The most hopeless situation
I'm so glad this site is available for stepparents. i feel like I'm in the most hopeless situation and the only hope for me is to save up money to get the hell out of here. My husband keeps who he considers his daughter fulltime because the bio mom gave her up asa toddler. However the girl is still so indulgences by her Mom. She is a mini replica. Not only does my step daughter look like her Mom, she lies and is manipulative and obsessed with my husband just like her. When she's at our house which is 98% of the time she seems to draw a wedge between my husband and I. I always feel like I have to prove this love for her "which I don't have." I don't even trust the girl. I hide my tooth brush and purse daily . If my husband cooks and leaves my plate in the kitchen and with her I won't eat . Earlier today while at the store I went to the bathroom and came back to see the two of them acting like a husband and wife just giggling and carrying on in the isle. Something like id hope my husband and I would do. As disgusted as I am with his choice of a baby Moma, I can see how she got him. She is not an attractive women but very manipulative . It's like with the step daughter, the way she looks on a daily basis you almost feel sorry for her. He always feels sorry for her. Eve me pointing out him being defensive with her erupts into an argument where he is yelling at me. I'm angry because I feel like her mother does nothing. Contributes nothing physically or financially for the girl yet she does nothing wrong. My step daughter hasn't seen her mom almost in a year and she'll be 11 in September but she's every bit lit the women. My husband is a different person when she is her. They my husband and step seem very sneaky and quit . I am so jealous of women who marry (we've almost been married 2 years) with no full-time step kids involved. I feel like if I throwcin the towel now though, husbands baby moma and my step daughter and mother in law will rejoice and win. Im so unhappy . If you've read this far thanks for listening. I think I'd find so much joy in having my own child with hubby but why bring someone else into this miserable situation? I wanted to also go into the military reserve but I feel uncomfortable leaving stepdaughter at my house with my husband. Who knows what she'll talk him into.
It sounds to me like you are
It sounds to me like you are very jealous of their relationship, and that is normal. You want to have a great relationship with your dh, but you see it as he is expending all of his emotional energy on his daughter. You need to take the daughter out of the equation and work on building a loving relationship with the father. Or you need to leave the father and find someone else who is childless. Those are both good solutions. Easier said then done, but the only solutions.
What his ex had or doesn't have had nothing to do with you. He was with her at another time in his life. He found something in her that he liked at that time. She could have been a nicer person then, he could have had low self esteem and expectations, etc. the point is that it doesn't matter. He is no longer with her, she is his past and you are lucky in my opinion that you don't have to deal with her at all at this point.
Work on yourself and do things to make your life better. Join the military as it will better your life and your future. Put all of your important stuff at your parents or in storage. Don't contribute or contribute very little to his household. Sock your money away. If at the end of your service you want to be with him then it will happen. If not then it won't.
i wish you luck and keep us all updated.
Strange I haven't heard
Strange I haven't heard anyone mention the word "Mini Wife" yet in reference to SD. This term is all over these pages, and the net. Google it and see what comes up. I'm sure you'll see a lot of similarities and hopefully find a lot of advice.
It is not what happens in
It is not what happens in life that counts...It is how you deal with what happens that makes all the difference.....peace
SD has had a very disturbing
SD has had a very disturbing habit of peeling paint off things. For example the wall on the side of her bed, the stair case banisters, the arm chair on our lazy boy. That was all this summer. Just today I found that she did the same thing on the back of a chair that my Dad painted for me. I mean these are deep intentions. She just lied about it :(. I said to my husband know do you think we can go to a counselor and he cussed at me. Said I was always blaiming her for stuff. I didn't study psychology as a major but I think those are signs of a deep rooted issue that needs to be addressed.
It does sound like the girl
It does sound like the girl has issues. But at that age it can be more common then you would think. That is when social pressure can lead to eating disorders, cutting, etc. those are actually all signs of a bigger issue and is often a cry for help. If your dh doesn't want to get her help, then that is on him. It isn't going to get better, and if the root of the issue is not looked at, it will only get worse.
That is on him to take care of her. I would set up strong boundaries and take precautions. If you don't want the girl to peal the paint off of the chair, then you put the hair somewhere she can't get her grubby hands on it. Let her destroy her own things or your dh's things
The issue I would have in that situation is that you are letting your dh attack you verbally. No, no, and hell no. You need to let him know that you are not okay with his verbal assaults and that is it happens again he is out of your life.
Trust me when I tell you that with guys like that it does not get better. When you leave his verbally assaulting rear end, trust me you will be the winner. if you leave it doesn't mean that they win. It just means that your husband will find another victim to assault, bm will find yet another target, and sd will be competing for his affection from another woman who she will try to drive bonkers. Let them spin their disgustin little wheel.
If you leave now, you will have a clear mind to find a man who will support you emotionally and who will stand up for you. You will then realize that it was the best thing you could have done for yourself.