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kay's picture

Submitted by kay on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 6:29pm

Long story short. SS moved in with us a year ago. More like dropped off on our door step because BM couldn't handle him any longer. We took a total jerk of a kid, cleaned him up. Brought his grades from F's to A's & B's, got rid of his gingervitis(sp) due to poor hygene. Everything going as well as could be. He lost his cell phone due to violating a rule! No big deal, actions have concequences. Went to visit his mom and she bought him one on her plan and told him to hide it from us. Today I saw it. Now mind you she knew he lost his cell phone use until further notice! After seeing it I remained call but was upset. He labled me as the General in the phone and called his dad the "other dad. We are adults are feeling will heal. My problem is the BM. I want to send him back tomorrow. IF you are going to undermine all the work and effort to fix the major screw ups you have done with this kid you must respect our process. Apparently it is working! WHat do I do??? Send him back to her and say reap what you sew???

Comments

hopeful12's picture

Submitted by hopeful12 on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 6:48pm

I totally get understand what you mean, everytime we put a stop to something the SD is doing. She goes back to BM and BM F**kS it all up, just when we start to get a little bm takes it all back. We are at a lose we can't come up with anything. I am about ready to loose my whole life, family and DH for a braty 14 year old, and her evil, satan BM!!!
"You never know what you got, till it's gone"

Nymh's picture

Submitted by Nymh on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 7:43pm

I never ever say stuff like this, but...

I would box that phone up and mail it back to BM. I would include a letter (FROM DH) that SS already has a cellphone and it has been taken away temporarily due to his breaking of the rules. It needs to be explained to her that this is the consequence of his actions and if she goes behind your backs and undermines your disceplinary choices, that is a major setback in SS learning and growing into a responsible young man. Ideally all parents should be on the same page in the discepline process and if one parent undermines the rest by going against the punishment, that only hurts the child in the end.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 7:48pm

Nothing more to add! Smile

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 04/29/2009 - 9:09pm

I think this is a good solution. As a child of divorce, my parents were always on the same page regarding discipline. I believe that their being on the same page regarding me is a big reason I turned out ok.

Now, my SDs BM is another story. She does not believe in all the parents working together for the good of the child. My YSD had her iPod taken away from her. BM knew this because DH told it to her via email. So, the week before the girls went to see her, BM bought YSD a new one (it was the same model & made the same year as the one we got her). BM totally put YSD in an unfair position.