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Will he *ever* discipline his child?

llorraine2373's picture

Submitted by llorraine2373 on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 7:50am

Ugh, as usual I'm completely disgusted and trying to figure out if I should keep doing this or just bail. My husband has a very soft heart-too soft. He also has guilt issues about his daughter having to live with her mother where she was abused for 4 years. The end result? She is a lunatic and out of control and making my life hell. She actually called me a B#@$% last week to my face. This is after 4 years of her acting like a jerk. The psychologist says she has bad feelings towards her mom and is taking them out on me. I rescued her from her mother (her father couldn't pay for a lawyer), I have bought her every scrap of clothing, computer, phone, etc. Only a handful of thank yous. It is going to be a lean Christmas.

I had planned to take her to Florida with me to visit my mother, but since he won't discipline her I can't stand her and now I don't want to go! (There were absolutely NO repercussions for the B---- incident). I had planned a decent trip, but she was already making demands of a fancy hotel, car rental, and all this other crap (in addition to Sea World, Disney, Universal Studios, etc.). I am the breadwinner in the family and I work 4 (yes 4) jobs to keep our family afloat. Needless to say we don't have a lot of extra $$ and so I wanted to try and give her a nice yet reasonable trip by compromising. That worked well (sarcasm).

I had bought her a ticket, but I have become so disgusted that I can't imagine spending any length of time with her. I really want to hit her-punch her actually. So, I'm disengaging, and stepping back. I just don't care anymore. I don't want to talk to her, text her, know anything about her, or have anything to do with her life. She is flunking out of an ONLINE HS because she got kicked out of 2 other programs. The husband has promised that she will be out next August, but I am lining up my backup plan just in case. Where is she going to go? I am fairly certain that she can't get caught up in school, which means that college is not going to happen. I can't live with her anymore, I don't care if she goes back to her mother (frankly she belongs there), and I am beginning to not care about our marriage.

Help! Will this ever get better?

Comments

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 8:01am

Odds are she will NOT be out but be a permanent fixture since daddykins does not hold her responsible for anything.

Let me ask you, can YOU discipline her without backlash from daddykins??!! If so, I would proceed post haste. If not, then I'd be planning my exit to let DADDYKINS feel the consequences of HIS INactions.

drivingmisscrazy's picture

Submitted by drivingmisscrazy on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 8:39am

Kill her with KINDNESS!!!! Be the bigger person! Sounds to me like she may need someone like that in her life. If you truely have done all these things for her then keep going with it. Part of what we as adults, as parents must do, is sacrifice part of ourselves for our children. It's not an easy thing to do, and a lot of times we don't want to, and we definitly don't get enough thanks for it, but children NEED us to do this for them. They NEED us to guide them, teach them, be there for them to lean on! They don't know about life and many aspects of it, and I think a lot of people simply forget that about kids. She sounds like a tough one, but she's been through some tough times. If you truely love her father, and you have a place in your heart for her, then KILL HER WITH KINDNESS!!! She will never forget you for doing that, and you may not see any results from it until she's grown, but it does work. GOOD LUCK!!!

majka's picture

Submitted by majka on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 8:52am

Seriously? Um, no. Children need structure, discipline, and boundaries. A way to guide them and teach them is to NOT let them get away with calling someone a B and not having any punishment. What do you think would happen if she was out in the real world and did that to her boss? There would be no more job for her. Parents are tasked with preparing their children for real life, which if she is in high school is not too far away for her.

drivingmisscrazy's picture

Submitted by drivingmisscrazy on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 9:04am

Yes seriously! You're right majka, children do need structure, discipline, and boundaries...I never said they could go without those things. Just do it with kindness. Kids will lash out any way they can when they don't get their way. Being called a bitch is very naughty, but a parent should show the child they are the one who can be the bigger person, they won't let it bother them. Walk away with your head held high, show the child it DOESN'T bother you, let the child know she should not do things like that, a punishment of some sort of coarse, but stay kind! Don't show anger or resentment! If the parent does that, then the child is getting the upper hand in the deal. Don't let that happen...KILL HER WITH KINDNESS

llorraine2373's picture

Submitted by llorraine2373 on Thu, 12/08/2011 - 9:00am

Thank you for the comments, they are helpful. Truthfully I am worried for her future. She doesn't take responsibility for anything and I fear that this won't change unless her father starts to change. In the job world-she is going to fail miserably.

I am definitely NOT taking her on the trip-for my own well-being if anything. I don't particularly want to be arrested for abuse though it would REALLY feel good at the time!

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your suggestions!