Wow I am glad this is here!!
The kids just went back to their mother's house today. Of course, she planned their vacation starting today so for the entire visit all the kids talked about was their upcomming vacation. The reality of it all is that we don't have the money they have and we can not take vacations every year nor but the kids every little thing they want. Part of the buying everything is that we do not want to "spoil" any of the kids or be disney parnets. I can't take it any longer. The X, how my husband walks around after the kids leave. The way my little kids feel when their sibling walk in and our of here for 3 days once a month. So much to say and to fustrated to get it out. Thanks for listening.
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Hi Kay
We all have experienced similar feelings and situations. We're here to listen and support each other. Life somehow gets easier when you know you're not the only going through these things alone. Keep writing - you'll be amazed at the sense of relief it gives you.
thanks
Wanted to say thanks. Just that little blurb reminds me that I am not alone. I always knew that but at times I forget.
It's a rough situation
I know how you feel. My husband's ex has lived with her mother since their divorce so she has no bills, always has someone to watch the kids and lived off welfare while she got her RN education for free. So now she has over $45K a year plus the $800/month my husband pays in child support to make sure that the kids prefer her house. Meanwhile, my husband was ordered to pay her attorneys fees for the divorce (judge stated it would too much of a financial hardship on her and the kids for her to pay it since she had NO JOB- makes me want to vomit), which were in excess of $11K and also was left with all the marital debt as again, too much of a financial hardship on her. we're in the same boat. Really, though, who wants to get into the "My house is more fun" game? All she's teaching the kids is to look at people and size them up based on what they're getting out of the relationship. My husband's kids are like that now as their mother gives them everything in the hope that she will be the "favored parent". They look right through you unless you're giving them something. I for one don't want to feed into that by spoiling them more. I don't want to feel in any way responsible for their inability to have a genuine interest for other people.
We have small children as well and I have to take comfort in knowing that their biggest influences are my husband and I and that if we do what we can to make sure that they grow up being able to empathize with others and be well-rounded individuals, that will be a great achievement.
You hit it on the head
I can not tell you how you just hit that on the head. The kids lay around here stating they are board because we will not drive them to the mall every day or take them to an amusement park. LIFE IS NOT AN AMUSEMENT PARK. They stay up till 1 or two in the morning and then sleep until noon. It drives me crazy. Get your butt out of bed and contribute a little. My three and two year old help set the table and scrap their own plates. My SD (14) and SS (11) have to be told EVERY DAY to do it. They then get angry and inform me that their mother doesn't make them do chores.
You are right we are the biggest influences over the younger kids. The problem is my little ones adore the older ones and it is hard for them to understand that I am not going to ask them twice to do anything as they watch me have to ask three, four and even five times for the SK's to do something.