to foot the bill. He also stopped going to BMs to retrieve things. SD14 has barely any clothes at our place any longer, and SD12 is going to need more soon, but not my issue. No sweater and you are cold? We bought you three new ones two months ago and they aren't here? Well, too bad.
We had this with clothing, it
We had this with clothing, it wouldn't have been an issue but they disappeared never to be seen again when they left our house, sometimes SD15 would come to us in clothes that were obviously too small yet we knew we'd bought things that fitted her properly. Nothing was said about it until she told us she was taking all of her new jeans back to BMs. At this point SO put his foot down and explained it from our point of view, clothing goes backward & forward now although SO will mention something on the odd occassion if something seems to have gone AWOL. We've never figured out where it all went, SD & BM aren't the same size either so it wasn't even down to them wanting to share the clothing.
The only solution is to quit
The only solution is to quit buying this brat expensive things like that and wasting your money.
Wow glad to see its just not
Wow glad to see its just not me that feels this is wrong. Thanks everyone for the support! Great minds think alike but unfortunately I've tried pretty much all above suggestions. SS is a TOTAL spoiled brat and has been told MULTIPLE times by both me and BD what we buy stays at our house. SS agrees just to get the items but then does as he wants. BD suffers from "daddy guilt" which SS plays up so there is never any consequences for SS when he disobeys. I try and check SS bag everytime before he goes back to BM's but sometimes I'm at work or busy and forget or SS hides stuff and grabs it right before he leaves and we don't catch him. If it was up to me SS would not get one more thing till he "finds" everything we purchased him but BD won't go for that (already suggested it). So what I told BD last night is I'm done buying SS anything smaller than a toaster. SS will only be getting big gifts from me from now on and only on birthday's and Xmas. Things that he can't sneak over to his mother's house like a skateboard or something big for his bedroom. I'm still irritated as BD still continues to spend tons of money on things that just end up at BM's house. This is money we could be using for other things than stocking BM's house with loot. Since SS is just going to continue to lie and do as he pleases and BD will not reinforce consequences this is the best I can do.
Oh we have tried "this is a
Oh we have tried "this is a shared item" or I went as far as to tell SS once a video game was mine but he could use it at OUR house. Does not matter. SS is also a thief so he does not care if something is his,ous, or mine if he wants it hes going to take it