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Competition about kids

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Submitted by Jcksjj on Fri, 11/09/2018 - 8:34am

So if anyone read my previous blogs there was one that included how SD7 was constantly standing up on her chair at dinner. Well I took her chair away so she got to stand for dinner a couple nights ago and she magically has been able to sit like a human since then. DH completely backed me up on it and when he saw her standing goes "looks like you weren't sitting nicely on your chair" and she starts to whine that she forgot and he cuts her off right away and says no you didnt. 

Disengagement not working and I'm IRATE

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Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 11/07/2018 - 9:02am

I havent been able to fully disengage because I still bring SD to school in the morning. Somehow she manages to cause drama even in the 10 min she has then. This morning she slams the door on me while I'm carrying my baby. I told her when she shuts the door she needs to be careful and look especially when there are people behind her. Shes completely nonplussed by the fact that she slammed a door on her little brother and first ignores me altogether when i tell her. So I tell her to look st me and respond and I can see shes smirking.

Disengagement updates

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Submitted by Jcksjj on Tue, 11/06/2018 - 9:26am

SD came back for the week yesterday. Theres been little mention of her when shes gone and that's been nice; however DH seems to be taking this as a sign that I'm happier with her instead of happier with not having to be responsible for her as much as I was. He just really does not understand that I dont view her in the same way even though I've made that completely clear. Also, he really doesnt seem to understand that I'm more impressed with him as a parent when he steps up and disciplines her appropriately then when he caters to it.

Interesting development in disengagement

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Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 10/25/2018 - 10:15am

So DH used to not want to talk about SDs problems. I'd bring them up and hed just dismiss them and act like it was fine and he didnt want to talk about it. Now that I've been not ever bringing it up myself all of a sudden he starts bringing her issues up himself all the time and is setting up meetings with the school counselor etc. Hmm interesting...

Mental disengagement

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Submitted by Jcksjj on Wed, 10/24/2018 - 10:50am

So the action part of disengagement is going fairly well - not trying to fix things or parent SD, spending way less time with her since she does an after school program instead of being babysat by me. It's made me a lot happier and less resentful since I dont need to bend as much of my life to suit her. I still find her incredibly obnoxious when she is around but its much easier to tolerate for shorter amounts of time.

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DH still not standing all the way up to MIL

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Submitted by Jcksjj on Sat, 10/20/2018 - 4:41pm

This is pretty much and add on to last weeks blog about MIL. FIL stopped by today and right before he left said he and MIL would like SD to stay at their house next weekend. MIL has been probing DH for more info about SDs behavioral issues and he hasn't given her the info she wants, so it's not s coincidence they are asking to have her this weekend. DH is still planning on letting her go. I know dang well MIL is going to be trying to get info out of SD and taking the opportunity to try to "fix" SD (aka undermine DH).

Feeling more positive

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Submitted by Jcksjj on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 8:59am

I'm starting to feel better about dealing with having a stepfamily. Between reading Stepmonster and recognizing alot of dynamics that are common to stepfamilies that I'm dealing with, venting and reading on this site, and semi disengaging I'm starting to feel happier. I'm so grateful to have found this site. Stepfamily information just isn't easy to find like parenting and relationship information is. 

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SD needs to be the center of attention constantly

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Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 09/13/2018 - 1:36pm

My SD drives me absolutely insane. She needs to be the center of attention CONSTANTLY. And by constantly I mean literally all day every day in every situation. For example she cant just play a video game and enjoy it, she needs to narrate every step of it and looks around to make sure other people are watching her and expects to be told how amazing she is at it the whole time. I can't even talk to my other kids without her interrupting and redirecting the attention back to her.

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