It’s Friday Jr!!! Not sure how to feel
So it's suppose to be SD weekend starting tomorrow , in which honestly I hope she doesn't come after all she said to DH about me ( and we are pretty sure BM was replying as SD) I let DH know how I felt about it and I let him know that I really didn't want to be around her . But at the end of the day it's his daughter so I spoke my peace . Of course if true SD fashion she has already broke one of DHs rules he stated when he "had his talk" with her . DH told SD he needs to know on the Thursday of her weekend if she is coming or not , no more last minute back and forth being indecisive. DH brought it up today when we were discussing weekend plans that he still doesn't know if he is getting her because he has not heard from her since she demanded a apology from him last week. So really hope DH does not text her begging to come tomorrow because he really needs to let her come to him and from my point of view it doesn't seem like she wants to come.... so leave her be! I really don't know how to be around someone as sneaky , conniving, and entitled as SD. I know she doesn't like me and there's nothing I can do to really change that because BM will just continue to be in her ear. Before I would at least make an effort to talk to her her do things for her but after last week I just cannot , I am not one to be fake . How can y'all ( some of yall) stand to be around SK like this? I wish I could just be out of the house when she is here but DH and I have 3 small kiddos together plus BS12 so it's not as easy ....
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Of course
He'll backslide and start bexting her (combo of begging and texting). Put on "ignore." In my case I couldn't really leave the house a lot and neither could Chef take off with his kids to go someplace because of the unbridled guilty Daddy spending.
I just plunged myself into household duties when the ferals would arrive vacuuming, cleaning, laundry, various errands that once in a while would get me out of the house.
Plunge into caring for your kids alone when SD is there and keep on suggesting that H needs to spend time with her, do things with her, take care of her, wait on her hand and foot (of course don't say wait on her hand and foot but you get the picture.)
If any of your kids question all this special attention toward SD, just say it is a new thing that you are trying out AKA an experiment but don't use the word experiment because it might get back to H.
If you have been doing all the cooking and cleaning etc for SD, very nicely suggest to H that the more he cares for her on his time, the better they will bond so he should take the lead in cooking and cleaning for her and doing everything for her so they can have a better daddy daughter bond ( try not to make a gagging reflex at this point). Use the full power of suggestion.
Of course this will backfire as no good deed goes unpunished. Really get H immersed with SD so that he will get his fill--similar to the old punishment of making kids smoke boatloads of cigarettes when caught smoking.
Also try to get your son into activities especially on "SD weekends" so that he could possibly be out of the house the whole time, visiting with friends and his relatives and such.
Whatever you do, do NOT point out that SD is already going back on her so-called promises as this will only cause your H to dig in and defend her. You want him to come to his OWN conclusions.
Yes I plan on rearranging the
Yes I plan on rearranging the living room and do some cleaning . My son has soccer practice tomorrow thank god and then we are prepping for the freeze that's suppose to come in Sunday night so I hope SD is gone Sunday morning ( if she does come ) because the roads will be risky to drive on after Sunday night . We live in Texas so we completely shut down if we have a freeze as we are not prepared to drive on roads with black ice
you tried, she rejected it.
you tried, she rejected it. then on top of that she/BM verbally abused you w/ lies. there is nothing wrong with you being done w/ her. polite stranger you do not know or trust. polite "hello" "ask your Father" "goodbye" you owe her nothing. nothing at all. you do not reward liars. you do not have to put effort, time or money into her. and f it gives her a sad? sucks to be her.
go about your weekend, do things w/ your son. make plans with his friends. make it a mommy/son day. she chose to reject you. you accept it. she's daddy's problem now.
Yes so true, it's hard for me
Yes so true, it's hard for me because it sort of goes against who I am as a person but I need to draw the line . So yea she will be just that , a stranger in the house . We actually have a b day dinner today at 6:30 that has been rescheduled 2 times already so we are absolutely going today. It's for my mom and I haven't seen her since before Christmas because she went to Spain so there's no way I am rescheduling because DH has to get SD or not ( still dunno) so really it's up to him if he wants to come to dinner or get SD .
If she comes, gray rock her.
If she comes, gray rock her. Simple, polite greeting, benign answers to any questions. If she says or does anything she shouldn't, tell your DH and insist he handle it. If he won't and what she is saying or doing is intolerable, handle it yourself and don't back down. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's bullshite and a result of her being allowed to get away with things she shouldn't.
He’s backsliding already?
No hope for you. SD did not tell him by Thursday , I would give her Friday morning, then she is staying at BM. SD will not CONTROL your life. If SO pick up SD he can spend the weekend at motel 6 with her. Not with you. You did your part and will not be disrespected
Yup he sure did. He reached
Yup he sure did. He reached out SD yesterday night to ask if she was coming this weekend . She already knew she was not coming because she told DH she has a tournament tomorrow . I guess she was just gonna not tell DH anything ? DH found it strange because her tournaments start next weekend so he asked about it and SD said " oh well they said I have one this weekend also, you can come if you want , sorry " there is no tournament on the schedule this weekend but oh well. Works out in my favor anyways since I have no desire to see her. I just wish that DH would let SD do the reaching out , the last conversation he had with her was when she was talking about me .
Let him!
Encourage and total enmeshment with SD. again 95% of the time they will get completely sick of chasing their kid but they have to be fully immersed in it.
True. You would think he is
True. You would think he is tired of being rejected by now but I guess not
Why is it up to the child
Why is it up to the child when and how they visit?
Schedules are outlined in the court order. If she is supposed to come this weekend, there is no need to confirm. Just treat it as a weekend that she is coming and if she doesnt show up, then its up to your husband to inquire why visitation was missed and no previous arrangements were made.
We did this with OSD23 and MSS17 and they eventually stopped coming altogether because they couldnt be bothered with coming when told and wanted to impose when and how they come based on their mom and friends hang out schedules
The only single thing I stood my ground on and forced my husband to respect was the schedule established in the court order. He doesnt like it but its life. BM2 asked YSS15 if he could stay an extra day with us to which I responded flatly NO and showed the school schedule and the court order. My husband said I was a toxic controlling bitch and I said ok just make sure you drop him off sunday at 6pm because that is when winter break ends! I went personally and dropped off the child. I dont accommodate anyone when it comes to schedules...I have done that for years before and all it did was cause withholding and coming and going as they please and staying whenever they want
I told my husband and my MIL that if BM2 wants to increase visitation time, we can go to court and decrease child support. I said that twice and crickets... Every so often when she tries to pull that trick, i repeat that we can go to court and change visitation and review child support and she goes back to following the order
Follow the court order for visitation, not the child, her friends or her BM....Then there will be 0 structure and they will stop coming
Oh hell no. He said that?
My husband said I was a toxic controlling bitch
Why didn't you reply with "and you are a ball-less XW ass sniffing failed family spawn commanded non man" as tyou tossed his shit to the curb when the locksmith showed up to rekey the locks.
This chaps my ass to no end.
Good for you for giving him and MIL clarity that the visitation schedule will not be deviated from without BM giving up money. So many NCPs snill X ass suck up to their failed family progeny, and fail to realize that NO is their most powerful weapon in managing their X. No, the visitation schedule will not be deviated from unless the NCP chooses to decline a visitation. Even if the NCP does decline visitation the CP damned sure better not fail to deliver the kid for the next visitation. The NCP has complete autonomy to decline visitation while the CP has no choice but to deliver the kid per the schedule.
If the CP withholds the kid, the NCP files an immediate contempt motion.
Lather.... rinse.... repeat.
I am infurated that your DH is that guy.
"Toxic controlling bitch.".. show him what that really feels like as he picks his shit up out of the street and heads to the local overpass to get out of the rain.
You are a far more even tempered person than I am. I cannot immagine a man calling his wife a toxic controlling bitch. An XW, sure, but not his wife.
Hmmmm. You and DH have 3
Hmmmm. You and DH have 3 little ones together. If you are confident that they are safe and cared for with their father, when the shit failed family spawn shows up, you leave daddy to deal with the 3 LOs and see how he and shit spawn like that.
Got to a spa, meet friends for a event luncheon, go to your calm happy place, adn ..... turn off your phone.
If the spirit moves you, check into a nice hotel and stay the night doing all of the fun room service gourmet menu items and high end wines. Go home the next day when the spirit moves you.
If daddy bitches, tell him that you are done with his shit spawn and he has 3 little ones so .... welcome to being on the hook for not only your shit spawn but the precious little ones. If any of your kids spouts any shit that came out of DH's failed family spawn's mouth, make sure he will rue the day he failed to actually parent.
His tolerance of violations of the visitation schedule has to be infuriating. Roll up a copy of the CO and smack him about the head and shoulders with it while pointedly repeating the visitation schedule and telling him to grab a hand full of his own gonads and man up.
Him running around whinging and sniffing the ass of his failed family spawn which she and BM piss on his leg has to be decidedly unattractive.
I'm sorry you have this crap to deal with.
Take care of you.