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BM’s return!

mthomas27's picture

Okay. After the times of being on this site and venting and receiving excellent advice I'm learning to deal with the BM. I can't stand her but I'm just staying out of the way. My DH doesn't really get me involved anymore due to my request. However it's amazing how things are still so frustrating at times. 
 

What really bothers me is her way of just showing up to drop something off. She doesn't even make herself present anymore, She just drops it off and texts my DH. However that in itself is annoying. She moved away with the two SS's last year and now they're back. My third SS likes living with us, so he stayed with us all last year and saw his brothers Friday - Sunday and all holidays. I have become so incredibly close to this one and it's killing me because she's moved back. Which means ALL the times that I got to play "mom" and go to the school with him is over. Or anytime my SS wants to see his friends, now it will be her as the point person. I'm just the stepmom again, and I hate it. (You all are the only community where I'm not completely embarrassed saying that.) 

There is a meet and greet at the school for the kids to meet their teachers. Last year my SS, DH, and I went to the school together and it was wonderful. This year, she'll be there. 

Today feels like a rough day already and I just needed to get this out. Before I end up taking it out on my DH. 

Comments

lieutenant_dad's picture

Is there a reason why you can't still be involved in these things? Is it because SS doesn't want you to be there or because you don't want to deal with BM?

I can't stand the BM in my life. OSS lives here when he is out on college break and YSK lives here full time. For all intents and purposes, I am "mom". On the rare occasions she decides to play mom, I don't tend to take a step back completely. Now, I will let DH take the lead in asking questions, introducing folks, etc. But if I am going to be acting as a primary parental figure then I'm going to be involved. BM can hate it all she wants, but her choice was to move away and let someone else be in charge. That comes with consequences.

I know you're into your feelings today and having a rough go at it. Been there, still sometimes have those days. But all because she has decided to grace you all with her presence doesn't mean that you now have to fade into the background. Sure, she may be "mom", but that doesn't make you any less important now. If SS asks for distance, that's one thing. But if you think you need to step back because she shows her face, you don't. If she acts like a fool because you remain present, then your DH needs to knock her attitude down a few pegs by reminding her that SHE is the NCP and SHE left. She gets the deal with the consequences of those actions whether she likes it or not.

CLove's picture

I always call myself the "step aside" because Im good for helping and doing and all that, but when things get "real" I have to step back and shut up. Which I hate, but its in the best interest of everyone. I dont like to be around when BM Toxic Troll is. I HATE as does DH, when BM decided she wanted to "drop something off". She now knows I dont like that. So what. It gets easier over time, but at first you will experience that feeling of withdrawal. Id see how things go with SS.