Movie and Video Game Ratings
Hey Everyone,
Okay - I need to vent for a minute here. BM thinks it is acceptable for my SS's (twins that are 7 and 11) allowed to play Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty, Fort Nite - for a few years now. Now I find out that she's been allowing the 7 year olds to watch Jaws, Tomorrow War, and a ton of other PG-13 movies. What I don't understand is, there is a rating on it. There is no reason to have look anything up. You can tell right there who it is meant for, and 7 is not the age.
What really drives me crazy is my one SS (7) told me a story about a boy who was locked up in a closet by his mom and he sought revenge and kills her. So immediately I ask him where did he hear this from, how did he come up with it, did mommy ever lock you in a closet. Nope. It's a video game he's allowed to play. WTF?!
The part that kills me more than anything is how if these were my children OR if these children went to their friends house and the parent let them watch it over there I would be able to speak my mind. BUT NOPE. I can't do anything about it. The BM is so friggin stupid and I am so angry with her all the time. How? How do you guys do this?
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Comments
Media can be a rough one.
Media can be a rough one. Personally I'd see no issue with kids watching something like Jaws as it's an older movie and while violent is more positive than say a modern action movie can be with hyper sexualization that is closer to their own modern world.
You can't control what happens at their mother's house. It's something I've had to come to terms with even when my SD6 knew at 5 what twerking was and how to do it. All you and your DH can do is monitor what happens in your home and explain the clear difference between fiction and non fiction. Explain what's acceptable and what is not. Also document when these things happen just in case.
As someone who personally watched gremlins since I was 6 and it's still my favorite Christmas movie take these words with a grain of salt.
You’re right
First, I hope I wasn't coming across as insulting at all. I mean you're right, with older movies it is so different then today's films. Especially being in film myself, that's one of the classics. So I do get it. I just know there's the skinny dipping scene and the sex reference that bothered me.
But you're right, I can't do anything and I really need to start letting go. there's so much history and it's to a point that she could sneeze and I would be mad with how she did it.
Thank you for listening
Not insulting at all ! And
Not insulting at all ! And yes there's always some weirdness in what I consider "the classics" . Jurassic Park for example has some sexual tones. Honestly? If I had this knowledge of what the kids had already seen use it to your advantage and watch something you love that's what you consider kid friendly
My step kids had an excellent time watching svengoolie when we rented a vacation house. Svengoolie is basically silly old horror movies with a man in make interjecting bad jokes. It's too silly to be scary basically . It's an old timey thing from back home ( Chicago) .
I know it's hard to come to
I know it's hard to come to terms with but not your kids, not your house, not your problem. Trust me, I get it. I disagree with just about everything our BM does as a parent, but SS isn't my kid and BM is long distance primary custodial, so there is nothing me or DH can do with only 6 weeks of visitation. Just document things that are alarming and do what you find acceptable in your own home.
Repeat the serenity prayer as your new mantra: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
It really is hard
This is hard and like I said in the other comment, nothing she will do, will I agree with. I'm constantly angry and it's eating me up. You're right. I need to start saying the serenity prayer and getting centered.
This is one of the toughest things I will ever do. I feel like I'm married to her as well. *shok*
You have to remember that
You have to remember that everyone has a past and your DH's happens to include BM and skids. I'm sure you have exes that you are happy are just that... exes and luckily you don't have to interact with them anymore because you don't have children with them. DH has the same past, but unfortunately, his followed him into his future because kids are involved. I used to wish that DH never got BM pregnant because they were stupid teenagers or that DH thought about what having a child with BM would do to his future. I even used to feel resentment toward him for making such a stupid choice at 19, which will now haunt us until DH is 38. But, I wasn't in DH's shoes in those moments and I can't judge him for choices he made before me. The situation is what it is, so I can only accept it and move forward.
Try to remember that BM is just another parent and you aren't always going to agree with every parent just like BM isn't going to always agree with your/DH's parenting choices. I'm sure you don't agree with every parenting choice your friends make, but the difference is that your friends aren't BM and their choices aren't personal to you and don't affect you. It's a hard pill to swallow, to accept that you have no control over a situation that so greatly impacts your life. I found more peace with counseling, this site, and strong boundaries. With strong boundaries, that feeling of being constantly tied to BM will lessen. Remember, the only thing you and BM have in common is skids. That's it. I still have bad days filled with anxiety, judgement, and anger, but they are less frequent now and tend to be situational (only when BM ramps up her nonsense.) Give yourself peace to accept the things you cannot change.
Just focus on your house
Just focus on your house and what you and your DH feel is appropriate. If BM sends devices with games that you don't think are age appropriate, then the kids don't play them at your house. They're hard conversations, and the kids get angry at different rules in different houses, but your DH has to be a parent and make parenting calls as best he can. He doesn't have to do what BM does.
We go through similar things, my skids (tween and early teen, both really really immature and uneducated in internet safety) have free reign at BM's house. SStween has told us about things that we would NEVER let him watch here and the nightmares he has from them. SDteen pitched a fit because we won't install WhatsApp with a different user name so she can "scam" her friends! That said, when they really piss me off, I threaten an all-night Alien movie marathon *diablo*
Thank you!
Thank you very much for your support and your words of wisdom.
This has to be one of the most difficult things, but you're right.