SD in the Summer...
Ok, so I will be sending my 20 month old son to another country (where I'm from, and all my family lives) my mom will come and get him... and he will be staying there for a month...
Because of several reasons:
1) I need to find a job, and with him here, I can't because of the interviews and everything... I have NO ONE, i repeat, NO ONE to watch him for an hour or two...
2)I feel that we NEED... and CRAVE time for ourselves... JUST ourselves, because again, since no one can watch my son, we NEVER go out without him, last time we went out by ourselves was back in november, one day, to the movies... how pathetic is that??? somehow, we have managed to have a healthy relationship even though my son is ALWAYS present...
3)Again, I need a BREAK, i have him 24/7... sure I will miss him like hell... but I do need a break...
4)My family loves that little one (my mom's only grandchild) and they CRAVE to be with him... I trust my family with him with my eyes closed...!! my mom is one of the most kid friendly person i have ever seen, and very wise, and just a GREAT human being... my sisters adore him... my dad as well, my aunts and uncles are so much fun!!! and my son is very outgoing, he likes strangers, so he won't have separation anxiety...
My mom doesn't work, my older sister doesn't work, there is a 24/7 maid in that house, and is a big house with a lot of things to do...i have LOTS of family and i know it will be a great experience for my son, becuase he likes to be the center of attention...
5)I sent him last year for 2 weeks when he was 9 months old...
ANYWAY.... I'm still scared... because I know i will miss him sooo damn much... :?
I'm also scared because for this summer, SD5 will be with us half of the time... which means... that I won't be kid free 100% it sucks... cuz i see it as a waste of time...
We can only get this break once a year, and she will be here... :?
I was thinking... that with or without a job I want to disengage with her...
Am I being too selfish??? I'm the one who ALWAYS makes breakfast/lunch/dinner for her, and makes sure she bathes twice a day, etc...
I want DH to do most of these things... FOR THE SUMMER... is almost like, oh my son is not here so i don't see WHY i have to do MOST of these things...
When my son is here, i give them both a bath, i cook for both of them etc... so is everything together... but, therefore it doesn't really bother me... I really don't feel like dealing with her while my son is not around this summer...
Should I just keep acting the way I have (doing everything for SD) or not? Also, this is because I don't have a job, and DH has been working a lot... but I don't know if he will have a job for the summer...
Just your thoughts 
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Is she a bad kid or
Is she a bad kid or something? If he's working, how would you disengage and not doing anythig for her? I've never gotten more than a one day break from my son either...most parents don't get month long breaks (well I guess a lot of steps do?) Its normal to want a break, but if she's only going to be there half the time, your DH is working and she's not a bad kid..I wouldn't suggest disengaging. Your DH may take it as rejection and it will only cause problems in your marriage. Let your DH do most of the stuff with her when he's home, but I wouldn't go as far as disengaging...based on what you've said here.
"You never realize how short a month is until you pay child support"
That's what i meant...
Obviously if he is not home I will feed her and bathe her and everything...
But I am currently the one who does EVERYTHING for her right now, even if DH is home... If I tell him to "put them to sleep" or soemthing he does it, but if I don't he doesn't even realize that is way past their bed time... or something...
So, I want him to cater to his daughter's needs a little bit more during the summer, if we are both at home, and she needs to be bathed, HE needs to bathe her, if she is hungry HE needs to feed her (not a 100%) but for he MOST part...
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
Not trying to be rude, honest!
But does it matter if SD is a "bad" kid?
I admit I don't know the full situation...such as if this child has an active BM and things like that....but to me....a woman who does 90% of everything? If my sons go, there is no way in hell I am giving away all my rest, relaxation, and meditation time all for DH to have a constant vacation through life.
One of the reasons I am a good mom is because I have times during the summer months to let go, SLEEP (lol), and amend my soul and mind. If I don't have my OWN kids...who are pieces of my SOUL around....how can I justify sending them away for that peace if I keep DH's kid there? Eventually, that would send a message that my "break" was about THEM instead of about ME being a human being who needs time to breath. Ya know?
Best!
Ummmm it looks as if
since your child will be gone you will be doing more things as far as caregiving. His reason will be you only have 1 to look after now. So don't look for any additional help on his part. If anything you will be doing more.
"And this too shall pass..."
Gia..I understand
your intentions here..it happens in my house too..when my BD is home I take care of them both..BD and SS..I come home, cook, laundry..bath,,etc..etc..I work all day til 5 than pick up SS5 from daycare, go home and do all this..FH comes home about 830 (on an early night) just in time ..for a few minutes of dadda dadda..than goodnight.
Last Sat. my BD was gone for the day with her dad and my girlfriend wanted me to hang out with her in Boston. I couldn't because I had SS..I felt kind of resentful..like WTF! my own child is gone and I'm still left taking care of SS..than I HAD To remind myself that I knew this was gonna happen when I started..in hindsight I should've spoken to FH more about having "alone" time sometimes but I didn't. I've now spoken to FH about it and he has agreed to try and fine someone to be able to watch him a few hours here n there if I really need it.
I also understand what you mean about your DH taking care of her. I seem to take care of my SS more than FH even when FH is home!!! Like last night I had cooked dinner (this is when I've been VERY sick and sad for a few days now)..I cooked dinner and SS wasn't hungry yet (he wanted to wait for FH to eat). So when FH came home I asked SS if he was gonna eat now and he said yes..so I told FH to make him a plate too when he made his own..he made a face..for a very quick second like "what - you can't do it" lol..than I think he realized his mistake..I said something..I told him "hello...I take care of him 24/7 when you are home I expect you to"
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"