I've been there. He has to be told that this is not how he can behave. He had a bad day, he can't say mean things to you. I have had to do this to my SO. It made me lose respect for him at times.

Emmotional abuse is abuse and usually it is a gateway to larger abuse, more physical abuse. When he said "you bring out the worst in me" in the last blog it scared me. My father was an abusive man emotional and physical. When my mother met him he hid it will for a few years except for the little jabs and "bad days' then the emotional abuse esculated, eventually it became hits that were apoligized for and turning it around so it was her fault he hit her. This is a dangerous situation, what if you have kids with this man and they see him talk to you like this, I saw it happen to my mom and a part of me thought that was normal...its not normal it is dangerous, we left my father and got a restraining order when I was ten and we never looked back but alot of damage was already done. It took me years to recover and I am still not fully over it. My mother is a wonderful women and she has tried to be so strong and done so much for me, but she shouldnt' have had to I would be willing to have not been born so that my mother could have left my dad before all that started. Please consider what I said, I don't tell people what happened to me and my mom lightly except for my husband and best friend no one knows, so you know I must feel it is important for you to hear this. Talk to someone you love and trust who is unrelated to him and this mess, get some help and prepare an exit stratagy before something happens and your to broken inside to do it.

It is tough to admit what is actually going on. To admit it means that you have to take responsibility for your choices: to stay or to leave.

It is tough, I know. I made all sorts of excuses for how NN acted for years. I love him and don't WANT to leave him but I have to. It is what is best for my health and hopefully for him as well. It's not easy to admit your marriage has failed.

Now I realize that someone has an abusive personality or they do not. People who do NOT have abusive personalities do NOT take crap out on others just because they had a "bad day."

And you need to learn to put very strong boundaries in place against this type of treatment if you plan on sticking with this guy. Or even just for your own future benefit. You will be treated how you allow yourself to be treated.

Have you looked at that book I recommended? That would probably help clarify things in your head. When I read through it, it was sometimes like they had been in our house listening to our fights. But that is because a lot of abusers have the same patterns of speaking and thinking.

If you don't have money or cannot get that book right now, at least go on Amazon and read the free preview that they give you there.

I second that book recommendation. Also check out Lundy Bancroft's book "Why does he do that".