I'm back at it... Mom's gone
Things just won't look up for me at all.. seems the plan with my mom's friend won't work out. I am in such dispair!!! At this point I don't even know how I'm going to get up in the morning. Since mom and dad are split up she has been staying at his house and helping me. They got into a huge argument this morning and said she could stay no longer. So she packed up her things and my sisters and now I'm here alone. My dad goes off in his own world and my 16 year old brother is a roided up headcase.
I closed my fb and SH's stepmom contacted me about it. Originally she abruptly stopped our conversations a couple days ago saying that we needed to be more casual in coversation because SH is her SS and she doesn't want to damage their relationship. So I said I understood. This morning she asked about the fb and I told her about closing it. She said she still wants to know about what's going on and that SH can't just request her to shut her emotions off to me bc he wants her too. I asked if he told her to cut me off and she said no but he will if she supports me. That his true colors are shining through. She said there is a monster inside of him and I must and triggered it's release with some of my reactions and his mother is enabling him. I just don't understand this abrupt, heartless cut-off 
how do you just stop feeling for the woman you married who is 4 months pregnant, knowing she has nothing and no friends, no support... nothing. No money or job... how can he do that??? How can he end things without even so much as a talk?
My chest hurts and it's hard to breath. I feel like a child who needs her mommy and now she is gone.
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That is BS. Ignore all of
That is BS. Ignore all of them and take it easy on yourself. You still have done the right thing in leaving him. You will be fine. Women raise children all the time by themselves. Just take it day by day...
She went back to TX to get
She went back to TX to get her life together. She doesn't have a home but my dad has a house there that is soon to be foreclosed on. She will stay there for a little bit then go stay with some sisters for a bit.
What his SM meant was that he has had this monster in him building up in him (not that it was caused by me) and through his mind, he is justifying his actions... and because we had arguments, this monster came out on me... it was looking for any excuse to take out the pain from his ex on me. She is very upset with him. And shocked...
How can he do that? He is
How can he do that? He is the center of his world. I don't understand people like that, but they are out there. As long as he the center of his world, he will only be concerned with him.
As for his SM inquiring about your FB, you are free to shut down your account if that's what you feel you wish to do. You don't owe her anything. She has a choice to make. She can choose to continue enabling & supporting her asshole of a SS & excuse his behavior by blaming you for setting off a monster), or she can do him a favor & help him grow the fuck up & help him learn how to behave like a decent individual & own the blame that is his to own & fix his shit. The dude has no self-control. That alone is a big BIG problem. He probably won't like hearing it, but as long as people let him believe that his attitude is fine, he'll continue to carry it that way. If she doesn't have it in her to set him straight, she may as well be encouraging him to carry on as he has.
He has a child on the way. If he wants a relationship with his child, he's going to have to make room in his universe for more than himself.
You owe NONE of these people ANYthing. You do for YOU. You do for YOUR CHILD.
You & your child deserve to feel happy & safe every day of your life. You have everything you need inside of you to make it happen.
"Things just won't look up
"Things just won't look up for me at all.."
Mrs, some (or a lot) of this has to do with how you choose to look at things. Ok, so you're lacking your mom and sisters to console and commiserate with you and your mom's friend is no longer an option either. The question is, are you safe and secure in your dad's house for the time being? If yes, be thankful for that small blessing and work on what you can do (even the slightest things) to pull yourself back together and stand on your own two feet for you and your baby.
I know it's human nature to go round and round with the people you've left (or need to leave) behind, hoping or trying to pull them on board with you. I'm struggling with that too. But, in most cases, it's pretty futile. A waste of YOUR precious limited energy and resources. It will also cost your baby if you don't pull yourself together and move forward on your own, ASAP. You want your little bambino to arrive to a stable environment free from the chaos you're living now, right?
You have a job to do and that's making sure you are able to survive (and thrive) on your own with your new bundle of joy. Have you set up an appointment with social services/local dept. of public welfare yet? You and the baby will need some assistance if you have no income or resources to tap. If you do not feel that your present living arrangement at your father's is secure or dependable, perhaps they can point you in the direction of affordable housing.
Take care of the pressing business at hand first. If you have time to collapse into a blob and sleep like you're never gonna wake up in between or after handling your business for yourselves, then go for it. First pregnancies are tiring and stressful without a breakup drama! (huggs)
Hi, MsFitMama. I got out of
Hi, MsFitMama. I got out of my abusive relationship with my XH in 2009.
If you call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE, they can help you find local resources, and you can call them 24/7, even if all you need is to vent. These people were a life saver when I was trying to get out.
When you find a local shelter, tell them that you are at risk of being homeless, you are pregnant, and you don't want to go back to your STBX-H. I've been to the shelters with my kids; they aren't bad. And while you are there, they will help you apply for Medicaid, Food Stamps, and welfare. They may even help you with finding an apartment on your own.
Once you figure out how you are going to live in the short-term, then you can relax and try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. The shelter will help you with getting counseling and finding support groups.
Don't talk yourself out of calling that phone number! I thought that because I wasn't being hit, that no one would believe what I was going through. I was wrong. Jerks like the ones we married are a dime a dozen, and people *WILL* believe you.
Once you've figured out how you are going to live, then you can talk to an attorney. Often, the shelters have attorneys that work pro-bono for the shelter residents. The attorney will handle the divorce; in fact, you never have to talk to your STBX again. Everytime him or his family tries to contact you, just say, "Talk to my lawyer", and hang up on them.
Do NOT talk to either your STBX or his family. Ever. When you engage him, it gives him an "in" to manipulate you. Or at the very least, it upsets you which hurts the baby. He doesn't need to know anything about the baby anyway. After all, he put you at risk to lose the baby when you lived with him, so why should he care once you have it?
When you get an attorney, take my advice: Rake him over the coals! Throw the book at him and hit him, legally speaking, as hard as you can as soon as you can. I tried being nice to my abusive XH, and you know what that got me? I've spent my savings fighting him for full custody now of my kids, because I found out that on visitation he was hitting one of them. You STBX has a history of bullying you and hurting his children; don't give him a way of doing this to your baby. Sure, he and his family will call you a bitch, but better to be a bitch than the mother of a hurt or dead child. In fact, I own the title, "Bitch", and I've grown proud of it.
Above all, keep posting so we know that you are OK. If I can think of anything else, I will let you know.