This is just me, but I wouldn't go. It's Father's Day, a yearly occurrence, not a once in a lifetime event like a graduation or wedding. And he's not your father, so bow out and tell him to spend the day with his daughter while you do something else. You have to put your foot down on this interaction with BM. There's NO WAY I'd keep subjecting myself to hanging out with her. If you don't cut off this nonsense, it will never end. And you need to be straight with DH and tell him your tired of playing happy family with his ex and you are not a sister wife. Ask him how he'd feel if you constantly invited one of your exes to every occasion. Or better yet, start doing it. See how he feels having to be around someone you used to sleep with. It's just really inappropriate of your SD but if you can't stop her, then stop allowing yourself to be roped into these things. It's ridiculous that your SD has zero boundaries or respect for you, but that doesn't mean you can't have boundaries and respect for yourself.
This. And I'd be upset if my DH continued playing happy family with his ex without me present. Something's got to give. You said you're afraid of you simply quit that it would be the end of your marriage. This is the whole problem. If you are unhappy and all these get together soon with his ex upsets you, but your DH still expects you to accept it, he is not being a very good husband to you. You need to figure out why you are so afraid of losing a man who disrespects you and your marriage. No man is worth it if he threatens your marriage because you would prefer to cut his ex out of your life. I simply would not tolerate it. He is putting everyone else's feelings before yours and that's not what marriage is about. If you cannot get him to see reason it would be good riddance because I'm sure this isn't the only thing he expects you to take a backseat to.
These holidays are too often and very annoying. I love the holidays of all sorts; but my SD57 and SGD31 do the same thing. They are also having a BD/Fathers Day BBQ this next weekend, up the street at SD's. I am not going.
I am holding a surprise BD BBQ this week for DH here, with adult friends invited only, no family. Then DH can attend SD's and I will stay home with peace. I haven't said anything about "not" going, but DH/SD have not invited me. DH has not mentioned me going, due to the fact that he knows I do not want to be around SD ever again; I have made myself clear. So I'm not putting myself in the aggressive/stressful situation. I did not attend SD's home for Christmas; I visited my family, while DH went to their home; which was DH's choice, he was invited to go with me to neighboring State.
SD's know what they are doing by inviting BM. Would they like the same imposed on themselves? KARMA will visit some day.
I understand your frustration and it has lead to a "no return" at our house.
Sammigirl what a wise woman you are - I'm in the same situation at the moment and I feel that your advice and confidence is an inspiration. When my SKIDS arrange any kind of gathering BM & her husband are always there & I now realise I don't wish to be a part of this circus any more. I will try to just let go and not be hurt at being excluded from now on & therefore separate celebrations are the way to go obviously.
Sadly if I had my time over I don't think I would have married a man who already had kids...and a manipulative ex-wife.
Don't be silly. He would not be a father if she hadn't pushed those children out of her crotch. Of course she should be worshiped on Father's Day. (sarcasm font)
SD is having a BBQ at her home. Her home, her guest list. You could host a BBQ at your home and invite the skids minus BM. Next year plan yours first. No guarantee the skids will attend yours, but it's the only way to control who gets invited.
I do 'get' your frustration. BM accepting a Father's Day BBQ invitation at her ex-husband's 'special' day would only make sense if 1) SF was also being honored at event, some stepchildren are very close to SFs or 2)grandfathers were included from both sides, meaning BM's father aka Grandpa were one of the honorees.
My birthday is June 19 th, so is someone birthday happening. Because that is only reason why I can see BM coming over BBQ. When my dad was still alive and birthday would fall on father's day my father and I would do stuff like this.
I am leaning towards bowing out with a made-up excuse--I'm a college teacher and there are lots of happenings at the weekend that I can muster up. Reason for this is because when I tell DH the real reason we are sure to get into a fight. I have no stamina for that and a therapist a few years back suggested that it didn't matter how I distanced as long as I did. Any thoughts??
Dignity!! Decision made--I am not attending the Father's Day at SD33 with DH since SD invited BM. Some might argue I am dumb to step off but after years of being sick to my stomach seeing BM sit there in her "family blocker" mode I am done.It isn't about winning and losing. For me, I have my dignity. DH is entitled to be with his DD and grandson. I know deep inside he resents BM being invited on "his" day but that's his issue to deal with not mine. I will have a lovely day shopping and lunching. By evening Dh will come home to me and we will share a nice cocktail.
Comments
Hahahaha.....love this!
Hahahaha.....love this!
I was going to ask if she
I was going to ask if she grew a set but you basically beat me to it! lol
This is just me, but I
This is just me, but I wouldn't go. It's Father's Day, a yearly occurrence, not a once in a lifetime event like a graduation or wedding. And he's not your father, so bow out and tell him to spend the day with his daughter while you do something else. You have to put your foot down on this interaction with BM. There's NO WAY I'd keep subjecting myself to hanging out with her. If you don't cut off this nonsense, it will never end. And you need to be straight with DH and tell him your tired of playing happy family with his ex and you are not a sister wife. Ask him how he'd feel if you constantly invited one of your exes to every occasion. Or better yet, start doing it. See how he feels having to be around someone you used to sleep with. It's just really inappropriate of your SD but if you can't stop her, then stop allowing yourself to be roped into these things. It's ridiculous that your SD has zero boundaries or respect for you, but that doesn't mean you can't have boundaries and respect for yourself.
****THIS******
****THIS******
Every word of this.
Every word of this.
This. And I'd be upset if my
This. And I'd be upset if my DH continued playing happy family with his ex without me present. Something's got to give. You said you're afraid of you simply quit that it would be the end of your marriage. This is the whole problem. If you are unhappy and all these get together soon with his ex upsets you, but your DH still expects you to accept it, he is not being a very good husband to you. You need to figure out why you are so afraid of losing a man who disrespects you and your marriage. No man is worth it if he threatens your marriage because you would prefer to cut his ex out of your life. I simply would not tolerate it. He is putting everyone else's feelings before yours and that's not what marriage is about. If you cannot get him to see reason it would be good riddance because I'm sure this isn't the only thing he expects you to take a backseat to.
Dup sorry
Dup sorry
These holidays are too often
These holidays are too often and very annoying. I love the holidays of all sorts; but my SD57 and SGD31 do the same thing. They are also having a BD/Fathers Day BBQ this next weekend, up the street at SD's. I am not going.
I am holding a surprise BD BBQ this week for DH here, with adult friends invited only, no family. Then DH can attend SD's and I will stay home with peace. I haven't said anything about "not" going, but DH/SD have not invited me. DH has not mentioned me going, due to the fact that he knows I do not want to be around SD ever again; I have made myself clear. So I'm not putting myself in the aggressive/stressful situation. I did not attend SD's home for Christmas; I visited my family, while DH went to their home; which was DH's choice, he was invited to go with me to neighboring State.
SD's know what they are doing by inviting BM. Would they like the same imposed on themselves? KARMA will visit some day.
I understand your frustration and it has lead to a "no return" at our house.
Sammigirl what a wise woman
Sammigirl what a wise woman you are - I'm in the same situation at the moment and I feel that your advice and confidence is an inspiration. When my SKIDS arrange any kind of gathering BM & her husband are always there & I now realise I don't wish to be a part of this circus any more. I will try to just let go and not be hurt at being excluded from now on & therefore separate celebrations are the way to go obviously.
Sadly if I had my time over I don't think I would have married a man who already had kids...and a manipulative ex-wife.
Dup
Dup
This is so ridiculous. But
This is so ridiculous. But your SD knows that she can get away with it.
Not that my SD24 would ever have a BBQ for my DH but she would know better than to invite her mother because my DH would not show up. Period.
Why is your DH "so thrilled" that his own daughter disrespects him so?
perhaps it is nice, but it's
perhaps it is nice, but it's Father's Day so why on EARTH does the BM have to be included??
Oh, that's right, because uterus.
Don't be silly. He would not
Don't be silly. He would not be a father if she hadn't pushed those children out of her crotch. Of course she should be worshiped on Father's Day. (sarcasm font)
SD is having a BBQ at her
SD is having a BBQ at her home. Her home, her guest list. You could host a BBQ at your home and invite the skids minus BM. Next year plan yours first. No guarantee the skids will attend yours, but it's the only way to control who gets invited.
I do 'get' your frustration. BM accepting a Father's Day BBQ invitation at her ex-husband's 'special' day would only make sense if 1) SF was also being honored at event, some stepchildren are very close to SFs or 2)grandfathers were included from both sides, meaning BM's father aka Grandpa were one of the honorees.
Same!
Same!
Same here too!
Same here too!
My SO would totally set his
My SO would totally set his kids straight on this type of issue and if he didn't get could get straight at night with someone other than me.
My birthday is June 19 th, so
My birthday is June 19 th, so is someone birthday happening. Because that is only reason why I can see BM coming over BBQ. When my dad was still alive and birthday would fall on father's day my father and I would do stuff like this.
I am leaning towards bowing
I am leaning towards bowing out with a made-up excuse--I'm a college teacher and there are lots of happenings at the weekend that I can muster up. Reason for this is because when I tell DH the real reason we are sure to get into a fight. I have no stamina for that and a therapist a few years back suggested that it didn't matter how I distanced as long as I did. Any thoughts??
but he's THRILLED his spawn
but he's THRILLED his spawn is doing something so special and extending herself for him!!!
Dignity!! Decision made--I am
Dignity!! Decision made--I am not attending the Father's Day at SD33 with DH since SD invited BM. Some might argue I am dumb to step off but after years of being sick to my stomach seeing BM sit there in her "family blocker" mode I am done.It isn't about winning and losing. For me, I have my dignity. DH is entitled to be with his DD and grandson. I know deep inside he resents BM being invited on "his" day but that's his issue to deal with not mine. I will have a lovely day shopping and lunching. By evening Dh will come home to me and we will share a nice cocktail.