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Hopeless

mltorres29's picture

Submitted by mltorres29 on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 7:43am

I am the biological mother of four girls and step mother of a boy and a girl. My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years and things have been hard. I love my husband very much and he is a wonderful man. When we are alone we do fine but the moment the kids are around I am tense and very unhappy. From the beginning his daughter was the drama queen and he sees no imperfections. Also my daughters have never really opened their hearts to him and understandably so he feels like an outsider. Him and one of my girls have not spoken for 3 weeks because he is childish. He is in the wrong with her this time and he seems not to care. I wonder, what if I act this way to his, he would leave me. I need to step up and chose for my children because we are all not very happy. It is hard because my husband is a great man, but the tension is too much. I am always worried if the girls say something to offend his daughter even though she does it to them. When asked she denies and he believes her. I do not think I have it in me to go on for much longer, but I do not want to lose my husband, what can I do?

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now4teens's picture

Submitted by now4teens on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 8:54am

I'm sorry that things in your home are so tense for you right now. Trust me, I can certainly understand what you guys are going through. Have you and your DH considered counseling? It sounds like at this point you need a "third party" to help you communicate more effectively, because it seems like things have come to a standstill in your home.

All totally understandable! You say you're together 2-1/2 years? Well, that's about the time the "honeymoon" phase is over and reality sets in. Boy oh boy, do I remember those years (and NOT fondly). There was a LOT of "eggshell" moments at that time, espcially when dealing with girls.

I'm sure both of you are quite sensitive to what you perceive as even the slightest criticism of each other's children. We went through that, too. The good news is, that now, at six years in, we both have much thicker skin! Wink

I would suggest that you find an effective counselor to sort things out for you and help communicate. But it's not easy. A lot of therapists/counselors simply do not have "blended family" experience and give SUCKY advice, so you might have to go through a few to find one that works well for you.

Good luck!

fedupnow's picture

Submitted by fedupnow on Thu, 06/03/2010 - 9:21am

Trust me I know exactly what you are going through. I too, married for almost 3 years and living with SS19 and SD14 full time custody. As much as I love and adore my husband, I wonder everyday if all this is worth it. You really need to sit down and communicate with your husband when no one is around...go out and have a nice dinner. One thing I do is write all my feelings down in a letter or email to my husband. Your marriage comes first.