No, you have a right to have rules in your own home. They are teens, they need to learn to clean up behind themselves. No nanny is going to be there in college to clean up behind them. No decent man/woman is going to want to marry someone who is a slob as an adult. Maybe counseling? Or do like I did, write your husband a letter and describe the reasons you want the kids to do the things you ask. Apologize for being a nag (phrase it however you want, just basically acknowledge that you may have pushed it too much, and didnt mean to hurt him). I'm not saying that you were, by any means, but it will put him in a better frame of mind to see your perspective. Tell him anything and everything that is bothering you, and let him know that you are open to hearing the same from him. That you really want to make things work (assuming you do), but that you two need to becomes partners and work together to make your marriage work, for the good of all.

I feel for you as i heard the same thing last night. It's all my fault sd is not happy. Disengage and stop telling the skids what to do, let dh pick up after them. I am very OCD so this is very challenging for me, but im always up for a good challenge. If you don't disengage, you will always be the bad guy, it will always be your fault, and you'll hear "can't tell me how to raise MY kids". Its not a battle worth fighting. It is a very manipulative and twisted game/dynamic. The nagging and complaining 100% kills a marriage. Tell him your reasons for wanting it cleaned up, if he says its no big deal and doesn't bother him, let it go. He will eventually "Parent Up".

Geesh...What is it with people thinking they are entitled to be "happy" all the time?

I agree with halfstep...nagging will kill your marriage. I wouldn't nag. It doesn't work.

What I do is ask one or two times. That's it. If it doesn't get done, I do it myself. But when they come to me needing money, a ride, school stuff...I remind them very quickly that I am reluctant help out people who don't help me.