Out of my control
Normally when I get angry at the BM of my stepsons, I vent and say horrible shit. I talk about all the things I disagree with and how she's a bad mom. The BM has been in my life for seven years now. Seven. For a lot of you this is nothing, but for me I feel like I've aged tremendously since the moment I've met her.
She is the first person that I can say has a very true talent;BM has ability to suprise me and not disappoint at the same time. For example, my SS had a soccer game today. This is her first time with him in two weeks. What happens? She keeps him with her instead of motivating him to go to the game and she watches. This is something that I knew would happen, while my DH thought maybe she would keep her word for at least a while.
The surprise was how much she doesn't care that her other two kids (my SS's) have this tendency of threatening to stab themselves and give these gory details of how they would do it. She calls them being dramatic.
Now here I am catching myself from ranting about her. But I think I need help. Maybe I should be seeing someone and how to deal with situations that I have no control over. I have none when it comes to these boys and I never will. The part that really sucks is, I have been with them since they were 6 and the twins were 3. I am so increidbly attached, but what's the point? I'm just going to be continually hurt and there is nothing I can do.
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Comments
Counseling
I think you have a good idea with the counseling. I went as a last ditch effort to save my marriage when BM and 3 skids were overwhelming me and causing endless disruption. It truly changed my life and was the best money I ever spent.
In your case, I think it's especially important if the boys are talking about self-harm. It will help you help your DH in dealing with this issue. Good luck.
Thank you!
It's hard to go through this becasue they're not my kids. I have little to control and I know my DH feels the same way some time. I don't think it helps him if I'm overly stressed and argumentative about it either. Then he puts up walls and we're fighthing. I feel like anytime the BM's name comes up, it automatically causes the house to go into full tension mode.
I hear you
I was super stressed, too. It was bad and I was depressed. These step situations are so much tougher than we think, going into it.
I think most of us know that
I think most of us know that feeling of spiraling because you can see the train wreck in front of you and you can't stop it, you can't change the course, you just have to watch. I think most of us also have/had the best of intentions and truly care for these kids when they came into our lives. We wanted to love and by loved by them.
Counseling is a really good idea. When things were at our worst I got on medication for the stress and anxiety. I wish I would have not gone down that path and pursued counseling or at least done counseling as well. The meds helped tremendously but there was more I needed to work out emotionally that I had to figure out on my own. Help would have been good.
Yes go see someone! I booked
Yes go see someone! I booked my next appointment and it seriously cannot come quick enough. I'm considering going back on my anti depressants again as my tolerance is almost back to 0.
It's been 5 years for me and I forever go back and forth with how much head space I give Toxic BM.