I still don't see how he thinks him sleeping with her is going to make her belly not hurt.

I bet you are at your whits end.

oh I just got chills at the end of your story. Maybe now you and dh can get to the root of the problem now.

You are having such a tough time. I am sorry. Maybe I'm a cold bitch but I have to agree with you. He can't "fix" any physical problems, she needs mental help.

How can you be supportive of "crazy"? I do not know.
Good luck, hon.

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

JoJo I just read your other blog and I am sorry for what you are going through right now. just wanted to say you don't suck and although sd8 had a breakthrough I hope your fh can have one also.
It is definately not something laying in bed with her will fix.
I hope things get better for you soon

that if she would've just be honest (maybe she's too young to name it) about missing her mom, that you wouldn't have been so strict with her sleeping by herself! Really, I think that's the issue.....

It is he freaking blind?!?!

"Oh...last night, SD8 came in our bedroom again middle of the night. FH asked her, "What's wrong...does your tummy hurt?" SD8 goes, "No, my tummy doesn't hurt....I miss her." "You miss who, baby?" "I miss Mommy." This was the first time she has said that and the first time that I actually felt bed for her and *wanted* him to go lay with her."

Your last line is the key to the puzzle. It has NEVER been about her tummy. It has been about her mom's death and how she is processing it. She's been using the tummy thing as part of her grieving and accepting process. The light blub should have totally gone on for him when she said that. I'm willing to bet that seeing a counselor to help her process the grief will lead to the end of the midnight visits. Obviously DH still has lots of work to do on the other guilt parenting issues, but the tummy issue at night that require comfort seems like it is related to mom's death.

would help u all soooooo much. I mean u can take a horse to water, but can't make him drink, right?....hopefully, he gets it now with what SD said about missing Mommy. Maybe rather than tell u guys she was missing her Mom, she internalized it and it made her tummy hurt, or, maybe her tummy never hurt at all, maybe she just saw this as the way to get into daddy's room and receive his comfort. I feel badly for all of u. My mother passed away in childbirth with me. My brother was 9 and my sister was 7. My father, just got rid of all her things and never spoke of her to my siblings. As a matter of fact, a Priest was the one that told the two of them that their mother passed away. This was how he handled it, and my brother and sister, in their 50's today, are still not "ok". It is key for yur DH to get her into counseling, and I think it would be great for all of u to participate. No matter what, yur SD was blessed with a SM who, tho not perfect, as none of us are, at least cares enough to try and get everyone involved help. My SM was the opposite and made the situation even worse for everyone involved. I applaud u for yur strength, jo. I know yur DH is gonna get it eventually,,,,,I hope he does anyway, and sooner rather than later. That little girl has a chance, cuz of u Oh, and I know it seems impossible to be "supportive of crazy", but think about it......God forbid it were you, wouldn't u want him to be showing how much he loves BD in the same way...even if his methods seem "wrong".....its all about the love he shows....hopefully the rest will fall into place.....

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

Jojo,
I was thinking about your situation last night and more today after hearing what SD said. It would be so much easier to love my SK's if they weren't so overly coddled and spoiled by their parents. I would go along way if I felt they really needed me. I think you SD needs you, more than you realize. I think your DH is making it harder for you to bond even though I am sure he doesn't mean to. Maybe you could explain to him that we all want to be needed and the fact that he hovers all over her all the time doesn't give you a chance to be there for her. Let us know how it goes.

Oh JoJo, I feel awful for you! I couldn't imagine being in your shoes! My suggestion to you is, after what your SD said, is to go to your husband and tell him this,"SD came into our room last night and openly told you that she missed her mother. No one can replace her mother, or take the pain of missing her completely away. Please consider hiring a therapist to help her with her grieving process. There are specialist trained to help children in these exact situations, and hopefully if we get her someone to talk to her health will improve"

Jojo I had acid reflux at the age of 9. I HID it from my parents (all 4, I had a stepmom and stepdad too)I didn't want to concern my parents . I never "spit up" chunks of food. It started with the most disgusting burps I had ever tasted, and within a month I was vomiting blood. My brother, who was 13 at the time, heard me getting sick all the time, and walked in on me throwing up in the toilet. He ran to my side and saw the blood in the toilet and screamed for my mom. I was taken to my doctor who then had me transported to a children's hospital for surgery. I had 2 ulcers, and one left a big hole in my stomach. All the doctor could say about my condition was that it was stress related. Even with medication and a strict food diet I still remained sick. I needed a therapist to talk to about my issues in my life, even at the young age of 9. I found that having an outside source to talk to really helped me with my problems. I couldn't tell my daddy I didn't like his wife because I thought she was mean without getting yelled at. A therapist is unbiased, and very caring.
I really hope things get better for you JoJo. There is nothing your husband can really do to help SD unless he gets her professional help.

ps... my sister in law lost her mother at a young age. She never recieved any help with her grief. Now, 15 years later, after giving birth to 2 wonderful children, she refuses to have anymore because she is CONVINCED she is going to die soon and doesn't want to leave any more children motherless to my brother. Hope my stories help you doll. Best of luck to you!

But I also see that you are getting some of the best advice! I also saw that maybe you dismissed SD8's comment about her Mommy. I am glad some other ladies pointed it out, but I am going to all the same.

After reading the last 2 days posts about your situation (the other blog as well) I would have to agree, this may take more finesse and understanding. Your SD8 is finally realizing what is going on a little. AS MollyBee stated, tummy troubles can be attributed to stress. I had the same as a child. I munched antacids like candy. I luckily never had any serious issues from it. Although, I can relate.

Even though your SD8 probably never really had a great relationship with her mother, she was still her mother. I whole heartedly agree with MollyBee about this. I think that your husband and your SD8 need counseling to get her through this. The counselor could also help DH with this "My laying with her will fix her tummy" issue. If it is truly her mother passing, unless she deals with it, she will never self soothe.

I am maintaining the same as the other ladies, give this some time. I, as YOU know, amd the LAST that would agree to sleeping with an 8 year old girl. Maybe a counselor can help them both learn to work this out.

You are a strong woman to have put up with this for so long! I wish my BF would listen as much as yours HAS!

I wish you the best and even though I am not here every day, I will read all of your posts Jojo. We are so close in situations it is uncanny. With my SD10, I feel bad that she is going through this drug stuff with her mother, but I also think she should be parented, not just coddled.

Take Care!

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm