OUR kids can, but my kids don't have to
I grew up in a very respectful home. Children are to address adults as Mr or Mrs/Ms. So it drives me nuts that DH finds it ok that SD6/3 call adults by their first names- not myself but other adults. He puts children just about the same level as adults and I think that's crazy. I explained as teachers are addressed as Mr or Mrs because it's a sign of respect, it should be continued. Am I just too old school? I won't allow the girls to address my friends in such a casual way. Regardless, dh says well we can start that rule with our baby but my kids don't need to follow that rule. Honestly, I don't even know how to approach that comment but it infuriates me!
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I grew up with the same rule
I grew up with the same rule but dropped it with my son. My close friends I always told the kids to use our first names. Now they did/do use Ms./Mr. when speaking to a friend's parents or seniors.
If your DH continues let him
If your DH continues let him know how you feel. No one needs a mate being unreasonable and letting kids do whatever they like. Had my wife do the same thing. I told my SD 18 very nicely over and over not to wear a hat in my house and explained it is a sign of disrespect, carefully explaining this is how I was raised. She flat out refused to take it off and laughed me to scorn basically. My wife sides with her, said it is a stupid rule even though she is a former school teacher and KNOWS better. So now she wears her hat CONSTANTLY. I am helpless. Even though I am her Step dad and my name is on the deed my rules are not respected. Even though since this girl was 5 years old I have fed her, clothed her, bought her toys, took her to dance, saved her from baby sitters that were abusing her my rules are disrespected. I feel your pain. I asked my wife to proof read this and she huffed out of the room saying we are both too old school.
Does his child live with you?
Does his child live with you?
He and his ex are in the
He and his ex are in the middle of negotiating custody terms... currently they're here 50% of the time. Starting the school year, he gets them every other weekend, alternating holidays and summer.
I don't see how it's old
I don't see how it's old school vs respect... when a police officer pulls you over, do you not say yes sir or ma'am? When I grew up with this rule... which btw, for your wifes info, I'm 27... I don't see what's so wrong with respecting an elders request. I still call my aunts and uncles by Aunt so-and-so.
If it's a very close personal friend where they don't prefer to be called Mr or Mrs, then fine. Otherwise, the girls are calling everyone by their first names. I don't believe a 3 year old should be addressing our landlord/used-to-be babysitter who's in her 50s, by her first name.
And how does my husband find it ok to have separate rules.
I'm also a teacher. I expect
I'm also a teacher. I expect to be called Ms.XYZ while working. In a casual setting just using my first name is fine. I always tell new friends this when they tell their to say Ms. Not sure what age has to do with it but I'm 43.
I would rather conform to
I would rather conform to "wow your kids are so well behaved." I don't understand why my dh has such an issue with this.
I guess somehow I need to stick to our guns and not the mine will have these rules and ours will have xyz... the question is how do I do this? It pisses me off that he thinks that's ok to do. He should want the kids to be treated equally.
Since the girls have been taught this way thus far, but it's not too late to teach them otherwise
Ok I dont make my kids use
Ok I dont make my kids use mrs. or mr.-I have heard my son use mr. or mrs. sometimes, but they often call adults by their first name. And both my dh and ss wear hats in the house. That being said- i do not think this is the actual issue. It really struck me more with the poster with the hat. He has asked his sd to remove her hat inside HIS home. She refused (and laughs) while his wife backs her up. What a tremendous message of disrespect both by the child and the wife. If I ask someone to say, take their shoes off when they enter my home-then I really expect them to do so. I dont expect them to laugh at me and for my life partner to support their disrespect.
It's the same with the name game-the poster really feels it is important for kids to address adults with titles. Why on earth would her dh not to support this with his children ( but would with theirs). Obviously on some level he thinks it is an ok thing to ask out of children if he is agreeing that their child should do it-but he's not going to bother to make his children do something that would really please his wife and help her feel like part of the decision making in the entire family? Hmmm. What does that say? It's not a major thing-it would be a simple enough thing to support, right? And the added bonus is that people would probably remark on what nice manners his children had.
It's all about respect.
It's all about respect. ^
It's all about respect.
^ Exactly. And I'm not saying he is wrong and I am right; what got me the most was the inequality that should be nipped in the bud asap.
So I suppose that when my kids are older, it would be ok for me to back them up when they disrespect daddy because I stay home and raise them more than daddy?
It's not even about wrong or
It's not even about wrong or right. Whether kids should address adults one way or another. It's about you stating to your dh that this is something important to you that you would like to see implemented in your home with ALL the children, present and future. It's about him needing to stop and think, "hey this is a small thing that will please my wife AND will make my children have good manners! I can definitely support this!". I dont know that anyone is morally and strongly opposed to children using titles for adults-it's not a hot topic issue-I doubt it goes against his religious beliefs-so it's a bit confusing why he would just not go along with this-even if he felt it was unnecessary-to make his wife happy.
My dh HATES the kids eating in the living room. Me? I dont have such a problem with it. NO, I dont want them to eat messy, sloppy stuff, but chips, popcorn, etc I dont really have a problem with it. All my kids are given chores and such and cleaning the living room is one of them. If they make a mess with their popcorn and chips I would make them clean it up. I dont see what the big deal is in other words. BUT-since this seems to be an important thing for my dh then I try and make sure they do not eat in the living room. I go along with something he feels is important out of respect for him.
Unfortunately I am not sure the same respect is returned, so I am right there with you.
When introduced to children
When introduced to children or young adults, I always say I'm called Miz DONE WITH IT.
And I use MIZ with most all my ladyfriend names...but if they're girls, I say Miss in front of their name:
Miz Lily
Miz Stella
Miss Annabelle
Miss Lola
You get the picture.