Okay, so I would post on myspace, but I have family on there and the last thing I need is my mother calling.

This will most likely be long.

Sat. was my birthday. I wake up and my DH is already up. The baby is still sleeping, which is scary, and SS8 is making a huge amount of noise in the kitchen doing G*d knows what.

I don't know about you but one of my biggest pet peeves is waking up to a bunch of noise. But, DH to the rescue, he has my coffee ready and he thrusts it into my hands telling me that today is my day to relax and that he will handle EVERYTHING, just say the word and it's done. I smirk at this because he CANNOT handle everything and I know this, but hey, how else will he learn?

So I want to go garage sailing, yes it is a hobby. I take DH to this one that I seen the day before that was selling a bunch of craftsman tools in good condition and real cheap for the brand. Well since yesterday (friday), they put a Lazy Boy recliner out for sale. The only reason they were selling was b/c the woman wanted a brand one new she seen in the store. So they were selling for 75.00 bucks. In perfect condition, like only 4 months old, a great color, storage place for whatever in the arms, and DH refuses to let me get it.

Well, he doesn't say no, exactly, instead he gets this pissy look on his face, and uses his f**k you tone of voice and says, "Why, so you can sleep in that and I'll sleep on the couch?" This boils my blood. You have to understand that DH smothers me A LOT. And, I have a hard time falling asleep anywhere but my bed, he knows this, he's just being an ass. So he gets about 200.00 bucks worth of tools and we leave.

I decided to stop at the store and get a drink when I remember that our town is having a carnival of sorts. So we go there. I LOVE doing this kind of stuff with kids. So DH, SS8, me and BS 14 months go to this small town fair thing. They have all kinds of neat things to do. Mechanical bull riding just for kids, rock climbing, face painting, and SS8 doesn't want to do any of it, just tags along looking extremely bored. That pisses me off b/c he refuses to try to have any fun.

Well I ask my DH if he wants a pop and he says no. I ask why and he says because it costs a dollar for a pop! Okaaayyy, did we not just spend 200 on tools? So I ask if he even wants to be there, to which he replies no. Fine, you know what? Screw you. We leave. On the way home, which is the only place I'm going after all the bulls**t so far. On the way home, he asks if I'm pissed at him. I told him "yes" just like I always do when he asks that question if I'm pissed.

So he goes into this long drawn out excuse and I tell him to drop it, that I'm tired of wanting something and he makes me feel like I can't have it without taking my time away from him. ALL. OF. MY. TIME. I told that when he married me he knew I like my space, that I give my attention to who I choose when I choose. If I am forced to give it otherwise then I get pissy. I ask him when it became such a problem. I tell him to just leave me alone, that I don't want to hear his cockamamie excuses.

We get home and I proceed to ignore him. Then I leave to check on my daddy b/c we haven't been able to get a hold of him for 2 days (which is unusua). I get to his house and his car is there, his gate is locked and no one is answering the door, the windows, nothing. Let me explain that my daddy is the second most important person in my life. The first, of course, is my BS. And he gets migraines that make him blackout. So I was really worried. I go up the hill to his other house (don't ask) and there he is, mowing the lawn. He sees me and starts singing "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, you look like a mad woman and I bet you are too" So he shuts off his riding mower and comes over to me and by this time I'm yelling at him through my tears. I threaten him with the police breaking down his door if I can't get an answer next time and he should learn how to leave a note on the door, yadda, yadda, yadda. So I leave there and on the way back home I get a call, my mom is there. GREAT, abso-fuc*ing-lutely great.

My Mother is a CONTROL FREAK, she has OCD ( she is obbessed with complusive arguing and being right, no joke) and a pathological liar. I love her but to have to spend more than a few hours in her company is a nightmare. My DH has this penchant for pissing her off, they're like two star crossed lovers. It's sad. And of course I get to hear all about how great she is and how I fail at being the perfect daughter. Ya, I know mom, I should just lay down and let you bulldoze right over my life. See, I stand up to my mother when everyone else is afraid to.

So we go to Chili's for my B-day dinner and here's my mother, demanding that the table set just this way and the waitstaff treat her with respect and wait on her as if she is the queen, no joke, she really says this. Nothing is good enough, she doesn't want anything to eat because no one kissed her feet, on and on and on. I tell her to chill. My dad tells her he has a muzzle and everyone else just sits there waiting for World War 3 to start. We don't stay long. She, however, has to stay the night because I am not miserable enough yet. Oh and we have to go to Wal-Mart, where she says she needs an air mattress. Only an air mattress will do, none of my beds are good enough. I am supposed to by this thing and she wants only the best. 89.00 bucks worth of the best. Umm, how many ways can I say NO?????? But, my DH buys it anyway, the nincompoop.

On a good note, I got a leather desk chair, nice and comfy, a set of White Gold, diamond Saphire earrings with the necklace to match, a soft pink robe, a body massager that sits in the chair and has these buttons to push to choose the pace and areas you want massaged. And a few other things. All great gifts, butnow who's gonna give me my sanity?

If you've made it this far,thank you, and do your ribs hurt from laughing so hard?