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jht's picture

Submitted by jht on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 3:07pm

I live in Alberta. I was wondering if there is anything legal that I can do to stop the abusive words that are used about me to the children. That may seem like a childish question these kids are 9 and 11 years old. They visit every second weekend and Christmas. as well they spend a month with us in the summer. most of the summer they spend it with me cause their dad works. I try to be the best step parent I can be. But while the kids are with her she is obsessed with bad mouthing me. It doesnt bother me that she does it, its the fact that she does it to the kids. I have to start a new relationship with them every time they come back. My boyfriends ex is being very difficult with the paper work. she left the marriage and she wants to take everything. Can you legally put it in writing that they can not slander the new relationships? It should also be known that the kids I ran into someone that we commonly know with the ex and they started bad mouthing her and I put a stop to it immidiatly. Those kids have never heard a bad word about their mother from me. nor would I allow anyone else> Kids do NOT need to hear stuff like that. It really bothers me that I am the target to so much negativity in their life. The source of my info is from an adult child they share. Please Help!

Comments

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 3:45pm

Nope, can't do shit about it. Been with Dh for 13 years, BM still talks shit about me to her kids. I don't care. Her choice to damage her children, she will have to deal with those damaged children on her own one day. In the meantime, I am Daddy's wife and nothing more.
I have actually started referring to his kids as HIS kids and no longer as my Skids. I doubt anyone has noticed.

ltman's picture

Submitted by ltman on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 3:56pm

Some custody orders do have clauses in them regarding how the parents are not to reference each other to the kids. Whether that actually works, I have no idea. Ask bf's attorney.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Tue, 08/06/2013 - 4:40pm

Our CO says that they can't bad mouth each other and they need to foster positive feelings for the other parent. When we counter filed her contempt BS in court, I listed this as something she was doing. The CO doesn't mention spouses but I would imagine that you could put that in there too because if she's bad mouthing you, it is not fostering positive feelings for your husband or your home.

Meh's picture

Submitted by Meh on Wed, 08/07/2013 - 1:28am

I'm not in Canada so can't advise on family law there. Do you think it may be helpful to have the kids see a therapist at some point to help them deal with the crap their BM is filling their heads with? It may also eventually be helpful to have someone on your side to testify in court if needed as well if it ever comes to that. Just a thought.

We just found out about some PAS type stuff this week that's been said to SD 7 by her BM and wondering how to deal with it. At least SO has primary custody so there's not as much constant contact with the BM, but we're still seeing the effects of it on SD 7 and how she's been acting out lately. We're discussing therapy/counseling for her at the moment, not to strengthen a case for custody as BM wouldn't have a snowball's chance of gaining anything from taking SO through legal action, but more to help SD cope with what's going on.

Of course maybe the negative stuff we're seeing with SD is due to crap from other areas of her life...poor kiddo has an awful lot of factions pulling her different ways. Grandparents both maternal and paternal, other family members, dealing with a new step family situation etc. I'd love some advice from a professional on what's eating at her and how to deal with it.

jht's picture

Submitted by jht on Wed, 08/07/2013 - 9:10am

Im not a pro at all. Being a step parent is new and hard for me. The only thing I do is stand back and have open arms. I just want to wrap my arms around my step kids and tell them Im here for them. But thats not the way it works. By the end of each visit with us they like me again especially the little girl, I struggle a bit with the boy but my bf helps me see that his son is just not overly cuddly with women. All you can do is quietly be there for step kids and not force yourself on them. just let them know you love them and you will be there for them. and remember when they act out towards you, its not them its what the have learned and the only way to deal with that is forgiveness for their actions and understanding. I wish you luck and hope it all works out for you. Remember the one you fell in love with. there the forever thing the kids are 18 years then they will build a life of their own.